


Sacrificing the Truth

by DKSculder



Category: The X-Files
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, F/M, Fluff and Angst, MSR, Relationship(s)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-05
Updated: 2017-12-07
Packaged: 2018-12-24 07:57:19
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 54,664
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12008406
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DKSculder/pseuds/DKSculder
Summary: After some time apart, Mulder makes a life-altering discovery that could change the course of his and Scully's lives forever. Will he make the right choice?





	1. Chapter 1

Mulder found himself wandering near the reflecting pool in a haze. That’s often how he found his mindset since she left. It was his own fault, really, but that didn’t help ease his deafening thoughts. One would think after over a year of her absence, he’d be accustomed to the feeling, but each day hurt a little more. There were so many questions that floated around in his mind, wondering what the final straw was for her. What he said to her that night at the Gunmen’s wasn’t fair to either of them, and he knew she felt embarrassed, but to just leave with a simple note on his desk. She lurked into his office space when she knew he wouldn’t be there, and said a silent goodbye. Their words still haunted him. 

“Well, then I can’t help you anymore.” Her tone of voice had a finality in it that he didn’t want to hear. 

“Scully, you’re making this personal.” As soon as the words left his mouth, he regretted them. He could feel the stares of the Gunmen burning into his back. They had made things personal in preceding months, and wanted to chalk this rebellion against Diana up to jealousy. He was smarter than that, but his mind was being pulled in every direction, feeling closer to the truth than ever before. 

“Because it is personal, Mulder. And if you take that away, then there is no reason for me to continue.” If he wasn’t so stubborn and annoyed with her in this moment, he would have seen the truth in her eyes. 

He could see her apprehensions towards him any time that Diana was part of the equation. He figured they’d have a silent argument, and then just continue their work as they normally did. But this was different. He hurt her, and himself in the long run. There was no substantial argument to defend Diana, he just did. Scully expressed her concern, and he shot her down. Not his finest move, but he never thought that would be the reason she would leave. He knew she had a jealous streak a mile wide, but they had moved towards something recently, he thought she knew how important she was to him. Realizing now, his intentions may have been a little too subtle, he thought he had time to make it up to her. It was when he attempted to call her that he began to question what the hell was going on. His call was ignored, eventually going straight to voicemail. On any other occasion, he would be breaking down her front door to make sure she was okay. His selfish, one-track mindset told him he didn’t have time for her mood. 

He slumped onto a bench, running his hands through his hair with an exasperated sigh. Recently, he could tell Diana was trying to steer him off his path, his life quest. His gut told him that Scully was right, but his conflicted thoughts and fascination with the enticements that Diana dangled in front of him overpowered everything else. She had managed to get herself assigned as his new partner once the x-files were reinstated, it appearing that she was on his side. His passion for continuing this fight had been lost along with Scully’s absence. 

His head popped up at a familiar voice, glancing around to see where it was coming from. He didn’t spot her right away, and almost swore he was losing his mind until he saw a glimpse of her face appear from behind a stroller. She was sitting at a bench near him, cooing at a tiny bundle. Before he knew what he was doing, he was approaching her, a puzzled look on his face. 

He realized in the middle of his stride that this wasn’t exactly the smartest tactic. He ducked behind a crowd, taking the seat on the bench behind her. He watched intently. 

He wanted to say hi, wanted to ask what he’s clearly missed. Before he could work up the nerve, a small cry from the stroller in front of her broke his reverie. His eyes quickly diverted to the small baby she pulled into her arms. He froze, everything else around him standing still in this moment. Maggie Scully uncovered the baby’s face as she reached forward to retrieve a bottle. Those eyes, that nose. It was Scully in every way. The hair was perhaps a little more of a chestnut brown color, a definite hint of that Scully red. He knew how genetics worked, knowing that this child could simply be one of her nephews, but his gut told him something else. Especially seeing that pouty lower lip take the nipple of the bottle in his mouth. 

Maggie sensed someone staring in her direction, startled to see just who that person was. She calmed herself, seeing the wonder in his eyes, not knowing the whole story of what happened between him and Dana. One look at this child and anyone would know who of her children he belonged to, but she knew that Mulder had no idea. Though by the way he stopped breathing, he might suspect. 

“How have you been, Fox?” He shook his thoughts, meeting her eyes with a sheepish expression. He was caught, and half wondered if this woman hated him. He couldn’t even fathom that thought, he had come to accept that Scully wanted nothing to do with him, but her mother had become such a strong figure in his life as well. 

“I’ve been alright, just working.” He shrugged, no real passion behind his response as there used to be. “Yourself?” 

“Oh, I’ve been just great. This little one keeps me busy during the day while D -” She paused, there was no way around this conversation. It just wasn’t her conversation to have. Scully had been quite clear that he had no interest in being part of the child’s life, Maggie just never knew it was because he didn’t know the baby even existed. That small detail was quite apparent by the eager look in his eyes. He looked at her expectantly, needing any kind of answer as to how this happened. There were so many questions in his gaze.  

“He gets so demanding when it’s time to eat.” She attempted to ease the tension surrounding them, smiling down at the baby as he began to fuss in her arms. “Would you like to join us?” She gestured with her eyes to the empty space next to her on the bench. He nodded, not able to form words, and plopped down beside her. His eyes never left the baby. 

“Sorry, that took a lot longer than I thought it was going to. Where did you want to go for lun -” She paused her words, finally glancing up from digging for her phone in her purse. They both stared back at her. She met Mulder’s eyes, her breath catching in her throat. Her eyes quickly flicked between him and the baby, seeing the question in his gaze that lit a fire in her soul. 

She had waited for this day, wondering how it hadn’t happened sooner. It’s not like she left DC, just transferred back to teaching at Quantico, which he no doubt knew. The transition at the time was a nice break, and it definitely wasn’t as demanding on her body as field work. It was the best decision for her and her child. 

“Well, it looks like he’s just about done, so we’re going to take a little walk.” Maggie said warmly, giving her daughter a pointed look, causing Scully to plead with her eyes not to leave them. Maggie knew very little, but enough to know that he was no threat to her daughter. Not in the way she was to his heart. 

Mulder stood, not sure what to do in this moment. She looked different, a good different. Her hair was longer, and her face relaxed, happy. It wasn’t enough to mask the pain in her eyes when she looked at him. He gave a small shrug, silently begging her to help him out. He still never knew why she left. A few unanswered phone calls turned into her number being disconnected. The only reason he knew she was okay was because Deputy Director Kersh handed him a copy of her resignation letter with a smug smile on his face. He gave him the x-files back at Spender’s insistence, and the letter that would shatter his life into a million pieces. 

“You look good, Scully.” He finally broke their excruciating silence. She huffed a small laugh, not entirely sure how to feel. He looked genuinely happy to see her, though the guilt so evident in his eyes. The one thing she could see, more than any other expression, was that he had one very important question for her. 

“How have you been?” She asked quietly, gesturing for him to sit back down as she joined him, taking the spot that her mother had vacated. 

“I’ve been.” A non-committal shrug was his only response. How could two people who were able to read each other’s thoughts, spent nearly every hour of every day talking to each other, have nothing to say? Well, there were a few things to say, but neither of them knew where to start. “How’s Quantico?” 

“It’s nice to be a department head, and I still offer my services to any active cases when needed. I was here for a meeting about a new case, it’s my first field assignment since I returned from matern -” She paused, realizing the weight of her statement. There was no way to avoid this. He saw the proof with his own eyes. She cleared her throat. “Maternity leave.” 

He nodded, pursing his lips together as we watched the crowds pass them. His head finally hung low, resting between his hands as his elbows were perched on his knees. She heard the deep breaths he was taking, uncertain how to read this reaction. Sure, the baby looked like her tiny clone, but he had some of his features if you were looking for them. She would bet money on Mulder looking for them. 

“How old…?” 

“Just about 5 months.” She smiled, a blissful expression making her eyes sparkle. “He’s growing so fast.” Her voice was just a whisper, trying to lighten the ominous air hovering over them. 

“He looks like you.” His voice was rough, the attempts made to choke back the lumps in his throat. 

“Mulder…” 

“I don’t know what to say, Scully.” He let out a heavy sigh, shaking his head. Her eyes brimmed with tears, knowing this distance was created on both their parts. He tried to call her, but she couldn’t handle that, on top of everything else. She had to do what was best for her, or what she thought was best at the time. 

“There’s a lot we need to discuss.” Regaining her composure, she jutted her chin out confidently, still not meeting his eyes. She didn’t see it, but she could sense his nod. 

“You didn’t think we should have discussed this, oh I don’t know, over a year ago?” The sudden anger of the situation surged through him, before he was able to contain it. She narrowed her eyes at him, she didn’t want to do this. Not here, not now. 

“When did you expect me to bring it up? When you went head first into the false conspiracies that were being dangled in front of you, or maybe when you dismissed anything I even had to say?” 

“So you knew, that day at the Gunmen’s, you knew?” He leaned forward, his harsh breaths tickling her face as he gritted his teeth. 

“No.” It was just a whisper. “No, I didn’t know then.” 

“But you didn’t think to tell me when you did find out?” He spat again. Every emotion washed over her. Anger, guilt, fear. 

“I wouldn’t have wanted to make it more personal.” Her voice was calm, even, despite the emotions building inside of her. His eyes met hers again, now understanding more than ever before what finally sent her away from him. 

“Scully…” His hand automatically reached out for her, his facial features softening. 

“I should probably go find out where my mom wandered off to before lunch is over.” She stood, no room for further arguments. He panicked, standing as he watched her walk away from him. He was almost relieved she gave him the courtesy of doing it while he was preoccupied the first time, the sight was breaking his heart all over again.

* * *

“Where the hell have you been?” Diana was annoyed with him lately, much thanks to his overt efforts to piss her off any chance he had. 

“I took a long lunch.” He grumbled, plopping into his chair. 

“We have a new case.” She handed him the folder, an exhausted sigh escaping his lips. He glanced at the file, knowing already it wasn’t an x-file, but another goose chase to keep Fox Mulder away from the truth. 

“It’s not for us.” He tossed it back to her absentmindedly. “Plus, I already told you I’m assisting Michalson on a profile.” 

“Right. I still don’t know why. You haven’t offered your services to the VCS in a while. You know what it does to your mind, Fox.” She rested a calming hand on his shoulder, her voice dripping with a smoothness that unnerved him. 

“Well maybe this one will be different.” He grumbled, shrugging off her hand. She narrowed her eyes at him. She knew there was something he wasn’t telling her, not that he told her a lot of things lately. Her task was simple, keep him distracted with as many nonsense cases as possible. She was also to seduce him, make him trust her implicitly. Things changed when Scully rendered her resignation. Diana thought it would be an advantage at first, now realizing how wrong she was. Part of Mulder’s passion for the x-files had somehow transferred into the tiny redhead, and with her gone, so was his longing for working towards his quest. His trust defaulted back to no one. 

His feet felt heavy, like every step held the weight of his problems. How could she keep this from him? He knew she was hurt, now knowing that it was his words that completely shut her down. There was a moment of doubt in his mind that maybe he was jumping to the wrong conclusions, but examining the baby with his trained investigative eye told him everything he needed to know. The shape of his tiny face, the small, but broad shoulders. The way his lips pouted in protest, the same way his own did. 

It wasn’t possible, they had tried and failed several rounds of the IVF. He held her as she sobbed in his arms, kissed her forehead and repeatedly told her to never give up on a miracle. 

He settled into his seat at the briefing, other agents milling around and trickling in. The indistinct chatter becoming the background noise for his sporadic thoughts. 

How, when? He did the math as his pencil tapped on the table in a rhythm of his thoughts. She said the baby was 5 months, okay, work backwards. He knew the 9 months it took to carry the baby, usually 40 weeks to be exact. 5 months, 9 months before...He leaned forward, the realization causing his entire body to jolt forward in an upright, seated position. No doubt in his mind of when it happened, the confirmation only settled in as he met the familiar blue eyes that rushed into the room just before the briefing was set to begin. 

She took the seat opposite from him, the table giving her distance. Her attention remained on Michalson while he spoke of the case, though her mind was on the fact that she could feel Mulder’s gaze burning into her. There was no way around this, no way to avoid the current situation at hand. It was her own doing, the distance between them, the fact that he didn’t know. It was an inner battle when she found out. Should she tell him? Could she handle the resentment that he would eventually feel towards her, towards their child? He made his intentions clear, she knew what was important to him, and it didn’t involve her. 

“Dr. Scully, I’ll need the results from the autopsy as soon as it’s done.” Michalson’s voice boomed in her ear. 

“Yes, sir. Of course.” She cleared her throat, bringing her back to the room. 

“Agent Mulder, I know you’ve been working on the profile, any updates?” 

“Uh, no sir. I was hoping the results from the autopsy would help give me more insight.” He chanced a glance over at Scully, her eyes meeting his for a brief moment. 

Michalson continued his briefing until he dismissed everyone to their own areas. Scully slipped out the door before Mulder had a chance to catch her. She felt foolish, there was only one place he had to look to find her, if he even wanted to. They both had their own parts of the case to work on, and they weren’t partners anymore, though that didn’t stop her from looking for him as the elevator doors closed. 

It took longer than she expected for him to make it down to the morgue. She could hear his pacing footsteps in the hall before he actually made his appearance known. As the door opened, she took a deep breath, preparing for this. She wasn’t sure what ‘this’ was exactly, but she was ready. 

“I was hoping you had more of an update on the autopsy.” His voice was void of emotion, the monotonous hum he held for questioning a suspect. 

“I’m just about finished. I can forward my notes to you once I type them up.” Enter Dr. Scully. The cold, detached ‘ice queen’ was out to play. 

“That would be helpful, thank you.” He nodded, making his departure. He only reached the door before feeling like a jackass all over again. “Scully…” 

“We need to talk, I know.” 

“I owe you an apology.” 

“That’s a good start.” He met her eyes then, seeing a small, timid smile. He returned the gesture, another nod that signaled that they could indeed do this, have this conversation. “Why don’t you stop by tonight?” 

“Do you, uh - same apartment?” He asked, slightly startled by her invitation. 

“Same apartment…” She let her voice trail off. “Same key.” 

His heart stopped in that moment. She never changed the locks, never officially shut him out of her life. He still held a part of her in the semblance of a tiny gold key that never left his key ring. 

“Different phone number.” He mumbled, feeling the wave of guilt break his heart all over again. 

“No…” He gave her a quizzical look, and her cheeks blushed in the event of being caught. “Blocked number.” He made a silent ‘ah,’ nodding in understanding. He couldn’t argue that he didn’t deserve it. 

“I have some stuff to finish once I receive your report, but I can be there after.” 

“How’d you end up assisting on the case anyway?” She gave him a quizzical look, knowing what these kinds of profiles do to his sanity.

“Michalson asked if I could do the profile, and it gave me an excuse to not have to be in the basement.” 

“You, trying to escape the basement? It has been too long.” She teased lightly, trying to ease the tension between them. He welcomed the break with a breathy chuckle, nodding at her astonishment. 

“You’d be surprised.” He stroked his chin thoughtfully. “Or maybe not so much.” 

“I’ll send you the report as soon as I’m done.” 

“See you later, Scully.” He stood closer to her, not knowing when his feet gravitated towards her. There was a confusion, wanting to embrace her, knowing it wouldn’t be welcome. He could read the anticipation in her eyes, a wave of relief washing over him that he still had that ability.

* * *

Mulder smiled to himself as her email came through on his computer. Her message just said, ‘your turn,’ with the report attached. Diana sensed a shift in his mood, he almost seemed relaxed, but it wasn’t towards her. There was something soft in his eyes, something that she’s never quite seen before. Annoyed, she yanked her coat off the chair and made her way towards the door of their cramped office. 

“I’m leaving for the day.” She said assertively. He glanced up from his screen, nodded wordlessly, and turned his attention back to his computer. “Will I be seeing you later?” 

It was a loaded question, the implication quite obvious. He had used her, in his time of broken need. There was a hollowed emptiness that consumed his soul, and she thought she was winning. Every time they came together, he felt dirty, guilty. He was quite literally sleeping with the enemy. After a forced entry to his apartment from the Gunmen, who he had persistently avoided, they basically told him to pull his head out of his ass. They called him on his bullshit, mostly Frohike, and told him to open his eyes. That’s when he realized that every move he made forward, Diana took them 5 steps back. He started questioning who she was having side conversations with, and why she often smelled of smoke. Their almost forced intercourse just became motions of two bodies together, no real meaning behind it. His anger and self-guilt of what he did to Scully was the only thing that kept him functioning on a daily basis. He needed to prove to himself, if anyone, that he wasn’t as big an idiot as he made himself out to be. 

“No, I have plans.” He dismissed her, turning down her implied offer. It was the first time, usually he just went to her place, did the deed, and left. Sometimes he investigated her apartment, looking for any concrete evidence, other than the smoke lingering in the air, that she was working against him. Once, he went through her phone while she showered, but he figured she would have another one for that kind of business. 

“What kind of plans?” 

“Nothing that concerns you.” He leaned back in his chair, strumming a pencil on his fingers, glare straight ahead. She narrowed her eyes at him, now knowing for sure he was hiding something by the sly smirk on his face. She would need to find out immediately. Nothing brought this kind of mischievous confidence in him anymore, unless that was it. Had he talked to Scully? Her bosses made a pretty good effort to keep them apart at all costs. No, he couldn’t have. If he had, he would have known about the child, and he would not be in this good of mood, would he? She was able to gain on the broken man that she had created and maintained the last year or so, but this Fox Mulder before her, this was the man who felt like he could conquer the world with his little redheaded partner by his side. She didn’t like the gleam in his eyes. 

“Fine. I’ll see you tomorrow.” 

Mulder worked on his profile for a few more hours, not wanting to divulge too much into the mind of this twisted bastard, especially not before going to talk to Scully. His heart skipped a beat just thinking about that. He was invited into her home again, welcome to apologize. It’s no doubt what he would need to start with, but that wasn’t going to be the base of their conversation. No, they had a tiny, more important thing to talk about now. 

Scully was exhausted, mentally and physically as she made her way to pick up the baby from her mom’s. It was a lot for the day, and she knew that her mother would hound her, not so subtly, for questions about how her conversation with Mulder went. There were many tired discussions about whether or not she should give him the chance to prove himself. The overwhelming sense of future guilt from pulling him away from what was important to him crashed down on her thoughts. Her mother had practically pleaded with her to tell him, saying that he might surprise her. She knew he would, but would he then resent them for veering him off the path of finding Samantha? Maybe not right away, but down the road. They had only been together once, when faced with yet another life or death situation. She knew this one consumed him of more guilt than some of the previous ones, because he wasn’t there. Leave it to Mulder to assume the responsibility for something that was completely out of his control. 

She was shot, by her temporary partner, facing imminent death. Though it wasn’t, she had a miraculous recovery, and was out of the hospital in a little over a week. Mulder had flown home with her from New York, letting her settle into her apartment. She felt like she could conquer the world, beating death for another countless time. Mulder had been so tender, caring. Their flirtations had increased, more specifically after her failed IVF attempts. There were no discussions about what would happen if it did take, but there was a silent understanding that they were moving forward, together. 

She had made the first move, knowing he wouldn’t dare, even in his dreams. He was hesitant, not believing that she wanted this. There was a subdued laughter building inside of her. He would believe in anything else, but not the idea of being wanted, of being loved. She had told him that she was sure, over and over again, every time he posed the question. He asked as she straddled his lap on the couch, and slowly took off her shirt. He asked when her hand snuck between them to grip him through his jeans, and again as she lead them to her bedroom. He asked as he settled himself on top of her gingerly, careful not to put any pressure on her freshly healed wound. He asked as she yanked his jeans down, gripping onto his boxers to join. And just as he hovered over her, eyes wild with arousal and adoration, he asked as his tip teased her center, just before he entered her. 

“Hi honey, there’s some food still on the stove for you.” Maggie greeted her daughter warmly as she walked into the kitchen. Scully’s mind was elsewhere, but the comforting surroundings and excited expression the baby’s face made when he saw her made everything settle. She picked him up and held him close to her, inhaling his scent and letting it wash over her nerves. Her mother could tell there was something to discuss, choosing her words carefully. “How was your meeting?” 

“Just the first briefing, so I’ll be working on this until we solve it.” She murmured, her face still buried in baby scent. 

“How does it feel, being back as a field agent?” Maggie’s expression was calm, a worried undertone to her words. Scully knew that things had to change, once he was born. She couldn’t pick up in the middle of the night anymore, being gone for days at a time. It was a night of reflection when she found out, after getting over the shock of things, she made a decision. She wrote her resignation letter, and the letter to Mulder, through tears, and cried herself to sleep that night. A mix of wonderment and joy, and the heartbreak of walking away. 

“I’m sure it won’t really hit me until we officially get into things. As of right now, I’m only doing the autopsies. If there’s another victim, I might have to go out in the field, but it’s too soon to tell.” She shrugged, settling the baby in his car seat, hoping for a quick escape. 

“Did you talk to Fox?” Scully let out a heavy sigh, shoulders slumping as she plopped back into her seat. No such luck. 

“Briefly. I’m supposed to meet him back at my apartment in a while. He’s still finishing some things up for the case.” 

“You’re working with him again?” 

“He’s part of the team, yes.” She jutted out her chin, avoiding her mother’s eyes. 

“Did you talk about anything else?” Maggie asked persistently. 

“I told you, mom, we’re going to talk about everything later.” 

“Well, I should hope so. He is that baby’s father, Dana, and by the look in his eyes, he had no idea. You told me he didn’t want to be involved, which I found shocking, knowing him as I do, but I never questioned you on it.” Scully internally groaned at the lecture she was getting, wanting to roll her eyes and stomp up to her room like her teenage self used to. 

“I know, mom. We have a lot to talk about.” 

“You need to tell him, everything. It’s not just him that’s going to be affected by this.” Scully finally met her mother’s eyes as Maggie gave her a pointed, knowing look. Scully let out a heavy sigh, Josh. 

She had met him at a conference that Quantico sent her to a few months back. It was the first thing she did after having the baby, feeling restless cooped up in her apartment. She pleaded her case, that it wasn’t office, nor field work, and felt just fine attending the local 3-day conference. He was on an adjoining panel, speaking about Criminal Analyzing. A tech geek, if she had to classify him. He was plain, and simple. His kind eyes mustering up the courage to speak to her over the pastry table. His timid demeanor and analytical intelligence was everything that Mulder wasn’t, and she welcomed the contrast. They had casually dated, until he expressed that he was very interested in pursuing something more official with her. She gave him a sincere smile, and agreed. The fact that she had a newly born child didn’t seem to deter his interest in her, and that made her feel a semblance of satisfaction. She couldn’t honestly say that she loved him, but she had been content in their relationship. It gave her someone to have there, though no one would ever fill the void that Mulder had engraved into her. 

“I’ll talk to him, both of them. It’s just a lot.” Maggie nodded, covering her daughter’s hand with her own. 

“You need to figure out what’s best for yourself, too, Dana. And most importantly, what’s best for this one right here.” She turned her attention back to the baby as Maggie played with his feet, cooing at him. 

Her drive home felt slow, like she was on her way to walk into the lion’s den, offering herself up as a sacrifice. How the hell was she supposed to tell Mulder everything, and expect him to just fall right into their lives? Would he even want that, or would he resent her as she always feared? She could never ask him to leave the x-files, or stop going on his alien chasing binges, but things were different now, and he needed to understand that, if he was going to be part of their lives. And then there was Josh, she would have to throw in that little admission as well. Her heart sank at the thought that he, too, might be in a new relationship. The lump reaching her throat as images of Diana flashed through her mind. 

“Josh, what are you doing here?” She startled as soon as she stepped into her apartment. He had clearly been waiting for her, sitting there comfortably on her couch. He stood to greet her with a kiss, offering to take her bag so she could get the baby settled. 

“I thought I’d surprise you. You’ve been busy this week, and we haven’t really had a chance to talk.” He looked so genuinely happy that she was here, this whole thing was already not going well. Mulder would be there any minute, and she estimated she had about 10 minutes to kick Josh out before he got there. 

“Is there something specific you want to talk about?” He gave her a puzzled look, and she knew her question had an urgency to it. The guilt began to settle in nicely. 

“No, well, maybe. I was still hoping we could take a vacation away soon, just a weekend.” 

“I already told you I don’t think I can right now. I had my meeting for my first field case back, and I’m just getting reacquainted at work with everything.” She still hadn’t made a move to sit, and he began to sense her nervousness. 

“Hey, what’s really going on?” She felt him come up behind her as she settled the baby in his bassinet. There was no way around this. She turned to face him, her eyes cast downward at her hands. 

“I ran into someone today. I -” She paused, not able to find the right words. “It’s um, well, his father.” She glanced back at the baby, laying there happily, completely oblivious to the mess his surrounding life was about to become. 

“I don’t understand, I thought you said that he wasn’t in the picture. You just made it seem like he, I don’t know, left and never came back.” Josh was rubbing her arms comfortingly, damn him for making this harder. 

“No, he - uh, he’s an Agent, with the FBI. He, um, well he was my former partner.” She bit her lower lip, feeling like she was in a full confessional. 

“So this new case…” Josh was a lot of things, but stupid was not one of them. She let out a heavy sigh. 

“Yes, he’s the profiler for the case.” 

“Does he know, about the baby?” 

“He suspects...but he’s actually, um, on his way here so we can talk.” She chanced to look up at him then, seeing a mixture of different emotions filter across his face. “I wasn’t expecting you.” 

“Clearly.” She was actually surprised to hear the sternness in his voice. Josh was always so gentle, and shy. She’d never seen this side of him. “I suppose my surprise is not welcome then.” 

“I’m so sorry, I just really need to talk to him.” He stepped forward to kiss her chastely, his gentle demeanor returning. 

“I understand, Dana. Just call me later?” She nodded, not really having more to say. 

As he gathered his coat and keys off her front door table, the knock came, freezing them both in place. He glanced over at her, and saw the wide-eyed, terrified expression in her gaze. He began to question whether or not he should leave her alone with whoever this was, but he then understood that she was more terrified of herself, having to reveal her truths. She never quite mastered that skill, he spent a good portion of their relationship attempting to peel back her layers. There were a lot of them, new ones every day. 

Josh opened the door, his coat draped over his arm as he met Mulder, eye to eye. They were the same height, both about the same physical build. Josh had a few extra pounds on him, lacking the daily physical activities of chasing down perps. Mulder immediately began sizing him up, seeing Scully come to stand beside him. He had dirty blonde hair, and glasses that hid his sparkling blue eyes. He was normal, boring, if he had to give him a classification. Glancing at his department store suit, nothing designer, like what hung in Mulder’s closet. 

“Hey, come on in.” Scully finally broke the silence, Mulder giving her a wary look. He was hoping to have this conversation with her alone. He awkwardly stepped in between them as they both stepped to one side to allow his entrance. He turned just in time to see this man lean down and kiss her, one hand resting on her waist. 

“Call me.” 

“I will, I promise.” She licked her lips, not meeting Mulder’s eyes as she closed the door behind Josh. This wasn’t going to help the situation. 

“You didn’t have to - I, uh, I can come back another time.” He stammered. She simply shook her head, they needed to do this, now or never. 

“Would you like some coffee?” 

“No, I’m okay. I think I drank enough coffee to last me a few days, but it got me through my profile.” He shrugged, just now noticing the bassinet in the corner of the room. He took a step towards it, almost afraid that if he got too close, something bad would happen. Scully took the chance to stand next to him, startling him at first. 

“Do you want to hold him?” Her voice was small, wary. His wide, hazel eyes stared back at her with an incredulous look. She stifled a laugh at his panicked expression, lifting the baby and placing him gently in his arms. “He’s a good sleeper.” 

“Definitely something he inherited from you.” She huffed a breathy chuckle, glad he was being so calm about this. It was a different mood than she encountered earlier, but he no doubt had thought about nothing else all day. He gazed down at his son, running his index finger over his tiny features. He was soft, and warm. It gave Mulder a sense of love he couldn't remember ever feeling. 

“He also has a tendency to ignore me when I’m trying to scold him for attempting to wiggle away when I change him.” She mock glared at Mulder, causing him to chuckle and relax for the first time. 

“That might also be genetic, too.” He said lightly, gingerly placing the sleeping child back in his bassinet. 

She gestured for them to sit, wanting to make this as comfortable for the both of them as possible. She could see the heartbreak in his eyes, Josh’s presence no doubt amplifying those emotions. There was a strong urge to hold him close, comfort each other as they’ve done so many times before. 

“Mulder-” 

“Scully-” 

They both started, giving each other a sheepish smile. They were still one part of a whole, each other’s better half. Without their togetherness, they both felt lost, just moving in daily motions. He took a deep breath, they couldn’t get anywhere if he didn’t apologize for what started this initially. 

“I’m sorry. That day, when we were at the Gunmen’s, what I said -” He shook his head, his eyes dark and haunted. “You didn’t deserve that.” 

“I’ve always wondered, why you were so quick to trust her. You knew my apprehensions, and yet you dismissed my evidence, it’s like you didn’t trust me anymore.” 

“No, Scully.” He leaned forward, reaching out to grasp onto her hand. He paused, pulling back, and trying to restrain himself. “I’ve always trusted you.” 

“Until then. What made you choose her over me?” He winced, that’s essentially what he did in the moment, and it’s been the worst decision of his life. 

“Idiotic tendencies led by a single mindset and adolescent need for avenging his family?” 

“Is that your professional opinion?” She huffed, causing him to smile. 

“That’s a first-hand experience opinion.” He admitted. “I should have never dismissed you, especially like that. Things were personal, they were always personal for me where you were concerned, and I shouldn’t have held a double standard over your head.” 

“Wow, you been working on this apology for a year?” 

“Gave me time to perfect it, hoping to right the wrong of the stupidest thing I’ve ever done.” 

“That’s saying a lot, considering I’ve had to save you from some pretty stupid stuff over the years.” She smirked at him, causing him to laugh. It dimmed quickly, his eyes catching hers. 

“None of those even compared to this, none mattered as much to me.” Her breath caught in throat, eyes brimming with tears. Damn, she promised herself she wouldn’t cry. She was honestly more expecting it to be a loud argument than a calm discussion. This really was important to him. 

“I’m sorry, that I left like that. I couldn’t face it, Mulder. When I said there was nothing left for me, I meant it. If you took us away from me, I had no reason to continue our fight. I was invested because it was our work, and you just threw it all away as soon as she dangled supposed evidence in front of you.” 

“I know, I’ll tell you I’m sorry for the rest of my life, until you believe me.” She laughed, knowing he would make good on that promise. “But Scully, you didn’t even think to call?” 

He gestured towards the bassinet, his voice strangled, hurt. A tear fell down her cheek, meeting his eyes and seeing the anticipation of her answer. She let out a shaky sigh, running her hand through her hair absentmindedly. It was a moment of truth, something she’s been terrified of for months. She had convicted him before he was even on trial, not giving him a chance for a counter argument. No opportunity to change her mind of the decision she had made. 

“Mulder, when I found out, the only thing I wanted to do was call you. I was elated, shocked, and then terrified of your response.” She paused, fidgeting with her hands. “I couldn’t even fathom the thought that you’d be resentful towards me, towards us.” Her voice now just a whisper. 

“Oh, Scully.” He took her hand that time. “I know I haven’t given you any reason to believe otherwise, but I want this. I didn’t think I ever did, given my own family background, but it’s something that weighed heavily on my mind when you asked me to help you with the IVF.” 

“I thought you were just doing that for me. I never thought you’d, we never talked about -” 

“I know, and we should have. I felt that loss more than I let on, and I shouldn’t have shielded you from that.” A deep sigh escaped his lips as another tear fell from her eye. “How did this even happen?” 

“I don’t know, honestly. I was sick for several days in a row, and I followed up with my doctor to make sure it wasn’t anything lingering from my recovery. Gunshot wounds are unpredictable, and I was terrified that maybe they missed something. My doctor told me everything was fine, but that I was about 3 weeks pregnant. I thought he was insane.” She huffed out a silent laugh. “I couldn’t even believe the results when they were in my hand.” 

“You never did give up on that miracle.” He muttered quietly, causing a smile to reach her lips. Another thought popping in her head, the frown replacing the small moment of joy. 

“I couldn’t ask you to give that up either, Mulder. Your miracle is continuing your quest, finding the truth about what happened to Samantha. You can’t walk away from that.” 

“That’s why you didn’t tell me, that’s why you thought I’d resent you.” He nodded, putting all the pieces together. It was a valid concern, no doubt his words echoing in her ears, amplifying her worries. ‘You’re making this personal.’ This, it was the most personal news she could ever share, and he caused a doubt in her mind. They created life, together, that now lay in the form of a perfect blend of their DNA, swaddled in his blankets. 

“I didn’t want you to feel obligated to have to choose this, or the work. You were on the verge of a breakthrough, you had just been given the x-files back. I couldn’t crash into your life like this.” 

“You resigned before you knew though.” The accusatory tone in his voice made her wince. He didn’t miss a detail. 

“Yes, I did. It was too much heartache, and I needed a break. When I found out I was pregnant, I thought everything happened for a reason. It was the best decision for both of us at the time.” 

“But you kept him from me, Scully. You didn’t even think to tell me, to give me that choice?” The strangled cry in his voice caused her to swallow the lump in her throat. She had severely miscalculated how much he wanted this, seeing the longing in his eyes. 

“I’m so sorry, Mulder. I didn’t know.” He let out a heavy sigh. She was right, he would have questioned her timing had she told him right away. He was being led off on excursions with Diana, and he didn’t have room in his mind for any distractions. He still wished he knew. 

“It seems we’ve both got a lot to make up for.” A relieved breath escaped her lips, it was his version of beginning to accept her apology. “I want to be around.” His voice was firm, no room for argument. 

“Of course. We’ll figure it out.” She reached out and grasped onto his hand again. The phone ringing made them both jump, the clock telling her exactly who was calling. That tended to happen with Mulder, time seemed to disappear, like they were the only people who mattered in any moment. She gave him an apologetic smile, retrieving the phone before the voicemail spread through the room to break up their happy little moment. 

“Hello.” 

“Dana, it’s me, Josh. It was getting late, and I hadn’t heard from you.” He sounded anxious, like he knew Mulder was still there, sitting sprawled out on her couch like he belonged. 

“I’m sorry, we’ve just been talking. I lost track of time.” 

“He’s still there.” 

“Yes, can I - uh, can I call you tomorrow?” She began to stammer, watching Mulder stand and begin to collect his things. 

“Tomorrow? Dana -” 

“I’m sorry, I have to go, I’ll talk to you later.” She hung up quickly, leaving no more room for discussion as she swiftly made her way back into the living room. 

“I should get going, I didn’t realize how late it was.” He shrugged on his jacket, pursing his lips with an unasked question on his tongue. 

They both stood before each other, no idea where to go from here. Would he join them for dinners, or simply show up for playtime on the weekends? Maybe stop by whenever he pleased, and felt the need to see his son. He still had a key, after all. He was more unsure about the man that she clearly avoided talking about, but was obviously in her life at some capacity. Not to mention the small detail of him screwing Diana that he failed to mention. They still had more to talk about. 

“I’ll um, see you tomorrow?” Her voice suddenly small, loss for words. 

“Yeah, I’ll see you around work.” He smiled, opening the door to leave. He paused, turning around to glance back at the bassinet. “When can I -” 

“You can come over tomorrow again, after work. It’s Friday, so my mom usually stays here with him all day. I can make dinner.” 

“I just, don’t want to intrude, if - um, if other people…” She sighed, leaning her head against the open door. Josh. He was asking about Josh. 

“We still have more to talk about.” He nodded in agreeance, shuffling his feet uncomfortably. “It was a hard decision for me, Mulder. I need you to know that. The hardest thing I’ve ever done was walk away from you.” 

“It seemed to work out okay for you.” He didn’t mean for it to sound as bitter as the words came out, wincing at his own tone of voice. Not helping. “Sorry.” 

“It’s okay, we’ll figure this out.” He nodded again, and she could sense there was something specifically on his mind. She waited. 

“Scully, what’s his name?” He felt embarrassed asking, foolish that he didn’t know the name of his own child, his son. He had a son. That one took all day to settle in. The son of Fox Mulder, poor kid. He could only do his best to not completely screw this up, now that he was given a second chance. 

When he finally met her eyes, she smiled a smile at him that took his breath away. One of those teeth exposing, ear to ear smiles that made her eyes sparkle. Before they had even slept together, they had been teasing at more of a relationship that extended beyond their friendship. Every once in a while, he was honored to receive one of those smiles in response to a joke or an innuendo. It made his heart swell and love her even more. 

“William.” She said in a low voice, watching as the recognition hit his face. He smiled, a lopsided grin and a nod of agreement. 

“After your father, and your brother.” He stated simply in explanation. She met his eyes, holding his gaze, needing him to understand the weight behind her next words. 

“And your father.” 


	2. Chapter 2

“Based on the evidence found by Dr. Scully’s autopsy, we can conclude that he’s escalating. The cause of death remains to be strangulation, with post-mortem stab wounds on their stomachs. Agent Mulder has provided us with a basic profile. Caucasian, male, between mid-thirties and mid-forties. We’re looking for someone with an outward hatred towards women, but we think he’s an observer. Perhaps someone in security, or janitorial staff. The central location of the attacks is a small, local clinic, and three of the victims have been either nurses or volunteers. Agents Stevens and Jones, I’m sending you to question the third victim’s family. See if she was at the clinic, or works nearby where she might walk past on her daily route. Agent Mulder, I’ll have you visit the most recent crime scene with Dr. Scully, see if there’s anything we missed, or anything the family remembers.” Michalson dismissed everyone to their assigned sections.

Mulder chanced a look over to Scully, a small smirk appearing on her lips, the apprehension so evident in her eyes. She sat next to him today. That small move gave him every ounce of hope he had lost since she left.

He escorted her out of the office as the other agents began to disperse. His hand twitched towards her lower back, pausing in motion. She glanced behind her slightly, seeing the trepidation in his eyes. A fire flickered in her stomach, knowing his touch would burn through her. She longed for that feeling again.

“The reports said she was found in an alley close to the clinic, but she didn’t work there, and no connection has been made so far.” Scully perused over the report as Mulder drove. They fell into the roles that consumed the previous years of their lives. This routine they had, it became their norm. They didn’t work with others, because no one knew their minds or the secrets their eyes told when they had a silent conversation.

“Hopefully Jones and Stevens can find something that connects her to this location. Only the volunteer and the two nurses had the attachments to the clinic. The other victim was random, but there’s got to be something we’re missing.” Mulder’s mind was already bouncing around sporadically, images of the case fluttering around in his head like snapshots.

“He’s gutting them like he’s looking for something.”

“Or wants them to feel the pain of something he’s experienced…” His voice trailed off, lost in his own mind. She loved seeing him like this, it excited her. There was so much she had learned from him that made her love him in a way she’s never felt about anyone before.

“What are you thinking?” She leaned in, putting herself in his peripheral.

“I don’t know yet, but hopefully someone at the clinic can help.” He shrugged, his realization of how close she moved. They did that when they were bouncing theories off each other, like somehow a closer proximity would bring their answers to them. He turned to her slowly, a grin touching his lips as she realized how near she had become. They had about 2 hours until they reached their destination, and lack of better judgement told him to dive right into an uncomfortable situation.

“So, tell me about your boyfriend.” She leaned back in her seat, an incredulous breath huffing from her lips. She should have predicted this, being trapped in a car with him for too long often brought out rather interesting conversations.

“I’ve only been seeing Josh for a few months. He’s a criminal analyst.” She offered minimally.

“So that’s his name.” He nodded, pursing his lips. She rolled her eyes, shifting in her seat.

“What are you really asking, Mulder?”

“I was just wondering what you’ve been up to.” He shrugged, hoping she wouldn’t ask the same questions. He should have known better.

“And what about you? Anything new in your life...anyone?”

“Nothing serious.”

“But there is someone.” She persisted. There was no way to avoid this, and he felt incredibly stupid for even starting the conversation. The clock in the car told him they were only 5 minutes closer to their destination.

“Diana was assigned as my partner on the x-files, after you...left.”

“I see.” She cleared her throat, she didn’t want to hear this. Curiosity always did win the best of her. “And you two have been...seeing each other?”

“Not in the committed sense, no.” She pursed her lips, eyebrow raised as she glared out the window.

“It explains a lot then, I guess.” Her mind was back to that night in the Gunmen’s, the night that was the beginning of the end. She just wanted an answer, why was he so quick to trust her on a simple faith. Now she knew.

“Scully…”

“It’s fine, Mulder. We don’t owe each other explanations. This is the most we’ve even spoken in the past year.” She bit back with a little more force than she intended.

“Yeah, and whose fault is that?” Her head snapped towards him, how dare he. They both glanced at the clock, 1 hour and 45 minutes to go.

“It’s not exactly like you came after me, or forced yourself back in my life like you usually do. Now I know, you were a little too preoccupied to care.”

“I would have cared enough to at least tell you about a child that’s half yours.” He let out a heavy sigh, this wasn’t what he wanted. “I’m sorry. That was uncalled for.”

“I want this to work, Mulder.” Her voice was small, as if she were still convincing herself to believe her own words.

“Me, too. I know we need to talk about all of this.” He relaxed his shoulders, his hand now resting between them over the center console. She glanced down, the silent action thudding loudly in her ears with the sound of her heartbeat quickening. He was making an effort, he was trying to prove to her that he could be everything she thought he wasn’t. She rested her hand over his, a gentle squeeze expressing her acceptance of his apology.

“We’ll figure it out, I know it’s a lot.”

“I’m glad that you’ve had someone, that you weren’t alone with the baby.” He sounded genuine. He only wished that person would have been him.

She turned to look at him, brow furrowing as if he were speaking another language. This wasn’t the single-minded, quick witted partner of hers. He had a sadness in his eyes that was more haunted than she ever remembered seeing. Something was severely broken inside of him, despite having what was important back to him. She thought her departure wouldn’t be as compromising on him, given that he had the x-files back. But then she saw it.

The deep loss that was written in the finer lines of his face. Really looking at him, she could see that he had aged, lost some of his mischievous wonder that fueled his passion. This was deeper than Samantha, this was closer to his heart. He had lost her, and now, he felt like he lost the baby he didn’t even know existed. Losing something before he had the chance to love and protect it. Tears brimmed her eyes as she composed herself, staring at the window. The wave of guilt washing over her, she gripped onto his hand tighter in a silent apology.

The rest of the car ride was silent, the only sounds were her flipping through pages and him cracking sunflower seeds. It was the theme song to their life for so many years, it comforted them.

“Scully.” She absentmindedly answered her ringing cell, still flipping through the autopsy reports and writing her own notes.

“Dana?” His voice caused her to flinch, not expecting to hear from him. It was like he was separate from her work life, and hearing his voice created an unease that her worlds were blending together.

“Josh, hi.” She glanced over at Mulder, seeing his shoulders tense slightly, his teeth gritting as he cracked open several more seeds and pretended not to eavesdrop.

“I’m sorry to call in the middle of the day, I know you’re busy. I just haven’t heard from you since last night, and I wanted to make sure you were okay.” She could hear the anxiousness in his voice, the uncertainty.

“No, it’s okay. I’m fine.”

“I’d like to see you tonight, maybe I can stop by after work?”

“Oh. Um, it might be a late night for me. I’m actually on my way to a crime scene right now, and I don’t know what time I’ll be getting back.” She hoped he would accept her explanation, but he never was satisfied with her minimal responses. Always trying to break through the walls she put up every day.

“That’s okay, I’ll stop by later tonight. I’ll see you then.” He hung up before she could respond, a deep sigh escaping her lips as she slammed her phone shut and shoved it back in her bag.

“Everything okay?”

“Well, dinner just got a lot more cozy.” She mumbled, fidgeting with her hands.

“I don’t have to come over.” That sadness appeared in his eyes once more, like he was losing them all over again, and there was nothing he could do to stop it.

“No, I want you to feel welcome to come over whenever you want.”

“Scully, it’s okay. I don’t want to mess anything up for you, or make this more difficult.” He scoffed, shaking his head. “That’s all I seem to know how to do.”

She didn’t respond, feeling suddenly trapped in the car with no escape. The realization that she couldn’t have both of them in her life hitting her like a force she wasn’t ready to shield herself from. Mulder made her feel alive and captured her soul in a way no one had before. They created life together, and he would always hold her heart. She knew that eventually she would unintentionally fade Josh out of her life, and that wouldn’t be fair to him. Mulder may not want her the way she thought he did before, but she would rather have him around than sacrifice that again. Having his child was what kept her going.

* * *

Mulder pulled up to a modest looking home, the traditional white shutters and blue painted door. He followed her up the porch, knocking as they silently waited for a response. A middle-aged woman opened the door, her warm smile welcoming them.

“You must be Agent Mulder.” She shook his hand, moving aside to allow their entry.

“Yes, it’s nice to meet you Mrs. Laughlin. This is my...partner, Dr. Scully.” He glanced down quickly, just to catch Scully’s eyes. There was a gleam in those bright blues and a hidden smirk on her lips.

“So you’re here about Amanda’s case?” Nancy Laughlin escorted them into the living room, offering them coffee as she restlessly moved around. Mulder could sense her unease about the topic, but only that of a grieving mother.

“We just wanted to see if there’s anything else that you’ve remembered since you spoke with our colleagues?”

“No, I told them everything I know.” She let out a heavy sigh and Scully could see the frustration in her eyes, the need for closure.

“Mrs. Laughlin, did Amanda work near the area where she was discovered? Was it on her normal path, or did she have friends over there?” She asked gently, leaning forward to give her her undivided attention. Mulder was always amazed when she did this, was able to comfort victims’ families, push her skepticism and doctoral detachment aside. She had a huge heart, and it’s something that he admired and loved about her.

“Not that I can think of. She never really spent any time over in that area that I would know.”

“What about friends in that area, or that worked at the clinic?” Mulder chimed in, hoping for a connection.

“She has one friend that lives closer to that part of town, but she only used to work at a coffee shop nearby.” They both nodded, realizing that they weren’t going to find their answers here. They thanked her for her hospitality and then made their way to the crime scene.

Scully began wandering around the alley, Mulder lost in his own version of what happened. She collected samples of the surroundings to match them to traces found on the victims, while he profiled. That’s what they did, what they knew how to do well together, before he screwed it up.

“There’s something we’re missing.” He pulled at his lower lip, deep in thought. She stepped towards him, standing in his personal space.

“What are you thinking?” He could feel her breath on his mouth.

“I don’t know, does the clinic have any specialties that they cater to?”

“No, it’s a general women’s and children’s clinic.”

“Which only sticks to the theory that he has a hatred towards women, but -” He let out a heavy sigh. This case was frustrating him, and he was almost afraid to completely lose himself in the profile. There was too much at stake for him to be reckless, for him to drown himself in the emotions of a mad man.

“Let’s go talk to the clinic director, see if there’s something there.” She laid a comforting hand on his arm, giving him a reassuring squeeze. A small smile touched his lips, a sense of remembrance of what they used to have.

Scully walked in with authority, flashing her badge and asking to speak to the head doctor. They were introduced to a Dr. Amy Faulkner, a strict woman with a genuine kindness in her eyes. Scully and Mulder had read about the backgrounds of the staff, all avid women’s studies doctors and nurses. Even the volunteers had a solid background. No one stuck out to Mulder, no one screamed suspect.

“Dr. Scully, it’s a pleasure to meet you.” Dr. Faulkner extended her hand to them both, her stoic demeanor present.

“Thank you for taking the time for us today. This is my partner, Agent Mulder.” She flashed him a quick smirk as her eyebrow twitched slightly in amusement.

“Please, let’s discuss things in my office.”

They were led into a small room, barely large enough for her desk. They took the seats she gestured for them to take, and positioned herself in her chair. Mulder glanced around, pictures of newborns and women plastered on several bulletin boards around the office. He knew instantly that the people that worked here were strictly here for the work and help of these women, not the money. It could use a modern day touch up, but that rustic, homey feel is what gave it its charm. No doubt it attracted the trust of their patients, making them feel comfortable. He couldn’t understand why someone would be targeting them.

“Dr. Faulkner, I want to start by extending my condolences to you for the staff that you’ve lost.” Mulder began, trying to allow her to open up to him, creating a comforting space.

“The staff was definitely heartbroken to hear of what happened to Linda and Mallory. They were some of the best nurses we’ve ever had.” She cleared her throat to shake the tears from her eyes. “Stacy, our volunteer, she’d been here for years as well.”

“Were you able to pull the reports for us that I asked about before meeting today?” Scully asked with a small smile, understanding the doctor’s need to keep this professional.

“I did, but with such a small staff, there are dozens of patients that those three specifically worked on together.” She shrugged, handing them a rather large list of names.

Scully began to sift through them while Mulder asked more questions about the types of clients and services they rendered. She could tell he was trying to get a feel of the place, doing what he does best. He needed to completely throw himself into the center of the investigation, the missing link was killing him.

“You’ve performed abortions here?” Scully’s brow furrowed, seeing one catch her eye on the list.

“Only very few, and under specific circumstances.” Dr. Faulkner redirected her gaze, suddenly feeling as if she were on trial.

“Were you the primary doctor for all of these procedures?”

“Yes, I’m the only one who’s performed the abortions. Though, like I said, there have been very few. I think on that list, I can only think of maybe three.”

“It’s not more of a common request at a women’s clinic?” Mulder’s mind already working this case from a completely different angle.

“I didn’t say it wasn’t requested, I said that it was only minimally performed. We have therapists here to talk to the women who come to that as their only answer. Many of them change their mind, choose to carry to term and go the adoption route. Some realize they have more of a support system than their anxiety allowed them to see that they had. But there are the few that are rape victims, or in abusive relationships, and this truly is the only option in their mind.”

Scully looked to Mulder, the images of the victims’ mangled bodies flashing through both of their minds. This was it, this was the key to the case. With their unspoken communication, they both turned and thanked her for her time.

“Dr. Faulkner, I don’t mean to alarm you in any way, but based on the findings, you may be on the list of his wrath. We will be sending a few local officers to escort you to and from work until this is over. Please, do not leave the clinic tonight until they are able to get here.” Mulder warned, the doctor’s eyes widening. She simply nodded her understanding, sinking back in her chair as they made their exit.

“Scully, you’re a genius.” He said excitedly as they settled themselves in the car, a long drive ahead of them.

“It’s taken you this long to figure that out Mulder?” She smirked at him as she pulled out her phone to call Michalson with their findings.

Once the rest of the team was filled in, she began going through the list that was provided for them. She highlighted the abortion cases, and they suddenly had 5 names. There was still no direct connection to the other women who were murdered, but she had no doubt that if the other team was working as diligently as them, they would have their relation by the end of the day.

As she glanced over at Mulder, she could see the lightness back in his features. He had seemed so lost when she saw him just yesterday, sitting on the park bench, searching for answers from anywhere he could hopefully get a response. The gleam in his eyes now, it’s the same spark that he held for his slideshows when he had to convince her of a case. It was the passion for his work that had died along with her absence in his life. She now understood that he needed her just as much as she was starting to realize she needed him. No one brought out the exhilarating frustrations that he made shine in her, no one challenged her, treated her as an equal. Sure, she was a department head, but that came with much scrutiny and judgement from several of her male colleagues. She could even see the same look in Josh’s eyes sometimes, the look of intimidation when they attempted to have an intellectual argument. He usually gave up, and joked about not being able to win against her stubborn competitiveness. But that never deterred Mulder, it fueled him.

“So how narrow has our list become?” He asked, noticing the far away look that shone in her eyes when she was lost deep in her thoughts. She shook her head, glancing back down at the papers in her lap.

“Five names, five women who have had abortions in the last year. All of them had the two nurses, and the volunteer, along with Dr. Faulkner, as their staff during the procedure.”

“So now we just have to find the connection between the other two victims, and the women on the list.” She nodded wordlessly, realizing they had about an hour left in their drive, and an ambiguous air floating around them.

“Did you still want to come over after work?” She cleared her throat, suddenly terrified of his rejection. She wanted him to be around, and she could see the longing to do so in his eyes. It wasn’t enough to mask the hesitation.

“I don’t want to intrude. I know you have plans.” He said quietly, hoping she wouldn’t pick up on the bitterness in his voice. The heavy sigh escaping her lips told him that he wasn’t that fortunate.

“Mulder, I’m not going to push you away. You’re both going to have to deal with the fact that the other is in my life. I’m hoping you can handle that like adults.” His heart swelled at the mention of him even being in her radar again, let alone her life. He knew she meant for the baby, but in his mind it meant so much more.

“I just get the feeling he doesn’t like me around.”

“You’re probably right, but it’s not for him to say. It’s going to be an adjustment for us all.” She said confidently, jutting her chin out. He wanted to laugh, when she made a decision, there was no convincing her of otherwise.

“Maybe I can come over tomorrow?” He still needed to sort out his feelings, and knew that Josh being around, glaring at him, wouldn’t help things. She sighed in resignation, knowing it was the best course of action. She would just have to find a way to kick Josh out.

“Sure, we can go to the park and have lunch. He loves to be outside.” She said with a smile. His heart sank, the sudden awareness of that fact that he knew nothing about his son hitting him full force. Was he a dreamer like him, staring up to the sky for answers? Or did he look around for hard evidence of things, like her? Was he even too young to have a personality, no doubt he’d have to be advanced mentally, he was their child after all. “You okay?”

“Yeah, just thinking.” He shrugged, staring straight ahead.

“Well, don’t too much.” She teased, resting a hand on his arm. He huffed a breathy chuckle, glancing over at her. She still knew him better than he even knew himself. If he had the time to overthink everything, he’d be more of a mental case than he already was. He needed to trust her words, believe that she truly wanted him around for William, and if he was really going for extreme possibilities, for her, too.

* * *

Scully was exhausted, no new information turning up from their case yet. There was an awkward moment after Mulder walked her to her car, both of them unsure how to do this part of everything. They could work together, feed off each other’s mental energies, but this personal aspect of their newly budding friendship was still an adjustment. In a way, they had to start over.

“Hi, honey. I thought you’d be in later, dinner is still cooking.” Her mother greeted with a welcoming smile.

“We didn’t hit much traffic coming back, and there’s been a break in the case, but nothing new for me to do.” She shrugged, picking up the baby from her mother’s lap. This was her favorite part of the day, losing herself in her son’s baby scent. It washed away all of her nerves of the day, enveloping her in love.

“Is Fox still joining us for dinner?” Her mother probed as she tossed the salad. Scully rolled her eyes, knowing she shouldn’t have let that information slip.

“No, but Josh is. He will probably be here shortly.” Her mother nodded, going back to her task with a secret written on her face. She liked Josh, he was nice, easy going. The only trepidation she had towards him was that her daughter didn’t have that spark in her eye like she did when she talked about Mulder. There was never any obvious chemistry, and she realized, now more than ever, that he was more of a convenience. “What, mom?”

“Nothing, I made Fox’s favorite meal, but I’m sure Josh will enjoy it just as much.” She smiled at her daughter, pulling the lasagna out of the oven to cool. Scully sighed, knowing that ‘nothing’ from a Scully woman meant there was a conversation brewing like a storm.

“Mom…”

“I’m just worried that he doesn’t feel welcome here, Dana. He’s William’s father, you can’t push him away.”

“I’m not, but until him and Josh are comfortable with each other, it’s best for everyone to just keep things separate for now. Josh was pretty insistent on coming over tonight, and I know since Mulder came back into the picture, I’ve been kind of neglecting him. I don’t want either of them to feel like they’re not welcome. Everything’s just so complicated right now.” She let out a heavy sigh, groaning as she buried her face back into the baby’s hair. He played happily with toys in front of him, completely oblivious to the discussions around him.

“I know you’re worried about including everyone and making them happy, but you need to make sure you’re doing what’s best for you, too.” Maggie said comfortingly as she set the salad on the table and squeezed her daughter’s shoulder. She was done lecturing, for now.

Her seemingly harmless comment jarred Scully, her grip tightening slightly on the baby as her mother’s words processed. What was best for her? At first glance, Josh was the nice guy, supportive, with a stable job. He stepped up and helped her around the apartment and with the baby. He had entered that role without her asking, a regular standup guy. Mulder was never even given that chance. He was the risk, the one that she would always wonder about, but knew she loved harder than ever before. Ever since she walked away, she felt like part of her was missing, like her life was just automatic motions. Her mind and her heart were telling her two different things.

Josh arrived just as they were getting ready to eat. Scully had called him on her way home and let him know that she was home earlier than expected. She was mostly hoping that he would come over early, and not stay the night as he often did if he came later. It would be easier to avoid him tomorrow so that Mulder could come spend time with the baby. When he arrived, he handed her flowers and a bottle of wine, and her hopes sank with her heart. This was going to be more difficult than she thought.

“This looks great, Maggie.” Josh smiled at her. Scully could sense the anxiousness radiating off of him, and his mannerisms told her that he had something on his mind. That, mixed with the flowers and wine, she was suspect about his behavior.

They engaged in pleasant conversation, though she was rather quiet, and both her mother and Josh noticed. It amplified his nerves, and Maggie could feel the disconnect between them. She let out a concerned sigh as she offered to do the dishes, hoping they would sort this out before there were more broken hearts.

“Actually, I’m glad you’re here Maggie. I have something I want to run by you, well, both of you.” He began, seeing the skeptical look in Scully’s gaze. “I would really like to take a weekend trip away with Dana, but we’d need someone to take the baby.”

Scully let out a heavy sigh, he had been persistent about this the past week or so, and she was avoiding it at all costs. Part of her knew that he wanted something even more permanent than their current arrangement, but she’d always known that it was wrong. Work was the main excuse, along with not wanting to leave the baby with someone for too long. He had made every compromise in the book, and she had still found an excuse every single time.

“I think it’s something we should discuss before we start making plans.” She chimed in, giving him a pointed glare. Maggie chose this time to put the leftovers in the fridge and make her exit.

After she put the baby to bed, he was waiting for her with a glass of wine on the couch. She knew this urgency was mostly due to Mulder’s presence suddenly back in their lives. He had reason to panic, though she’d never admit to that.

“Did you want to watch a movie?” He asked hesitantly, hoping she didn’t really want to talk. He knew that would mean facing a truth he’s felt coming for a while.

“No, but I think we should talk.” He sighed and she knew he was jumping to all the wrong conclusions, so she continued quickly. “I talked to Mulder earlier about the same thing.”

“Oh?”

“I want you both to be around, but that will sometimes mean being in the same place at the same time and needing to at least be civil. You don’t know each other, but I’d like you to. I need you to be okay with him being around more often.”

“I know, and I promise to try. It’s still just interesting to me that he comes back out of nowhere and suddenly wants to be part of your lives.” She winced, now knowing the misconception about Mulder stemmed from the lie she told herself about his involvement with the baby.

“He didn’t know.” Her voice was only a whisper, having to face the truth.

“About the baby?”

“I know I told you that he wasn’t involved, and that’s true, but it wasn’t what you were led to believe, and I should have clarified that. You’ve always thought he just left me with this responsibility, but he didn’t even know I was pregnant.” She paused, diverting her eyes from the tenderness and understanding in his. “There was a time that the doctor told me that I couldn’t conceive, and Mulder accepted my request to be my sperm donor so that I was able to try all of my options.”

She watched as Josh’s jaw stiffened, now piecing together that they were closer than she originally let on. Always explaining it as a one time thing, and here she was, proving the contrary.

“We were closer than partners, he was my best friend. After the IVF attempts failed, I was so distraught and upset. He held me together, we did that for each other. Then, the work was trying both of our patience, and we just went our separate ways. I found out I was pregnant after I left, and I thought it was best to keep it from him.” She sounded disappointed in herself, the melancholic look in her gaze as she glanced towards the room where the baby slept.

“Do you think things would have been different, if he had known, been involved?”

“I don’t know, honestly.” She mumbled, the guilt washing over. She had asked herself that question over and over. Would he have walked away from the work, even as close as he was? Would he have been there for her while she was giving birth instead of clear across the country chasing the lights in the sky? She didn’t know. “I think he would have wanted to be involved, but I don’t know how much of himself he’d be able to commit. I don’t know how much he’s willing to give now. It’s all so complicated.”

“Well, I’m willing to try, if it’s important to you.”

“It is.” She met his eyes, seeing him nod back his apprehensions. He leaned forward to place a chaste kiss on her lips, and she invited him to stay. She’d deal with the new issue tomorrow, one day at a time.

* * *

Mulder jolted forward after answering his phone, glancing at the clock seeing the midnight hours staring back at him. He let out a heavy sigh, processing the information being told to him by the ASAC of the case.

“Yeah, I’ll be in right away.” He slammed his phone, the bastard was escalating, and completely changed everything. Their new victim, was a man.

“Hello?” She sounded agitated, but not asleep.

“Scully, it’s me.”

“Is this some kind of conspiracy to not let me sleep?” She groaned as he heard shuffling in the background.

“What?”

“William woke up screaming not 5 minutes ago. He feels a little warm, but I don’t think it’s anything serious.” She explained, more shuffling. A faint voice caused his heart to stop. ‘Do you want me to get a cool cloth?’ Something so simple, and his entire life felt like it was closing in. It seemed that he was more unwelcome to dinner than he originally thought. “Mulder?”

“Yeah, sorry. Uh, I was just calling to see if -”

“What the hell is this?” She groaned again. “My other line is beeping, hold on.” He knew it was no doubt Michalson calling her in to do the autopsy. He had hoped he could beat him to the punch, offer to pick her up with some coffee. “So that’s why you were calling.”

“Yeah, I was going to see if you wanted me to pick you up, but maybe I’ll just meet you there.” He said quickly. She let out a heavy sigh, knowing he heard Josh’s voice in the background, there was no mistaking that he was awoken in the middle of the night as well, because he was sharing her bed. “Is he okay?”

“He should be, I’m going to give him some baby Tylenol, and hopefully that’ll bring down his fever and let him sleep.” She explained absentmindedly. He should be there, to handle this with her. Not just some secondary phone call. Would she have even called him?

“Okay, I’ll - uh, see you soon then.” He hung up before she could respond. She stared at the phone in her hand, almost not wanting to have to face him when he was in a mood.

They both met in the conference room, the other agents sleepily buzzing around and bouncing ideas off each other. What the hell had changed? Mulder stood in front of the board, looking at the new crime scene photos. They had just been sent in, and Scully was waiting for the body to arrive. She approached, standing next to him, watching his mind work. As uneasy as they were around each other in their personal life, he needed her here. He thrived off her presence, off her mind. With her next to him, he felt invincible.

“Was there any connection between the other victim and one of these people on our list?” He asked, sensing her without a spoken word.

“Yes, but only that Vanessa Chavez was friends with one of the 5 women on the list. A Yesenia Garcia. It looks like the family confirmed that they were close friends, but didn’t know Yesenia very well. They were college friends, and her family doesn’t live in the area.”

“Would the clinic keep a guest log of people who came and went, or is it just the patients they see?” An idea popping in his head, excitement in his eyes.

“It’s a small clinic, so they take the names of anyone who enters.”

“We need the guest log from the day that Yesenia had her abortion, and we need to contact her to confirm.” He rambled on, lost in his own thoughts. “Scully, I think he’s attacking those who went with them for the procedure. In his mind, these people allowed them to make this decision, and he feels wronged by it.”

“You think someone aborted his child without his knowledge?”

“Yes, exactly. I think whoever started this is on that list, too. Somehow he was able to gain access to the list, maybe by volunteering, or hacking into their system, I don’t know. But we need to make this connection, something to hold it.”

“Well, the newest victim’s girlfriend is on her way in, maybe she can confirm.” Michalson chimed in, overhearing their conversation.

“What’s her name?” Scully ventured, pulse quickening with the energy of the room.

“Angela Serrano.”

“Mulder…” Her voice was just a whisper, glancing down at the paperwork in front of her. He leaned closer, voice so small. “She’s on the list.” Their eyes met, both knowing this was it. This was going to be the one to end it all.

Once the interview was in full swing, they watched from the room off to the side, hiding behind the wall. The woman was young, early 20’s, and clearly distraught over the brutal murder of her boyfriend. Even in her emotional state, it was necessary for them to ask about her abortion. The confirmation of him being with her at the time of the procedure caused a sigh of relief from every agent listening in.

“If we can narrow down who went with each of these other women, we can narrow down who’s next on the list, and hopefully find our suspect. I’m thinking that the one who did this alone will give us whoever she was avoiding in the first place.” He explained with an enthusiasm that she missed.

They worked diligently all morning, thriving off of coffee and stale pastries to fuel them through the rest of the case. They were close, and narrowed down the one person on the list who went into the procedure alone. It was only a matter of contacting her for more information. Scully finished her autopsy while Mulder finished his report on the profile. There was no need for either of them anymore unless something new happened.

“How’s it going down here?” He sauntered into the room, looking rumpled and sleepy, but an overall content demeanor.

“I’m just finishing, I do not miss these 3 am wake up calls.” She groaned, causing him to chuckle at her disheveled state. “Are you still coming over today? We might have to forgo the park, but we can just hang out.”

“Yeah, I’d like to shower first, but I can be there later this afternoon.” They both nodded at each other. They could do this. He had time to think about it, and push aside his feelings about the fact that Josh was around. It was important to her, and he would have to deal with it if he wanted to see his son. He just was never good about sharing, especially when it came to her.

He escorted her upstairs once she finished, his hand twitching at her lower back again. It was so automatic, that even after a year, he felt like it belonged there. She caught the motion, wanting to reassure him that it was okay, not knowing if she was truly ready for that.

“Fox, I wasn’t sure you got my messages.” Diana came towards them, a determination in her eyes. Scully startled, jaw tightening at the sight of this woman. They had managed to avoid this topic of conversation.

“Diana, what are you doing here?” He asked, an exasperated sigh escaping his lips.

“I’ve been trying to call you all morning. There was a report of a returned abductee in Washington. I was on my way here to set up our travel arrangements. She’s in a coma, but I think we should get there as soon as possible.” She glanced down at Scully, whose eyes diverted down towards her feet.

He was torn. This is the type of case he’s been waiting for, almost not wanting to believe that Diana was the one bringing it to him. He’d been tracking on his own, but there hadn’t been a return in a while, at least none that were reported. He stayed in touch with most of the MUFON groups, tracking their chatrooms, but there’d been no new activity. He could see the apprehensions in Scully’s eyes, would he run off at the first mention of extraterrestrial life? They had plans, to spend the day together, with their son.

“If she’s in a coma, Diana, I don’t see why we’d have to fly out right away. This can’t wait until Monday?” Scully’s brows furrowed, he wouldn’t possibly be turning down this chance. She glanced towards Diana, seeing her teeth clench and eyes burning.

“I thought this would be too important to waste any time on.” Diana bit back, glancing between him and Scully. Their close proximity, his refusal to run off right away. He knew, there was no denying it. He knew about the child. This was her last stitch effort to keep him at her side, away from her. “It’s a woman, Fox. She matches Samantha’s description.”

Scully let out a heavy sigh, there was no way she could keep him from this. He’d resent her, as she always feared. One look in his eyes and she knew his decision was already made, though she didn’t trust where the information was coming from. There was a distinct feeling of dejavu that if she attempted to invalidate Diana’s claims, it would just lead to another argument.

“Scully, I -”

“It’s fine, I’ll talk to you later, Mulder.” She dismissed herself, leaving without another word. His heart sank, she was walking away from him, and taking their child with her...again.

“Scully, wait.” He called after her, ignoring Diana’s pleas to hurry so that they could leave. How could he ever make this decision? He knew that Diana’s sources weren’t exactly reliable, but he would wonder every day if maybe this time, it was really her. “Scully, please.” He caught up to her in the parking garage, his hand wrapping around her arm gently to stop her in her stride. She yanked her arm away from him, anger burning in her eyes when she met his gaze.

“Mulder, I said it was fine.”

“Then why don’t I believe you?”

“Oh, so now you care about what I have to say? It’s not me you should be questioning your belief in.” She spat at him, the implication clear.

“Look, I know you don’t trust her, and I’m not completely sure I do either, but I have to know.”

“I know.” She let out a resigned sigh. “I wouldn’t hold you back from that, but you also have to understand that there’s more to think about here, Mulder. If you go off on this bender, I don’t know when I’ll see you again. You might come back, and hole yourself up in the basement. I know you want to be here, but that means fully being here, not just a presence.”

“You can’t ask me to choose, Scully. This has been what I’ve based my entire life off of, and I don’t know if I know how to change that.”

“I’m not asking you to!” She shouted at him. He took a step back at the force of her words. “I never asked you to.”

“No, you just made the decision for me.”

“Well, it looks like it was the right choice after all.” Tears brimmed her eyes as she jutted out her chin, needing to gain some semblance of confidence. She could feel him glaring at her. It wasn’t fair, what she was doing, but things were different now. As much as she wanted to be by his side during his quest, she had another person to consider, a life to take care of and protect. She couldn’t do that if she ran off at the first sign of little grey men anymore.

“Don’t do that, you know this is important to me.”

“Yes, I know. It’s why I made my decision in the first place. Mulder, you are brilliant and ambitious, but you don’t know how to share the importance of your mind and your heart. You’ve always told me that finding Samantha was the most important thing to you, and I would never step in the way of that.”

“You make it sound like I’m not coming back. I’ll be back, I just -” He growled, turning to hit a wall behind him with his flat palm. She startled back, seeing the conflicting thoughts bouncing around his mind. “I can’t do this right now.”

“No, I suppose you can’t.”

“Scully, please. I can’t walk away from this, but I can’t walk away from you either. I -” He paused, running his hand through his hair.

“I can’t constantly wonder if you’re going to show up for things, or ditch us to go chasing lights in the sky at the first mention of activity. If you want to be here, I need you to be here, Mulder. There’s a certain responsibility that comes with being a parent, and I don’t -”

“You don’t think I can do it.”

“I don’t know if you’re ready for it. I know this was thrown at you, and that’s my fault, but -” She let out a heavy sigh, the tear falling. “I don’t know.”

“Scully, I promise, when I get back, I’ll be here, and we can talk. But I need to follow this lead.”

“Yeah, I know.” Her voice was just a whisper. He wanted to hold her, apologize for being a complete idiot all over again, but he couldn’t do that. His mind was elsewhere, already in Washington.

“I know you think I’m running off at every lead I get, but I’m only chasing what’s important to me. I chased you, Scully.” The words clenched her heart, the tears now spilling over, unable to be contained. She met his eyes, understanding that even though Samantha had always been the most important thing to him, so had she.

He followed Duane Barry’s every move, bypassing the obstacles that Krycek put in front of him, just to reach her. He barely missed her, and that guilt ate him alive for an agonizing three months. When her mother had her completely buried and gone, Mulder was the one who chased the hope that she was still alive, that she would return to him the way Samantha never did. He was what pulled her back to this earth, pulled her soul to his.

He went chasing after the men that caused her cancer, hoping to find a cure. He risked his own life to even have a chance to save hers. He followed the shadows that were obscured by cigarette smoke, just to meet the Cancerman head on.

Then, there was Antarctica. He quite literally went to the ends of the earth to save her. He kept her warm, carrying her out when her body gave up on her. There was never a question on whether or not he would chase the lights in the sky to save her, she’d always known the answer to that, too afraid to face it. He had traded his believed sister for her, sacrificed the most important thing in his life, for her. Her eyes widened, she had become the most important thing in his life now. The guilt began to crush her heart, seeing the pleading look in his eyes.

“I chased you, Scully.”

The tears fell freely as she watched the watery image of him walk away.


	3. Chapter 3

Mulder managed to hold off Diana on travel arrangements. If he was going to leave, he was going to be damn sure. There was too much at risk for this to be some wild goose chase. Diana had disappeared, saying she had some follow up calls to make, so he holed himself downstairs in the basement. He quickly went to work. 

There were several MUFON contacts in the Oregon area, so he thought he’d start there. He put in a few inquiries with the guys, and let them do what they did best. This better be Samantha if he was going to risk his son, and Scully. The pain in her eyes haunted him, he’d never wanted her to look at him like that, not since she did that night at the Gunmen’s. He groaned, burying his head in his hands. 

“Fox?” Diana looked at him worriedly, part of her already knowing that her plan was failing. She could see it in his eyes. “We need to get going, I already booked the flights.” 

“It’s not her.” His voice was small, the email notification popping up on his screen from Frohike. He knew they would be able to work at a necessary speed. 

“We don’t know that.” 

“I do.” He said pointedly, looking up at her, meeting her eyes. “I had some people look into it before we bothered to make the trip.” 

“Because you didn’t trust me.” She feigned hurt by his implications, but it didn’t faze him. 

“You knew it wasn’t her, didn’t you?” He accused, the fire burning in his eyes again. 

“It doesn’t mean we shouldn’t investigate. It could be another link to her, Fox.” She was desperate, playing on every ounce of his faith that she could. Things were different, changed, since Scully came back in the picture. 

“You can investigate, I’m not going to waste my time.” He stood with finality, yanking his jacket off the back of his chair forcefully. 

“It’s like you don’t care anymore, about the work, about the x-files. We started this together, Fox. You can’t just walk away from what we’ve done.” She attempted, figuring if anything, the guilt would cripple him enough to stay with her. 

“You walked away from this first, Diana. You left, taking whatever chance you could to move your way up the ladder, clear across the world.” The sudden outburst caused them both to step back, they had never addressed what tore them apart. It was still fresh, the lack of conversation, the lack of closure. He was hurt, when she left. She chose the work over him, and he was crushed. His eyes widened, now understanding more than ever how Scully felt. He was doing the same thing to her, to their son. 

Diana had unlocked his initial passion and fueled his beliefs of extraterrestrial life. She dangled these files in front of him, feeding off his energy. That was until his ambition for finding the truth carried over into their personal life, leaving his mind on the work, day and night. Whenever she tried to bring up the concept of family, he dismissed her, saying he was trying to find his family. He was never able to disconnect himself, never able to see that he could have his own family. He told her that he felt like that would be giving up on Samantha, like he just brushed her aside for his own happiness. Scully had every reason to doubt him, his depression and mindset had only been worse, being locked down in the basement by himself. 

That was before she came into his life. Everything changed that night, in his motel room. She pushed her pride aside, asking for someone’s help, which was still not easy for her to this day. He poured his soul out to her, told her everything about Samantha and what he believed. She understood about his work, and in a way, that’s what tethered their souls together. It was the first time he really saw her, past her skepticism and his initial hunch of her being a spy sent in to shut him down. She was able to keep up with his theories, as absurd as she thought they were. She believed in him. 

“You know, don’t you?” She asked in a hushed voice, bringing him back to his surroundings. “You know about the boy.” The anger flickered in his eyes. 

“It seems everyone knew except for me.” He scoffed, not sure where to direct his anger. 

“I didn’t feel it was my place to say anything.” She stepped towards him cautiously, placing a comforting hand on his chest. He grabbed her wrist before she made contact with him. 

“Diana, please don’t.” 

“So what happens now? You’re just going to run off and be a family man? You’ve never wanted that, you told me yourself.” 

It was true. One night as they lay tangled in bed, she approached the topic of children, and he shut her down, no room for argument. He couldn’t even fathom bringing a child into this world, into his world. That changed at some point, before Scully asked him to help her conceive. She asked him to take his time, but he already had his answer. If he could give her this, he would be a part of her forever. They could create her miracle. 

“I didn’t think it’s something I wanted, I never imagined it...until -” 

“Until it was with her.” The sigh of defeat that escaped Diana’s lips caused him to finally face the truth. This is what he wanted, and he was an idiot to let her walk away again. 

“I’m sorry, Diana.” He left without another word between them, no more needed to be said. He wouldn’t be surprised to see a resignation letter on the desk by next week.

* * *

Scully sat in her car for a long few moments, hoping her eyes were no longer red and swollen from the many tears she shed. That, mixed with exhaustion, and she was reaching the point of a breakdown. She took a few deep breaths, composing herself before she had to face Josh. He had offered to stay with the baby, and she was grateful, but she just wanted to be alone right now. Just her, and her son. 

“Hey, how’d everything go?” He greeted as soon as she was through the door. She gave him a weak smile, the slump of her shoulders and weariness in her facial expressions telling a different story. 

“They’re bringing in the suspect shortly, once they confirm it’s him, it’s basically just paperwork.” She shrugged, hanging her coat. There was no easy way to ask him to leave. Initially, it was because Mulder would be there to spend the day with them, now it was just because she didn’t want the company. “How’s he doing?” 

“He was fussy a little earlier, but I gave him some more medicine. His fever hasn’t gone up, and he’s just been sleeping mostly.” She nodded, placing a hand on the baby’s head and stomach. He looked so peaceful in his bassinet, unbothered by anything. “What’s wrong?” 

She exhaled deeply, not wanting to have this conversation with Josh. He wouldn’t understand. Everything with him was very black and white, and Mulder lived in a grey area with the little grey men. There was an ‘I told you so’ coming to her, and she just didn’t want to hear it right now. A small part of her was still holding out hope that Mulder would be knocking on her door any minute. 

“It’s just been a long day.” 

“Why don’t you rest? I can make some lunch, and then we can just lounge here for the day.” He looked so hopeful, like he was doing the right thing. He wasn’t. 

“I’m actually not up for much company right now.” She said slowly, not yet meeting his eyes. 

“Oh.” 

“I’m sorry. It’s just - “ She paused, the guilty sigh escaping her lips. “It’s just been a long day.” 

“So you’ve said.” 

“Josh -” 

“It’s okay, really.” He halted her apology, being tender as he held her close to him. She heard the pain in his responses, but he would never let her feel bad about it. “Just call me later?” 

“Of course.” 

He left her alone with the deafening silence of her apartment. The only sounds emitting around her were the soft, deep breaths of the baby sleeping, and her thoughts. She plopped down onto the couch, throwing her head back on the cushions. Her argument with Mulder was so fresh in her mind. 

She could never expect him to walk away from finding Samantha, she would never. It had become just as important to her, but things had changed. This was what she feared. When she found out she was pregnant, she was elated - that was her first emotion. Then the apprehensions settled in. She had just walked away from him, and he didn’t come after her. It was a week after she left, when she found out. The urge to call him was strong. She wanted to tell him that they had created their miracle after all. Another thought came flooding through her mind. When she had asked him to be the sperm donor for her child through IVF, he agreed to just that. There was never more discussion about what his involvement would be, they didn’t have the chance. Would he want to be involved, now that Diana was back? He was so excited about their findings, she couldn’t take that joy away from him. He would resent her, eventually, resent their son for pulling him away from his life’s work. 

Gathering the baby monitor, she slipped into her bathroom and began to run a bath. It was her go to when she needed to escape the insanity that was her life. The scent of the bubbles wafted over her, the warm lavender calming her senses and her mind. Everything had become a mess, mostly her own doing. She sunk down into the tub with the heaviness of her guilt weighing down on her. 

After she felt relaxed enough to take on the rest of the day, she began cleaning around the apartment, keeping her mind busy. She wore a pair of sweats, and an old t-shirt that she stole from Mulder a few years ago. It was her favorite thing, and she refused to give it back. The baby played happily on the floor as she hummed and cleaned around him. He still felt warm, but seemed to be in better spirits. 

The knock at her door startled her, hoping it wasn’t Josh coming back when she specifically implied that she wanted to be alone. It wouldn’t be her mother, she was out of town visiting with Charlie and his family. Brow furrowed, she quietly made her way to the door to peer out the peep hole. She felt paranoid, tiptoeing towards the door so that she didn’t make a sound. She had clearly been around Mulder too long. 

Her breath hitched when she saw who it was. Why was he here, what did he want? She knew what he wanted, glancing back at the baby. Her heart began to beat rapidly, suddenly feeling like she couldn’t even breathe. A shaky hand opened the door, preparing for this. 

“I’m sorry.” It was said with the exhale of the breath he was clearly holding in. She just stared at him, seeing the apology in his eyes. When she finally allowed herself to breathe, she simply stepped aside to let him in. If he was here, there was a reason. “I shouldn’t have just left like that. I was an idiot.” 

She raised her brows, a slight tilt of her head, a shrug of the shoulders, almost as if asking if she was supposed to object to that. They just stood there, her silence making him uneasy. God, she couldn’t even stand to be in the same room with him. He had messed this up monumentally more than he originally thought. 

“Why are you here?” Her voice was small, but he still jumped at the sudden sound. 

“We had plans.” 

“And if I remember correctly, those were cancelled.” She clipped back, the annoyance of their earlier conversation rushing through her mind. Her arms were crossed now, eyebrow raised, pursed lips. He knew a pissed off Scully stance better than anyone, usually on the receiving end of them.

“I know, and they shouldn’t have been.” He hung his head, eyes diverting towards the baby. He could feel her glare burning into him, and he didn’t know if he could handle the pain he put there.

The baby began to fuss, Scully scoffing as she pushed past him to pick him up. She didn’t know what to say, didn’t know how to act towards him after their fight. He revealed what she always knew, always feared. There was a deep, haunted look in his eyes that broke her heart, but that didn’t change what he told her. “Is he still not feeling well?” 

“No, he’s been doing better, but he hasn’t seemed to break his fever yet.” 

“Is there anything I can do?” He looked desperate, still standing by the entrance of her apartment, afraid to move. She let out a heavy sigh, she couldn’t keep him from this if he did want to actually be here. He wouldn’t be standing in her living room if it wasn’t important to him. There was a strong hesitation that the minute she allowed him into their family life, he’d go running off and they’d have to worry about his whereabouts. Or maybe he’d get himself admitted to another hospital, chasing another lead in the dark shadows. She shook her head, sitting on the couch and holding the baby close to her chest. 

“Sit down, Mulder. You’re making me anxious just standing there.” He cautiously took a seat, not on the same couch as her. He didn’t know how welcome his presence would even be, but he was relieved she didn’t slam the door in his face. 

“Scully…”

“I don’t know what you want me to say.” 

“I messed up.” He nervously ran his hand through his hair. He had a lot of time to think, before coming here. He figured there was only one shot to not completely mess this up. 

“You made a choice.” She challenged, standing with the baby still in her arms, the exhaustion so clearly written in her eyes. He watched as she walked gracefully to the kitchen, effortlessly holding the baby in one arm and retrieving a bottle with the other. When she came back, she positioned herself on the far end of the couch, back against the arm to face him more clearly. William had turned to see the stranger sitting there, watching them. Though he was still young, his eyes were definitely the color blue of Scully’s, there was no denying it. They were so bright, curious of the world around him, curious of the man sitting before them. He needed to choose his words carefully. 

“I don’t have much experience with this, and I’ve only ever lived my life one way. I always thought that finding Samantha was the most important thing to me, but I realized that over the years, my quest changed. I started following the same dark leads into the shadows, chasing the same men that I believe took her, but it was to find answers for you. I wanted so desperately to punish them for making you suffer as much as you have, and give you back some of what you lost. When you asked me to help you, with the IVF, there was no way I could refuse.” He let out a heavy sigh, chancing to meet her gaze. Her eyes had softened, but he could still read the apprehensions on her face. 

“We never talked about what would happen, if it had worked then.” Her voice so small, another conversation that they let dissolve into the ambiguous air that often followed them around like a storm cloud. 

“I know, and we should have.” He admitted. “I didn’t know how much you were willing to let me have, and I had never wanted children...until you asked me. It became this unattainable hope, and I felt your devastation just as strongly when it didn’t take.” 

“I thought you just did that for me, a weighted favor that you felt obligated to fulfill.” 

“I did it for us.” He shook his head, they really needed to talk more. 

“Mulder…” 

“I don’t want to be like my father.” He blurted out. His eyes focused on the child in her arms, a determined look on his face. She knew that look well, it was the same one that he reserved for when he made decisions and set his mind to something. She wanted to object, tell him that he was nothing like his father, but she understood by the look in his eyes that he meant more than what was on the surface. She waited. “He chose his work, over his family. He let those men take Samantha, sacrificed his own child for the business he was in. I don’t want that.” 

Her breath hitched, this was impacting him so much deeper than she even realized. She had condemned him, before she even gave him a chance. The doubt in his mind was completely her doing. She felt like she couldn’t breathe, choking back the sob in her throat. When she met his eyes, they were wet, like her own. It wasn’t fair to expect him to just fall into this, to make a decision and change his life in a moment’s notice. She had 9 months to contemplate how things were going to change, 9 months to have her mind waver back and forth on if this is what she even really wanted without him there. Several dark thoughts made an appearance during those months, and just like that, they were replaced with the images of a child, their child. 

She had imagined a rambunctious little girl, with curly red hair, and her father’s hazel, green eyes. Other times, it was images of a shy boy with her bright blue eyes, and his father’s mop of hair atop his head. William was perfect to her in every way. The minute they laid him on her chest, she knew that he had his father’s wonderment for the world around him. 

“Sometimes, I wish my mom had your strength, to walk away.” His voice was only a whisper, almost afraid of his own words. “Maybe the distance could have protected us, saved Samantha.” 

There was a fearful understanding of what he was saying, questioning his presence here and if it brought any danger to them. She had contemplated that many times, as calm as their life had become, she would have rather had the chaos that Mulder brought. Not in the x-files sense, but the excitement and ease he brought about with his humor. 

“I know you have your reservations, because of what happened with your family, but I know that we can be different. I want to be together on this, I want you to be around to help raise our son, and I should have never taken that opportunity away from you.” 

“I’m here now.” He met her eyes, desperately needing her to understand that he truly meant it. 

“I believe that.” She gave him a small smile, which he returned. They had a lot to work through, but this was a start. Him being here, instead of on a plane to Washington, was the most positive start they could have. 

She realized her state of dress, the sudden blush appearing on her cheeks. It was only Mulder, and he had seen her in far worse conditions, but in a way, they were starting over together. She stood, handing him the baby to hold while she excused herself to get dressed. He had that panicked look on his face again, and she had to stifle a laugh. These small, subtle pushes were necessary for him to get acquainted with everything. His mock glare at her indicated that he suspected her amusement. 

“He won’t break, Mulder. Just keep him entertained while I shower and change.” She said casually, his eyes popped up again. Shower? She was leaving him alone, unsupervised with a child for longer than he anticipated. This time, the chuckle escaped her lips before she could catch it. 

“You’re enjoying this too much.” 

“Absolutely.” She snickered. “If you’re feeling really brave, he’ll probably need a diaper change soon.” She turned to mask the smirk on her face before he could see it. He was right, she was enjoying this. 

Her shower was quick, the nerves still so fresh, fluttering in her stomach. When she made her way back to the living room, she could see Mulder sitting on the floor, William propped between his legs as he played with toys in front of him. This was something she’d only dare experience in her dreams. There was always a voice in the back of her head that told her Mulder would be a wonderful father, teaching their child to take chances, and not take everything so seriously. They balanced each other, they always had. 

Images of him reacting so quickly to Emily, filling that role when she didn’t ask him, reappeared in her mind. The silly faces he made to establish a trust, the way he jumped into action the minute she fell victim to her disease once again. He never questioned what she was silently asking, helping when he knew she needed him. She leaned against the wall, still hiding from his line of sight. 

“How about this guy?” Mulder asked, pulling a stuffed bear into their laps. The baby played with it for a moment, before getting fussy and knocking it away. He began to wiggle, a small cry threatening to escape. “No, I guess not.” 

“He probably needs to be changed.” Scully mumbled, finally letting her presence be known. 

“Right, I can do that.” He nodded confidently, causing her eyebrows to raise. “Maybe.” He conceded. 

“Here, let me help you. He doesn’t like to sit still for this, sometimes it takes two to get this to work.” She sighed, instructing Mulder to lay William on the blanket in front of him. He did so gently, watching as the baby’s legs kicked wildly. “Talk to him.” 

So he did, his monotonous voice catching William’s attention. He was positioned at his head, the baby looking at him upside down, soothed by his voice. Scully smiled, the diaper change quicker than most as he was completely enamored by this man. She understood the feeling. 

“I think he likes your voice, you seem to relax him.” 

“Oh great, another person I can lull to boredom.” She chuckled, finishing wrapping up the dirty diaper and handing it to Mulder. He gave her a puzzled look. 

“This is where your part comes in, you get to take it outside.” He took it, scrunching his face at the smell. He made an exaggerated gagging motion, causing her to laugh. The ease between them was pleasantly warming, there was still more to discuss, but she had hope that they would make it through this, too. 

“So, um, I didn’t know how welcome I’d be, but I can go out and pick up some food? I didn’t want to be too presumptuous before coming over here.” He said carefully, drying his hands with a kitchen towel after washing his hands. It was the first time he glanced around her apartment, looking for clues that someone else lived here. There were none, and he let out a relieved breath. It still didn’t stop him from wondering if they would have another person join in on their day. 

“Sure, that sounds good. I was so busy cleaning earlier, I skipped lunch.” 

“Alright, should I - uh, will it just be us eating?” He was trying, though the jealousy was still there, right on the surface. Her brow furrowed with his question, relaxing as she understood the implied inquiry. 

“It’s just us.” He nodded, taking her order and making his way from her apartment.

* * *

When Mulder returned, Scully was sitting at her desk in an intense phone conversation. She was nodding in affirmation, jotting down notes on a piece of scrap paper. He was able to pick up enough to know that she was being called in to some kind of work, but it couldn’t have had anything to do with the case they just wrapped up. He would have received a call as well. 

“Everything okay?” He asked, coming into the living room with food separated onto their own plates. 

“Yeah, I just have to do an autopsy. I told them the earliest I could be there was tomorrow morning, I’m still exhausted from today.” He understood, they had an early wake up call, followed by emotions neither were ready to face. 

“Is your mom going to watch the baby?” Her eyes widened, blush creeping to her cheeks. She was going to ask Josh, since her mother was out of town. It didn’t even cross her mind to ask him, the fact that he was actually here was still an adjustment. There were definitely apprehensions, given that she’s not sure he’s ever had to take care of a baby. He would have to learn sometime.

“She’s out of town visiting Charlie…” She began slowly, a slight shake of her head, not believing her next words. “Would you, uh, be able to watch him for a bit? I don’t want to bother you if you have plans.” His eyes widened, nervousness kicking in. This was his chance to prove to her that he could do this, that she wouldn’t regret letting him into their lives. He was his son, too. 

“Yeah, okay, sure.” He stammered, attempting to mask the panic on his face. She always knew the look, he could tell she did now by the small grin on her face. 

“It’ll probably be easier if you just come here in the morning, that way I don’t have to pack a bag for him.” He nodded as she began rambling on more instructions. Should he be taking notes? He could almost count on her making her own list for him before tomorrow. 

There was an awkward moment when he left that evening, both of them standing in her doorway. Now that they had an establishment, they simply missed each other’s company. He shoved his hands in his pockets, not wanting to appear too eager to hug her. It was the only thing he wanted to do, touch her in some way to feel that this was all real. She could read the hesitation in his eyes, taking the step for him and initiating the hug. 

Her head buried into the crook of his neck, resting on his chest. It took only a half a second for him to relax and wrap his arms around her tiny frame. He missed her scent, the feel of her in his arms. They definitely did not allow themselves this luxury as much as they should have before everything changed. His hands stroked soothing circles on her back, pulling her closer to him. She pulled back gently, glancing up and meeting his eyes. He smiled at her, and she felt the sudden relief wash over her. He was really here. 

He kissed her forehead tenderly, leaving without another word. 

The next morning, Mulder arrived early, coffee in tow. She gratefully accepted, still running around in her morning routine. He plopped himself on the couch, the baby playing on the floor happily. He watched as Scully buzzed around, buttoning her top as she collected William’s bottles from the sink. 

“I shouldn’t be long, but I laid out a list of things for you, if you need them.” She said quickly, running back into her room for her shoes. 

“We’ll be fine, probably catch a few games on tv, maybe a long nap. Guy stuff.” She rolled her eyes, a ghost of a smirk on her lips. 

“I already made the bottles for today, he eats every 4 to 5 hours.” 

“Got it.” 

“Hopefully I’m only going in for the autopsy, so I should be back by lunch time. I’ll call before I’m heading home.” She flashed him a timid smile, fidgeting with the straps of her purse in her hands. They could do this. 

As the door closed behind her, Mulder took the time to really get to know his son. The finer details of his features being burned into his memory, he never wanted this sense of pride to go away. William kicked and bounced wildly on the floor, the happiest baby he’s ever seen. He laid a warm hand on his small stomach, causing those Scully, blue eyes to turn their attention towards him. They were big and full of questions. He vowed to never bring disappointment to his son. 

Scully had already called twice since she left, just wanting to check in. He understood her apprehensions, but he wanted to prove that he could do this. On the third call, he rolled his eyes, gathering the phone and answering without any pretext of a conversation. 

“Do they teach you how to hold a scalpel and talk on the phone in med school, too?” He teased lightly, flipping through the channels on her tv. William was fast asleep in the bassinet, working on his first nap of the day. The silence made his brow furrow. “Hello, Scully?” 

“Uh, no. I was looking for Dana, actually.” An unfamiliar male voice rang in his ears. Josh, he suspected.

“Oh, sorry. She, uh, got called in for a case this morning. You should be able to reach her on her cell.” He hoped his voice remained calm, he was really trying to convey a neutral essence through his gritted teeth. There was no rhyme or reason for him to be jealous, but it didn’t stop the conflicting thoughts to surface. Scully said that they needed to get along. 

“Yeah, thanks.” Josh’s voice trailed off, but Mulder could tell there was more. “Who is this?” 

“Fox Mulder.” Firm, authoritative, a tad bit territorial. 

“I see…” There was a tense tone to his voice now, no doubt the most uncomfortable conversation that neither of them wanted to be having. ‘This is for Scully - this is for Dana,’ the mantra ringing through both of their minds. “And you’re...watching William?” 

“Yes.” 

“I’ll try to reach her on her cell.” He disconnected the call, leaving no room for conversation. Mulder took a few deep breaths, hoping that his presence would eventually fade Josh out of the picture. He was here now, there was no need for an additional person in their lives. Another thought occurring in his mind, he was the additional person. She had a life before he came barrelling in again. He was a stranger in his son’s eyes.

* * *

Scully’s day was already dragging. She was waiting for the toxicology reports on the latest victim, glancing around the familiar settings of a hospital. Sometimes she missed the rush of the hospital setting, it was a different buzz than chasing down perps in the FBI. She was pacing around, coming across a surgical board. Her breath caught in her throat, a familiar name staring back at her. 

“Ex - excuse me.” She turned back to the nurses station, an annoyed response from the nurse behind the counter. 

“I’m still waiting for the results, Dr. Scully.” 

“I know, I know.” She relented. “I was wondering, the D. Waterston booked for OR 3, is that -” She paused, this couldn’t be happening. “Is that a Daniel Waterston.” 

The nurse looked at her skeptically before sifting through a few stacks of files. She picked up an x-ray, nodding her head in a silent confirmation before her words agreed. 

Scully’s heart began to race, this wasn’t happening. She had enough reflection to do in her life, this would only complicate everything. Her past coming to open her eyes, reexamine everything that her life had become. Images of Mulder and Josh flashed through her mind - William, cuddled into her chest when he fell asleep after a feeding. Suddenly, her feet were moving towards room 306. 

She stood in the open door, unable to breathe at the sight of him. He looked so tired, even in his sleep. Their parting was anything but amicable, leaving a path of destruction, though that’s what she tried to avoid. Then she was there, standing beside him. His features were finer with age, though she could see the troubles etched into the deep lines. 

“What are you doing here?” A voice startled her, turning around to see Maggie, his daughter. 

“I’m sorry, I -” 

“How the hell did you even know he was here? Did he call you?”

“No, Maggie. I haven’t spoken to him since I left. I happened to be here for work.” She diverted her eyes quickly, feeling the scrutiny of her gaze burning into her. 

“I think you should leave.” Her voice was stern, attempting to mask the pain surfacing so evident in her eyes. 

“Don’t I get a say?” A deep voice grumbled from behind her. She froze, turning slowly to face him for the first time in nearly 10 years. This man, that had consumed her mind and body, had promised her a life. A different life than the one she currently led. It was filled with fantastical promises, and naive wishes. The reality that he was still married was what made her really consider what she was doing. She was destroying a family, something she could not even fathom. 

“Daniel…” Her voice was just a whisper, meeting his confident eyes. Maggie huffed, leaving the room in a silent protest. 

“Didn’t know it would take me knocking on death’s door for you to grace me with your presence again.” She huffed a small chuckle, unbelieving that this was happening right now. She slowly made her way to the other side of his bed, taking the chair beside him. He grasped onto her hand in an instant, the familiar sensation sending a shiver through her body. How she missed this kind of passion that he emitted simply by the way he touched her. So confident, never questioning if she wanted it. 

“Is that why you’re here, in Washington? To remind me once again what a bad choice I made? It’s rather low of you to use a heart condition as a mask for your ulterior motives.” 

“I wish I were that clever.” He held her hand, caressing it as if he were pulling her back into his soul. She was the one thing willing him to live, her touch curing his sad eyes. “My reasons are far more selfish.” 

“You scare me, Daniel.” Her voice was low and cautious, not wanting to go down that road again.

“I scare you…” He nodded, knowing the truth in her words. “Because I represent that which is ingrained, not only in your mind, but in your heart. What you secretly long for.” She furrowed her brow at him, he couldn’t possibly understand. 

“You understood why I left, even if you thought it was an excuse.” The tired argument escaping her lips. 

“I can’t believe the FBI is a passion. Not like medicine.” The words struck her core, the past 7 years of her life flashing through her mind like snapshots. 

There were images of her and Mulder, running through countless locations, guns drawn. Scenes of her or Mulder being attacked in some way, the scars on her body reminders of their excursions. But that’s not what drove her passion for the cause. It was the look in Mulder’s eyes when he thought they were one step closer to the truth, knowing she would be right by his side when they finally uncovered the conspiracy. It was the smile he gave her when she was able to follow his mind’s thought, knowing they had become one, more than a team. 

Her passion came from the way their cases tested medicine, challenged everything she thought she knew and relied on. It came from the way she felt when the answer didn’t come from a simple test ran in a lab, but from the belief in out of this realm explanations. Her passion came from her belief in Mulder. 

“I’m sorry I came. I just wanted to make sure you were okay.” She stood to leave, his tender hand stopping her as he caressed her face. 

“You wouldn’t have walked through that door if you didn’t want to.” His words halting her once more. She hated when he did that, always assuming he knew her better than herself. He thrived off that authority, constantly holding it over her as if she were a child. 

The chime of her cell phone caused her to jump, giving him a parting smile as she left without another word. His eyes watched her leave regretfully, hoping she would come back. Stepping into the hall and answering the phone was a reality check she wasn’t sure she wanted to face. 

“Hello?” 

“Dana, it’s Josh.” His voice sounded urgent, immediately bringing her back to her surroundings. She felt the twinge of guilt twisting in her stomach, she hadn’t spoken to him since she practically kicked him out the day before. 

“Hey, sorry I haven’t called you back, it’s been hectic.” She sighed, seeing the nurse waving an envelope in the air with an impatient look on her face. 

“Yeah, I gathered. I - uh, I called your home phone first.” Her attention was now on the results in her hand, reading over the toxicology findings. 

“Mhm.” 

“You didn’t tell me that he was there.” 

“What?” The question startled her, thinking of Daniel, realizing suddenly he was talking about Mulder. She winced at her own carelessness. How had everything become so complicated? “I’m sorry, it happened so fast. He came over last night, and we were able to talk. I received the call about an autopsy for today, and it just seemed easiest if he watched the baby while I worked.” 

“Right.” His short, clipped answers were something she was not used to. He was always so tender and caring with her. Jealously really was an ugly monster. “I could have helped.” 

“I know, but he was there. I think it’ll be good for him to spend time with William as well.” Gaining confidence in her voice, she felt as if she didn’t need to explain herself to him. This was her life, her decision, her mess to clean up. 

“I agree, I just wish you would have told me.” 

“I’m sorry. I have to finish my reports though, I’ll call you later?” 

“Sure.” He didn’t believe her empty promises, and she knew there was a discussion they were avoiding. One that had a finality to it that neither were willing to face at the moment. 

After talking to both Josh and Daniel, there was only one person that she wanted to talk to now. Picking up her phone as she made her way back to the temporary office, she pressed the speed dial button staring back at her. 

“Scully residence.” His voice warmed her instantly, calming her senses in a way that only he was able to. 

“Hey, it’s me.” 

“I was expecting your call about 30 minutes ago, you left me alone too long unsupervised, Scully.” He teased, her cheeks reddening at her parental paranoia. 

“There’s been a lot happening today, sorry.” Her mind was elsewhere, he could sense it, sensing her emotions even after their time apart. 

“What’s going on?” She let out a heavy sigh, this wasn’t a conversation to have over the phone. 

“I’m not sure yet, but I was actually wondering if you’d be able to stay a little longer.” 

“Of course, I’m not going anywhere.” His voice had a confidence in it that melted her heart. He meant it in more ways than just a simple conversation. 

“Thank you. How is he?” 

“Well, he just woke up from an intense nap, so now it’s lunch time, and then maybe catch a game or two.” 

“Right, guy stuff.” 

“It’s sacred.” 

“As long as you’re not corrupting him too much.” She teased, a genuine smile coming to her face for the first time that day. 

“Nah, unless you’re out late. That’s when the Twilight Zone marathon starts.” She chuckled, enjoying his easy humor. She missed this, she missed him. 

“Oh, I’ll definitely make sure I’m home before then. I can probably pick up some dinner, I don’t plan on being out too late.” 

“Sounds good, I’ll talk to you the next time you question my babysitting skills.” 

“I’ll call you later.” 

She smiled, looking down at the phone in her hand. Daniel’s words echoed in her ears, challenging what she thought she knew. When she pictured where she would be at this point in her life, she imagined a promising career, a husband and maybe 2 kids. She saw them living in a ravishing house, both strong doctors in established fields. Of course, that was the Dana Scully 10 years ago, when Daniel was the man she saw herself waking up to. 

That was before alien abductions, and inoperable cancer. Before chasing dark souled men into even darker shadows. That was well before stolen ova, and children that she would never have. Before the child that was hers, taken before she had a chance to love her. The life she pictured had her sister alive, and less heartbreak. It also never had Mulder, or William, and that’s not something she would ever sacrifice. Her ideas about her life, and the world, had changed along with her experiences. 

She finished her reports, sending them back to the chief agent who requested her assistance. Her feet felt heavy as she made her way back to Daniel’s room, knowing the smug smile she would no doubt encounter at her reappearance. She should have bet on it, the familiar grin staring back at her with those clear, blue eyes. 

“I knew you’d be back. Come to wish me well on my surgery?” She nodded, knowing he would be taken in soon. “We should talk, about us.” That was Daniel, always blunt and to the point. A doctor’s persona carried with him in everything he did. 

“Daniel…” 

“There’s a lot you don’t know Dana. I - Everything went to hell after you left, I couldn’t save my marriage. Barbara and I lived in an uncomfortable silence before we just couldn’t handle it anymore. I tore my family apart, and I didn’t know how to accept a failure, so I left.” He admitted, his eyes glistening with unshed tears. 

“Where’d you go?” 

“Here, Washington.” She finally met his eyes, asking thousands of unspoken questions.

“When?” Her voice only a whisper. No, no, no...this wasn’t happening. 

“Almost 10 years ago.” 

“Daniel…” The disbelieving breath escaping her lips in a huff. “You didn’t move here for me?” 

“I didn’t mean for it to happen this way. I know, you have a life now.” She scoffed, shaking her head as the tears began to fall. How did this man always make her feel so vulnerable. 

“I don’t know what I have.” She admitted, her heart and her mind screaming at her, pulling her in different directions. The one thing she knew for sure, was that Daniel was a chance. This was meant to happen, her seeing him, finding that closure on a part of her life that she once thought would be her entire life itself. He was a message, an epiphany to see what she did have right in front of her. What she’s always had, but refused to accept. “You’ve come at such a strange time.” 

“What do you want, Dana?” That was the question that she put out in the universe since her chance meeting with Mulder only a few short days ago. She had it lingering on her mind long before that, if she admitted it to herself. Everytime she felt Josh’s lips on hers, she asked herself, ‘is this what I want?’ She always had the same outcome, an uncertain ‘maybe.’ 

“Maybe I want the life I didn’t choose.” She answered absentmindedly. A life filled with happiness, and children. She watched his eyes sparkle at the admission, her heart sinking. He wasn’t the one she had in her mind. The only thing she saw was the path she chose to take over a year ago, away from what she truly wanted. Away from what she feared to have. 

“Look at me.” He demanded softly. “I don’t know what’s going on in your life, and it’s selfish of me not to ask, but I’m going to get well. We need to talk about what happens next for us.” 

“I’m not the same person, Daniel. I wouldn’t have known that if I hadn’t seen you again.” Her eyes glanced up towards the ceiling, trying to control the tears. “I think you and I are where we are supposed to be in our lives. This is our chance to make amends for the time we’ve lost with the people we love.” 

“Dana…” He pleaded. “You’re part of that for me.” 

“No, I think you have this idea of me that you’re holding onto, but that’s not me anymore. You should take this second chance to spend time with Maggie, gain what you can again from that broken relationship. Children are the most important thing in someone’s life.” The tears spilled over, the goodbye harder than she ever imagined. 

“You have children now.” He straightened at the realization. He had never imagined her a mother, always a career doctor like himself. Their images of what lives they could have led together so vastly different. 

“I have a son, yes. He’s given me something I thought I would never have, and so much more.” Her voice was so soft, careful with her words. “Goodbye, Daniel.” 

He reached for her, but she turned quickly, not able to handle more. Maggie was waiting in the doorway, a silent thank you passing between them. Scully made her way to the car before the sobs wracked her body. 

Seeing Daniel again, it made her realize the destruction she had caused in her life. The choices she made, and how they impacted everyone around her. She did what she thought best at the time, now seeing for sure that perhaps it wasn’t what she truly wanted. William gave her a sense of security, and Josh made her feel safe in the sense that her life would have a normalcy to it. That wasn’t what she wanted, not since she’s tasted what else was out there. There had never been a man to consume her entire soul to the point where it was all she knew. The thought before had made her feel suffocated, to give herself to someone wholly in that way, but now it enthralled her. She craved it, needing it to survive. 

She had another stop to make before she was able to take a step down her new path. 


	4. Chapter 4

The drive to Josh’s apartment was filled with an uncomfortable silence. Her thoughts were too loud, and that’s the only sound she could hear. Every tear she had was already shed on the drive, or so she thought. It had been one exhausting day after the other ever since Mulder appeared again. No, that wasn’t fair to him, to blame him for something that he had only walked into himself. 

Her conversation with Daniel still echoing so loudly in her mind. What did she want, is this what her life was supposed to be? It was rather unconventional, but that’s how she lived the last few years. Longing after her partner, suppressing the needs that every normal, breathing human woman had. She admired her strength, she really did. 

When she met Josh, it was a breath of fresh air, but then she realized that she was suffocating, and forgot to exhale. He was what she thought she was supposed to have, along with a child. Perhaps later in life than she ever imagined, but it wasn’t even a possibility in her mind before. He cared about her, loved her more than she did him. There was never a doubt that she had learned to admire him and his normalcy, but there was a hidden fear that she was only settling. He was not passionate about life and did not ooze that same charm that consumed her soul the prior years. There was a brief moment as she parked outside his apartment building that she realized he never stood a chance. She had been comparing him to Mulder for the entirety of their relationship. With a heavy sigh, she dropped her shoulders and exited the car. 

The loud knock of her own fist against his door only amplified her nerves. 

“Dana, hey, come on in.” He pulled her inside, welcoming her with a nervous smile. She hadn’t called. If she gave him a warning, he would have been prepared, possibly making dinner, offering her a glass of wine. This needed to be quick, like ripping off a band-aid. She owed him some honesty. “I’m glad you’re here.” He embraced her, her arms reaching around to gently return the hug. 

“I - uh, it’s been a long day.” She gave him a sympathetic smile. “I wanted to talk.” 

“We haven’t been able to do much of that lately.” He led her to the couch, and she hesitated to sit. The realization of what was happening flashed so evidently in his eyes. “Dana…” 

“I know things happened quickly, and I haven’t been fair to you. I wasn’t expecting for all of this to hit my life, and I don’t know what’s going to happen.” She let out a heavy sigh, fiddling with something in her hands. “But what I do know is -” 

“Is that you feel you’re with the wrong person.” He finished for her. She wasn’t going to put it in those words necessarily, but the tears in her eyes told him that he was right. He stood to face her, now afraid to get too close. “I think I’ve known, I just didn’t want to see it.” 

Damn him, for making this so much harder than it already was. She should have known he would accept this, tenderly, gentle. It was in his nature. Quite the contrast from the yelling match her and Mulder found themselves in when she tried to leave. There was a deep fear that he would hate her, regret their time together, feeling that it was wasted. She didn’t want that. 

“Josh, I’m so sorry.” She hiccupped back a sob. Knowing she was making the right choice didn’t cause any less pain. 

“When you look at the baby, there’s this sparkle in your eyes, like he holds every answer you’ve ever sought in life. It’s filled with this unconditional love and I had hoped that one day you would look at me like that.” He said in a small voice. The tears began to flow freely now. “The only other person that made that look appear was him.” 

She furrowed her brows at him, meeting his gaze with her wet eyes. No, there was no way it was that evident. She couldn’t comprehend what Josh was saying, he couldn’t have noticed that because she wasn’t sure how she felt herself. Well, she knew, but she wasn’t ready to admit to it. She was so taken back by his observation that she almost forgot what she came here to do.

“I don’t know what’s going to happen.” She admitted again, looking down at the key in her hand. “I came here to give this back to you.” He held out his hand, the final act of their separation. With a simple nod, he retrieved his key ring and handed hers back as well. They never had any of their personal belongings at the other apartment, so this was the only thing to return. Well, that and a silent apology. 

“I’ll miss you.” She smiled, reaching out to squeeze his hand gently before leaving without another word. Nothing more needed to be said, at least not to him. 

She drove aimlessly for a while, before stopping to pick up food for her and Mulder. She hadn’t called to let him know that she would be later than she thought, but he also hadn’t called to ask her whereabouts, so she figured that was a somewhat good sign.

When she pulled up to her apartment building, she could see the dim light illuminating from her living room. There was an overwhelming sense of warmth that spread through her, knowing she was coming home to her son, and Mulder. He would have a little catching up to do, but she was fully prepared to fill him in on her life-changing conversations of the day. He probably wouldn’t believe her at first, but now they had time to figure things out. She was choosing the other path, the one she should have given a chance in the first place. 

She looked around the apartment, it was awfully quiet, the only sound was the low, indistinct hum of the tv. He wasn’t visible at first, a wide smile spreading on her face at the clearer sight before her. Mulder was lying on his back, William’s flat against his own as he cuddled atop him. They both had their mouths open, Mulder’s left arm blocking his eyes, and his right hand placed firmly on the baby’s back. She could get used to this. It pulled at her heart that he could have had this all along, if he were given the chance. 

Mulder began to rouse, shifting slightly and remember the baby on his chest. His held him closer, careful not to move as he adjusted his body. His tired eyes finally met hers, seeing her standing there, watching them. He gave her a sheepish smile, sitting up so she could sit at the other end of the couch. 

“Hey, you’re finally done.” His voice was low and filled with slumber, his hair disheveled from their nap. She loved him like this. 

“Yeah, it’s been an interesting day.” Her voice was small, eyes not meeting his quite yet. 

“What’s going on?” 

“We’ll talk after we eat? I’d like to get comfortable.” She gestured towards the chinese food on the coffee table, standing and excusing herself to change. William remained snoozing comfortably in Mulder’s arms. 

“Sure.” He gave her a half smile. There was something on her mind, that much was apparent. He felt like he couldn’t decipher it anymore, like he didn’t know this version of Scully. He hated that feeling the most. “Uh, Scully?” 

“Yeah?” 

“Do babies always sweat this much?” He gently pulled William from his chest, an apparent damp outline etched into Mulder’s gray t-shirt. She chuckled, taking the baby from him as he began to wake. 

“I think you broke his fever.” She held the baby against her cheek, kissing the side of his head. He wasn’t warm anymore. “Was he fussy today?” 

“Nah, he slept most of it. I’m glad he’s feeling better.” He said genuinely. He began tugging at his shirt, trying to keep the dampness from his skin. 

“I’ll be right back.” She escaped to her room, laying the baby in his crib to change into jeans and a comfortable sweater. She changed the baby, too, choosing to forgo a bath until later. Reaching into one of her drawers, she pulled out another gray t-shirt of Mulder’s. It wasn’t her favorite one, and she could afford to give this one back. “Here, figured you could use this.” 

“How did you steal so many of my t-shirts, Scully?” He teased, a smirk touching his lips as he had the image of her the day before, drowning in one that was oversized for her tiny figure. He tugged his current shirt off, taking the time to put the clean one on as her eyes not so subtly raked over his torso. 

“There’s been too many cases to try to account for how I end up with your clothes, Mulder.” She mumbled, diverting her eyes towards the food. She began to separate it between them as he changed, offering him a generous portion. 

“You feeding me before sacrifice?” He nudged her arm, trying to relax her. He could tell that she was wound tight, not knowing what transpired during her day. The only thing he could sense was her nervousness, but there was a certain confidence in her eyes. 

“Sorry, I think I’m still a little distracted.” A smile flitted across her face, he took it as a small victory. She picked up William from his blanket on the floor, standing to retrieve a bottle from the kitchen. He knew this was her way of feeling in control of her life, when everything around her was spinning. He just wished he was still the person that knew her mind. 

“Do you want me to feed him so you can eat?” He offered, shoveling food into his mouth as he set down his plate. She waved him off, gesturing for him to continue. 

“I haven’t seen him all day, it’s my time.” She smiled at him teasingly, her gaze shifting to the baby in her arms. This was always her favorite part of the day. He took the opportunity to bask in the moment - this was his family now. The idea of a family was always an unattainable thought, mostly because he brushed the idea aside. Diana offered it to him, but he never felt that it was right. He realized now, that he never cared for Diana the way he did Scully. He was willing to give her everything, and more. A smile touched his lips as he watched the pure bliss on her face when she looked at William, he had given her the miracle she desired most. He was startled to see her staring back at him, realizing his mind had drifted off into a daze. He held her eyes, smiling at her, knowing that they were slowly fixing what happened between them. 

“So you going to tell me what’s on your mind?” He knew he was risking a lot just asking, especially given the fact that he was just lucky to be there. She let out a heavy sigh, nodding in confirmation, she’d have to tell him sometime. 

“While I was at the hospital, I ran into someone I’d never imagine seeing again.” She paused, meeting his eyes for a brief moment. “I don’t think I’ve ever told you about him, but it was a very serious relationship in my life, it affected me greatly.” She watched as he stiffened as soon as she said ‘him,’ knowing he was already jumping to the wrong conclusions. In order for this conversation to work, he had to know all of it. 

“And seeing him again, it’s affecting you as well?” His voice was calm, neutral, but she could read the panic behind his eyes. 

“Yes, but not in the same way. I think -” She took a deep breath, bringing William to her shoulder to burp. He watched as she took the moment to bury her face into his baby scent, knowing that whatever she was about to tell him was important. “He made me realize a lot of things that I’ve been avoiding, things that I thought were right, but were wrong all along.” 

He was being gentle and sympathetic to her unease of the conversation, but he needed more. She handed the baby to him, excusing herself to the bathroom. Her arms braced around the sink for support, she took several deep breaths. There was a lot of time to reflect, she was confident in coming home to tell him that she made the wrong decisions over a year ago. There was little doubt in her mind, but without any reassurance on where he stood and what he wanted, the nerves settled in the pit of her stomach. 

He had the baby on the changing table, humming along to some classic rock tune. She smiled at the sight. He looked so natural in his actions, clearly he had a lot of practice during the day. William began to wiggle, Mulder’s hand coming to lay firmly on his stomach to halt his movements. “Dude, work with me here. We talked about this earlier, I thought we had an understanding.” She chuckled, making her presence known, and finally relaxing for the first time all day. 

“I’d like to think that restlessness comes from the Mulder side.” He mocked glared at her, a silent ‘ha ha’ on his lips. 

“Yeah, well, he fell asleep as soon as Twilight Zone came on, and I’m still somewhat offended.” A genuine smile spread across her face, she was more sure than ever. 

She took the baby from him, holding him close as he snuggled into her chest. Mulder followed her direction as she sat back on the couch, taking the other end. There was a determination in her eyes, whatever had been going through her mind, she had made her decision, and it was final. He knew the look well. 

“I never thought I’d have this, it was always some unbelievable hope for me.” She began, glancing down at the baby and kissing his soft head. “When I found out I was pregnant, I honestly couldn’t believe the results. I think I denied it for a while, thought it was some cruel joke. With everything that happened before, it just wasn’t the right time.” He nodded, urging her to continue. He didn’t know when he should chime in, or if he should just stay quiet until she gave him that expectant look, the one that silently asked for him to answer her unspoken questions. 

“But then I was thrilled, that excitement overpowering all the loss and devastation when the IVF didn’t take. I had wanted it so badly then, things were good between us. But then everything fell apart, and you were still the only one I wanted to share my excitement with.” 

“I’m sorry, that I made you feel like you couldn’t come to me.” 

“I know, but our minds were in two completely different places, in opposite directions.” He just simply nodded, he couldn’t dispute her words. He was off chasing whatever piece of evidence Diana placed in front of him, having no reason to doubt her intentions. He had trusted the wrong person, and lost so much more than just time with his family. 

“I didn’t have the chance to get back in your direction.” 

“I know, and I’m sorry for taking that away from you. I couldn’t make you choose.” He shook his head, there was so much she didn’t know. 

While she was gone, every lead that Diana supposedly had, led them further away from his quest. He subconsciously knew what was happening, but his feeling of loss overpowered his better judgement. He fell into a slump without Scully to pull him out. There would have never been a choice, had she brought the situation to him. At least, that’s what he wanted to believe. 

“I don’t know what would have happened.” He reached across to place a gentle hand on her knee, squeezing it as he smiled at her. “But I’m glad I’m here now.” 

“Me, too.” She returned his smile, covering his hand with hers. 

“So is that what this is about?” 

“Somewhat, in a way.” She stood to lay the baby in the bassinet, watching him as he played with the toys that dangled from his mobile. “I once considered spending my whole life with this man.” She paused, feeling his eyes on her, his undivided attention on her movements as she ran her hand tenderly over the baby’s head. “What I would have missed.” 

“I don’t think you can know.” He said softly, encouraging her to continue. In depth conversations were a rarity with Scully, and he was being very careful with his words. It was as if any sudden movement would cause every wall to be built back up in an instant. The fact that he was even allowed in her apartment and sitting on her couch was a miracle all in itself. “I mean, how many different lives would we be leading if we made different choices.” 

She huffed a small laugh, she had asked herself that question all day. If her choices had been different 10 years ago, she wouldn’t be anywhere near where she is today. Or maybe she would, and other circumstances would have led her here to this point eventually. Would have led her to Mulder, and to William. She resumed her seat next to him on the couch, avoiding his eyes. 

“What if there was only one choice, and all the other ones were wrong? What if there are signs along the way to pay attention to?” Her voice was small, this wasn’t usually her line of theorizing. He was impossibly quiet, finally causing her to glance up and meet his eyes. There was confusion and worry, but mostly an intense thought process occurring in his mind. 

“Do you feel that you made the wrong choice?” 

She took her time to answer, her head hanging as she watched her hands resting in her lap. The simple answer was no, but it was so much more complicated than that. She knew what her heart always wanted, but she wouldn’t have ever faced that truth if it hadn’t been for her meeting with Daniel. Eventually, she might have made a different decision in regards to the direction of her life, but it would have caused a lot more heartache along the way. No, she didn’t make the wrong choice by leaving Daniel, making a career change that led her to working with Mulder. The choice she made a year ago was the one that haunted her the most, but she didn’t think they’d be here, having this conversation today if she had told him when she did. The fear of resentment was the driving force of her mind. 

“No, I don’t.” 

“You never know how that works. One wrong turn, and we wouldn’t be sitting here together right now. I think that says a lot.” 

“It does.” She finally caught his gaze, a smile touching her lips. There was still an uncertainty and confusion in his eyes, not knowing the true underlying meaning for this entire conversation. She took a deep breath. “I ended things with Josh today.” 

“Oh.” He perked up slightly. “I’m sorry.” 

“I think it’s been coming for awhile, I just didn’t want to face it. But that wasn’t fair to either of us.” 

“Was that you...making a choice?” He asked carefully. She knew he caught on now, asking if she was choosing him. In a way, she was, but there was a lot of work to do. It wasn’t going to be that simple. 

“Yes, but I don’t know what’s to happen now.” 

He nodded, understanding what she was saying. They both needed time to heal from the pain caused between them in the past year, and they needed to move towards whatever this was gradually. He didn’t expect her to just jump in his arms, he felt like a lucky bastard to even be here. If he hadn’t needed to get away from Diana and the office, he would have never ran into Maggie that afternoon. If his choice hadn’t brought him so down, he wouldn’t be able to move back up, with his family. 

“That’s what makes things interesting, don’t you think.” He wagged his eyebrows at her jokingly, attempting to ease the mood. He knew he succeeded when he heard her chuckle, shaking her head at him. “But, um, I really do want this to work, I want to be around.” 

“Of course. That’s - I want that, too.” 

They sat in a comfortable silence for several hours, mindlessly watching tv as the baby slowly fell asleep. He glanced over to see that Scully had followed suit, knowing how exhausting the day must have been for her. He reached over and gently tucked the errant strands of hair behind her ear, letting his fingers graze her chin. He had missed her, desperately. And now he missed the son he didn’t even know he had, the lost time that he had to make up for. He covered her with a blanket, placing a gentle kiss on her temple, and doing the same for William before silently slipping out the front door.

* * *

Scully woke early the next morning to an incessant knocking noise. Disoriented, she glanced at the clock through half open eyes, rubbing her hand over her neck at the soreness of sleeping on the couch. It took a moment for her mind to clear the fogginess before she realized someone was still knocking on her door. The baby began to stir at the sound, checking on him before answering. 

“Mulder, it’s early, you forget how to use a key?” He smiled at her disheveled appearance and the slight frown on her sleepy face. 

“I didn’t want to startle you.” He explained simply enough. Truth was, he was still wary around her, even after her confessions of the prior evening. “I figured I’d bring you coffee, since you probably didn’t set your alarm. You fell asleep on the couch, and I wanted to make sure you made it to work in time.” 

“Since when have you ever been one for punctuality?” Her eyebrow rose as she took the coffee from him graciously. The heavenly aroma warmed her soul as the cup warmed her hands. It was a short lived moment of bliss as the baby began to make small whimpering sounds. 

“I’ll get him, you go get dressed.” Her eyebrow rose even higher. She decided that this Mulder, the one who had the overwhelming need to prove that he could be here for them, was an intriguing creature. She was going to milk it for all she could. 

“I’m going to hop in the shower. I won’t be long.” 

Mulder busied himself changing the baby and retrieving a bottle from the kitchen. He had managed to work out different routines for himself the day before, finding different ways to balance William while he attended to other tasks with his free hand. He gave major props to Scully for making it look so effortless. William sucked hungrily on his morning bottle, clearly feeling better from his temporary bug he had the past few days. He was bouncier and wiggling around more than Mulder had experienced in the previous days. The key turning in the door made him freeze, before remembering that Maggie would be here to pick up the baby. 

“Oh, Fox, good morning.” She was clearly startled to see him sitting in her daughter’s living room, her gaze drifting towards the infant in his arms. The shocked look in her eyes was masked by an appraising glance as he held his son. He felt himself exhale. 

“Hi Mrs. Scully.” He greeted, smiling sheepishly at her. “Uh, Scully’s getting ready, so I thought I’d help with the morning stuff. I don’t know if you guys have a routine, or -” He was stammering he realized, stopping as she held a halting hand to him. 

“You’re doing just fine.” She assured him as she made cooing sounds at William. He tensed as soon as he heard the clearing of her throat. “So, how have you been?” 

“Uh, good. How about you?” He answered cautiously, preparing for more. By the surprise on her face when she walked through the door, he could conclude that Scully hadn’t managed to fill in her mother on any of the latest developments. 

“Oh, I’ve been just great. I just flew in last night from visiting with Charlie and his family.” She smiled warmly at him, watching as he set the empty bottle on the table in front of him and threw William over his shoulder. He had already taken off his suit jacket, and covered himself in a blanket, just in case. 

“Right, well, I’m glad you had a nice visit.” 

“And you...have been here all weekend?” She asked casually as she began to pick up scattered toys in the living room. He could tell she was trying to play nonchalant, but the curiosity was so evident in her eyes. He knew that look well, the same gleam that shone in her daughter’s eyes. 

“I’ve been helping. Scully, uh, was called in for a case this weekend, so I offered to hang around here. I -” His rambling was interrupted by a loud belch from William. He brought him forward to make sure to clean up any spit up. Maggie smiled at him, seeing how comfortable he fell into this role so quickly. 

“Oh, Mom, you’re here earlier than I was expecting you.” She greeted her mother, all prim and proper for her work day. She was reserved, even around Maggie and that caused questions to arise in his mind. Maybe they were moving too fast, he knew it took her a while to become acquainted with new ideas. 

“I thought I’d stop by and help with the morning, but Fox here has been managing just fine.” She gave him an appraising smile before making her way to the kitchen. Scully had that look on her face that told him she was confused in her surroundings. Navigating through this was going to take some time. 

“I - uh, he’s been changed and fed. I should be getting to work.” 

“Oh.” A slight frown appeared on her face. If she was hopeful, he would offer to stay for breakfast and coffee, but she knew he must be feeling out of his element, especially with her mother here. Truth was, she didn’t know how to act towards him, now that everything was out in the open. She knew they needed to talk more, but she also wanted to just let things happen. “I’ll probably see you around, I have to finalize some things at the bureau.” 

“Do you want to meet for lunch?” He had that boyish grin that she loved, too hard to refuse when he looked at her with his hopeful eyes. 

“Sure. I know where to find you.” She gave him a smirk as he handed the baby to her and left without another word. 

“So things are going well, then?” Maggie gave her daughter a good waiting period before pressing for information. There was a visible shift in their interactions, not to mention his ease when handling the baby. 

“He spent a lot of time with William over the weekend, I had to work all day.” She tried to dismiss it, but her mother knew her better. 

“And what about you two? Have you had a chance to spend some time together?” Her mother’s eyes had a gleam in them, the mischievous look ingrained into her mind. 

“We talked.” She let out a heavy sigh. “I don’t know what this is, we haven’t made any definite plans. I suppose there’s still more to talk about, but we are just going to see how things go.” 

“What about Josh?” Maggie had a strong feeling she knew the answer to that question already, and the guilty face of her daughter only confirmed that. 

“He and I are not together anymore.” 

“I just want what’s best for you, Dana.” There was no judgement in her statement, like Scully had been expecting. When she finally met her mother’s eyes, there was a deep understanding. She hadn’t seen her daughter this content since she found out about the baby. 

Scully simply nodded, a small smile reaching her lips as she began packing her things for the day, and heading to work. 

Mulder had been in a slump since he arrived to the office. He was almost hoping that Diana would have rendered her resignation over the weekend. Instead, he walked in to see her already working with a new file on her desk. He internally groaned, though by the way she looked up at him, it may have slipped from his lips as well. 

“Diana.” 

“Good morning, Fox.” She answered just as professionally as he said her name. The tension was high in the room. Lunch couldn’t come soon enough. “I have another case that’s been brought to my attention.” 

“Oh yeah? By who?” She glared at his accusatory tone, ignoring the implied question he was really asking. 

“There’s been a teenage girl who had disappeared, only to be returned to a hospital almost 100 miles from her home in Utah. They’ve had multiple tests run, but nothing seems abnormal.” Diana finished explaining stoically. 

“So then why are we investigating?” 

“Don’t you think it rather unusual that she disappeared and turned up in the hospital 3 days later, with no recollection of what happened to her?” She sounded exasperated, but he didn’t care to hear the tone in her voice. “I don’t know about you, but this constitutes as an x-file, and I’m planning to investigate whether you come with me or not.” 

“It’s also entirely possible that she ran away from home and is using this an excuse to not have to face the ramifications of her actions.” He let out a heavy sigh, he was being an ass, but he really didn’t want to work with her. He thought after he set everything straight, she wouldn’t even be here anymore. 

There was a deep fire burning in her eyes. He had dismissed almost every case that she brought him lately, taking the first opportunity to assist the VCS rather than work with her. She had warned the men she worked for that if she didn’t give him an actual x-file soon, that his trust in her would slowly diminish, and she knew she was right. Another idea popping into her head, she had one last chance to show them that she was capable of her task. It was a thin line that she was walking already. 

“Fine, you don’t trust me, then ask Agent Scully to examine the girl. Maybe then we can actually investigate this.” He looked up at her startled by her recommendation. There was no way she would willingly allow Scully to be around. Warning signs and bells were ringing. 

“No, we’ll investigate.” He let out a heavy sigh. He couldn’t lead Scully into danger, he could protect her this way. There was a smug smile on Diana’s face, he knew she felt as though she had won. 

“We leave first thing tomorrow morning.” She said with a final nod before leaving the office. He stopped caring to ask where she ran off to in the middle of the day, he figured it was better that he didn’t know. 

He had himself buried in paperwork that he had neglected over the past week, knowing he already missed a few deadlines. There was a different energy inside of him now, one that he hadn’t thought would ever return. Glancing at the clock, he knew the lunch hour was approaching and he needed to get his mind straight. Seeing Scully more regularly caused a small smile to form on his lips. That was how Diana found him when she made her way back to the office. 

“Sorry, I had a meeting.” His smile faded, shrugging off her words. She let out a heavy sigh, sitting at her desk. “Fox, what changed between us?” 

He scoffed, leaning back in his chair. “Everything, Diana. We aren’t the same people as we were when the x-files were first started.” 

“I know, but we were good.” Before Scully came back, she wanted to say. The men she reported to didn’t seem fazed by the recent developments, only angering her more. 

“We haven’t been good in a while, Diana. You and I both know that.” He clipped back. She stood with the fury inside of her. 

“Things only changed the minute she came back in the picture. How quickly you forgave her for withholding a child from you.” She was playing with fire, she could see it burning in his eyes. 

“That’s none of your damn business.” He shouted back, standing to match her stance. Before she could respond, there was a light knock on the open door. Diana’s eyes narrowed, seeing the object of their argument, standing there. 

Scully felt completely out of her element, a weird sense of dejavu surging through her as she took the ride down to the basement. This was their office for so long, she felt like a stranger in a place that was like another home for her. The look in Diana’s eyes told her she was unwelcome, but the way Mulder visibly relaxed at her presence caused her to exhale with relief. 

“I hope I’m not interrupting.” Mulder wanted to laugh at the way Diana visibly scoffed. He pushed past her to meet Scully at the door, smiling down at her as she returned his smirk. 

“Never. Ready for lunch?” She simply nodded, her eyes glancing towards Diana again. She was surprised that he was so blatantly defying her words. “I’ll be back.” 

They settled themselves in the diner they frequented, the waitress making a point to say that she missed seeing them. They ordered, waiting for the other to talk. It was ridiculous, as much shared history that passed between them, it was the simple things they didn’t know how to navigate. Throw them in a life or death situation, and no doubt they’d make it out alive together. That’s how he decided to treat this, how much weight he was putting into their new relationship. 

“I’m sorry, it seemed like you two were, uh -” She sipped from her water cup, wanting to know what they were screaming at each other for. She caught a few words as she inched closer to the office, hoping he would offer more information at lunch. 

“She’s just annoyed with me, and I suppose that feeling is mutual.” He scoffed, closing his eyes in exhaustion. 

“Is it always like that?” 

“No, that’s probably actually the most we’ve talked recently. I usually just go on whatever case she finds and do the job.” He shrugged. He was miserable, the twinge of guilt twisting in her stomach. The way he used to talk about cases, the gleam in his eyes when he presented them to her, it was all gone. 

“And you’re okay with that?” 

“If I want the x-files, I have to be.” He let out a heavy sigh. This wasn’t the lunch conversation he was hoping for. “We got into other things, more personal things, last week and I thought for sure she’d be gone today. I wasn’t so fortunate.” 

“Mulder you can’t keep doing that to yourself.” He shrugged. There was a strong urge to tell her that since she came back into his life that he didn’t feel as miserable, knowing he was able to see her and their son. She wasn’t ready for that kind of declaration so he held his tongue, for now. 

“I’ll manage.” He gave her a small smile which she returned. “But she does have a case for us first thing tomorrow in Utah, I should only be gone maybe a day.” 

“Oh, okay.” She cleared her throat, the sudden feeling of loss flowing through her. It was ridiculous, but she felt the jealousy. “Do you...want to come over tonight?” 

“I - uh, yeah.” He flashed her a sheepish grin that caused her brow to furrow slightly with wonder. “I was actually just going to drop by, but I feel better with the invitation.” 

“You’re always welcome.” She held his gaze for a moment, seeing the hope in his eyes. She knew if she allowed him, he’d never leave. That idea was sounding better with each passing day.

* * *

After a nice evening with Scully and William, he begrudgingly made his way to the airport to meet Diana. He was early, mostly because his mind was in every different direction. Everything in him told him to not get on that plane, not go off on some wild goose chase. He knew it wasn’t a real case, the smaller details making that more evident. A teenage woman who didn’t come home one night after being with friends, only to be found 100 miles away, seemingly unharmed. He let out a heavy sigh as he saw Diana approaching. 

“Fox. I must say I’m surprised to see you here.” 

“I’m just doing my job.” He grumbled back, shifting uncomfortably in the already cramped seats of the terminal. She chose not to comment further, taking the seat across from him. Her interest was only piqued when his cell rang. 

“Mulder.” 

“Hey, it’s me.” He smiled into the phone, she didn’t have to say who ‘me’ was, he would always know. There was a part of her statement that tugged at his heart, that she felt at ease with their familiar exchanges. 

“Hey, you.” Diana narrowed her eyes at his conversation. He wanted to walk around so she wasn’t listening in, but the bitter part of him caused him to remain in his seat, she needed to hear this. 

“Sorry to call, I know your flight leaves soon. I was looking at the case, Mulder, I don’t think this is an x-file.” She sounded just as exasperated as he felt. 

“Yeah, I don’t think so either.” She could hear the annoyance in his voice. She only wished that she was the one sitting at the airport with him. “We’ll go, investigate, and I’m sure I’ll be back tomorrow.” He missed the eyebrow that Diana raised, the other plans brewing in her mind. 

“Just be careful.” The warning was evident in her voice, she was concerned for him. That thought caused the smile to bloom even further on his lips. 

“You worried about me, Scully?” He teased through the phone. There wasn’t an audible response, but the small huff of breath that escaped her lips told him that the blush was rising on her cheeks as they spoke. 

“Call me when you get settled.” 

“Goodbye, Scully.” His voice mocking, the smile spreading. Diana was visibly annoyed when he hung up, but he didn’t care to investigate her state of mind. 

They arrived at the hotel, his mood plummeting when he realized that they had adjoining rooms in a more secluded part of the building. The only difference was that he had no intention of unlocking his side, though no doubt she’d try to make a move. She wanted to go talk to the girl and the family right away, so he had no time to call Scully. He just let out a heavy sigh, going along with her wishes to hopefully expedite this little side trip. 

“Mrs. Donoghue, thank you for meeting with us.” Diana began the courtesies, Mulder’s mind elsewhere. 

“Please have a seat. I’m glad there’s some more investigations going into Natalie’s disappearance. It all still doesn’t make a lot of sense to me.” Melinda shook her head, a deep confusion in her eyes. “Let me get Natalie for you.” 

“Could you at least pretend you’re interested in this investigation?” Diana hissed under her breath. Mulder shrugged, reclining more in the seat he had taken. He began to speak, only to be completely stilled by the young woman who entered the room. 

Diana hid her surprise well. Apparently the men she worked for had taken more consideration into her warnings than she thought. Her only task was to get him to Utah, leaving no questions asked. It was difficult from the beginning, but she managed to at least do this part of her job. Now, looking at the frightened young woman before them, she knew her abduction was intentional to hopefully peak his interest. The bright eyes, the long, wavy brown hair. She resembled everything he thought he had lost. 

“Natalie, this is Agent Fowley and Agent Mulder. They just have a few questions about the night you disappeared.” Her mother explained tenderly, a comforting voice to ease her mind. She excused herself to the kitchen while they spoke. 

“I don’t remember a lot from that night.” She offered quickly, having already been through this with countless doctors, police personnel and even her own family. 

“We just have a few questions about anything you might remember, any tiny details.” Diana explained, leaning forward to grab her attention. Mulder noted that although she was trying to gain her trust, there was still something off-putting about her demeanor. Scully was always able to enchant anyone who spoke to her. “Let’s start with where you were before you disappeared.” 

“I went camping with some friends for the weekend. It was our last night there, and Todd asked me to go with him on a walk. We didn’t go too far, and when it started getting late, we turned around. I don’t remember getting back to the camp. He said that there was a flash and he thought I was taking a picture, but when he was able to focus, I was gone. He ran back and told everyone that he couldn’t find me, and they searched all over, but I was nowhere. I don’t know how I ended up where I was found.” She shook her head, hanging it low as if she found her own words absolutely ridiculous. Mulder was at full attention now, sitting forward, elbows resting on his knees. 

“You said there was a flash?” 

“Todd said it was a bright light, but he got dizzy from it for a moment.” 

“Did he have any memory loss or experience anything else?” Mulder asked with more enthusiasm than Diana’s seen from him since she returned to the states. 

“No, not that he’s said.” 

“We might have to talk to him, since he was with you before you were ab - taken. Do you have an address for him?” Natalie simply nodded, getting up to retrieve a piece of paper to send them in their next direction. “That detail wasn’t in the notes.” 

“No, I don’t remember reading it either. Maybe her memory is coming back to her in pieces.” Diana offered, knowing damn well what intentionally happened to this girl. 

“She was abducted, we need to get a copy of her full medical records, and talk to this other kid.” 

“Why don’t we wait until tomorrow for that. It’s getting late, we could grab a bite to eat and then reset for tomorrow while we go over the medical records.” He just nodded in agreement, his mind already bouncing between several different theories. She wasn’t sure what he was led out here for, but she had a strong feeling that Mulder wouldn’t be waking up in Utah tomorrow. 

They stopped by the hospital before making their way back to the hotel. He still hadn’t had a chance to call Scully, the small ounce of guilt settling in his stomach. Diana had suggested that they eat in her room and go over notes. He was too excited and focused that he ignored all the warning bells going off in his head. 

It was late by the time he made it back to his own room, knowing it was even later in Washington D.C. He knew she would answer if he called her right now, but didn’t want to wake her or the baby. He would apologize later, he’d been doing a lot of that lately. Just as he was gathering his things to shower, there was a loud hum outside that sounded like it was getting closer. Curiosity winning the better of him, he made his way to the window just in time to see the bright light flash in his eyes, before everything went black. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apologies that this was so late! Minor injury caused some writing complications. Don't worry, all my stories usually have happy endings ;)


	5. Chapter 5

She was pacing the small room, the surroundings all too familiar. The fluorescent lighting, the smells, the beeping sounds of his monitors. After so many years, in and out of the hospital, you’d think the sounds were a form of lullaby for her. She was nervous, worried. He was missing for 2 days, only to be returned at the hospital they both unfortunately were all too familiarized with. One of the nurses recognized her name as his next of kin, that small fact made her smile, just for a second. There was a strong tug of guilt in her stomach from the information that she’d have to relay when he woke. 

“Dana? My god, honey, what happened?” Maggie made her way to the hospital after Scully’s call. She knew she wasn’t leaving Mulder’s side, and needed her mom to keep the baby for a few days possibly. She was going to wear herself down, but didn’t need to subject them both to the exhaustion. William was too young to have to face the hospital routine she knew too well. 

“I don’t know yet. He was found here this morning, but the tests show that he’s perfectly fine. Other than a few bruises, and the unconsciousness, he’s in perfect health.” Her shoulders sagged as she felt herself take a breath in what felt like forever. 

“I thought you said he was out of town.” Maggie was baffled, though not really surprised. She knew enough about their work, and stopped asking for clarification on the specifics. 

“He - he was, in Utah. I don’t know how he ended up back here. He never called when he landed, and his partner -” She paused, shaking her head. It was too heavy to get into, not yet. 

“Well, I will take the baby, buy you need to rest, too.” 

“I know, I will. I’ll call you later today, hopefully I have an update.” She kissed the baby’s head, holding him close to gain a moment of sanity. Her mother left, the beeping of the monitors amplifying in the silence as she slumped into the chair beside his bed. 

His eyes shot open, only seeing the bright lights staring back at him. He became restless, pulling his arms and legs from the imaginary restraints in his head. There was a calming warmth on his face, his eyes finally focusing on where he was. The familiar tint of red came into focus, seeing her leaning over him, repeating reassuring sentiments close to his face to make sure he heard her. She only woke because he called out her name with a strangled cry. 

“Mulder, shh, it’s okay. You’re safe.” She circled his cheek gently with her hand, repeating the notion with her words until he began to relax. The monitors were beeping a new tune, causing the nursing staff to rush in. 

He tensed as soon as he saw them, searching for her eyes as they motioned for her to step aside. She reluctantly nodded, stepping towards the other end of the room, only to be stopped by his hand that held a tight grip on her arm. 

“Mulder, I’m not leaving, I’m just moving right over here.” She leaned in closer to him, placing a small kiss to his temple in hopes that it would calm him again. He seemed to sigh into her embrace, so she took the moment to step away and let the doctors check on him. 

“Mr. Mulder, everything looks great. I still don’t know how you ended up here, we’ve been helping with reviewing the security tapes. You have some bruises on your ankles and wrists, so we think -” He paused, waiting for some of the nurses to clear out before continuing. It was a sensitive subject, and they were still at a loss as to how this man landed in their hands. Scully moved back to his side as Dr. Roberts moved to the end of the bed. “We think you were restrained, wherever you were. According to Dr. Scully here, you’ve been missing for about 2 days. Do you have any memory of what happened to you?” 

The doctor was being cautious, but it wasn’t necessary. Both Scully and Mulder knew what happened to him, and who was responsible. Reviewing security tapes was thoughtful, but useless. There was a small ounce of worry in her, that this would only fuel his search, never being able to detach himself from the very thing that had torn them apart. He could see the apprehension in her eyes, reading her very thoughts. 

“No.” He cleared his throat, it still raspy from the coma state he found himself in. “I don’t remember anything.” 

“What’s the last thing you do remember?” 

“I - I was in Utah, with my partner, Diana Fowley.” 

“And there’s not recollection of how you ended up back here in DC?” Mulder simply shook his head, he knew his means of transportation. Dr. Roberts could tell he wasn’t going to get much more out of him, and simply excused himself from the room. 

Scully licked her lips nervously, he had seen her flinch at the mention of Diana’s name, but it was different than the normal dislike she had for the woman. There was almost a sadness in her eyes, an apology on her lips. He waited as she cautiously took the seat next to him. The silence in the room created a heavy air around them, but he waited for her to walk. Whatever she needed to say, was important, and he didn’t want to push her. 

“Mulder -” She paused, taking his hand and tenderly running her thumb over the bruises on his wrists. A small tear escaped her eye before she could catch it, meeting his eyes. “Diana, she -” 

“Was she abducted, too?” 

“I don’t know. But she was found, here, in her apartment…” She watched as his eyes closed, his head laying heavily in the pillow behind him. “She was found murdered.” 

His hand tightened on hers at the word, nodding in understanding. He should have suspected, her only task was obviously to get him to Utah. She had succeeded, and she was no use to them anymore. He had guessed that she was on the outs, her efforts becoming more persistent. Her tasks were apparent to him more and more, the only clear visual in his mind was Scully. Scully and William. 

“Where’s the baby?” She seemed startled at the question, it was like he had accepted Diana’s death before even confirming it to be true. She half expected him to wake up and demand out of the hospital to start on his quest with a new passion. 

“He’s with my mom. I was here all morning, and he was getting restless. I wasn’t sure how long I would be here.” She admitted, suddenly seeming embarrassed under his gaze. 

“I probably can’t break out just yet, but I’d like to see him.” She gave him a wide-eyed look again, who was this man? Before she could speak, the doctor appeared back in the room. 

“Actually, I was just coming to say that you can probably go home tonight, as long as you have someone to watch you for the next 24 hours.” He glanced towards Scully, the blush creeping on her cheeks at the obvious implication. She avoided Mulder’s eyes, a simple nod as she stared down at her shoes. “I’ll get your discharge paperwork together.” 

“Scully, I’ll be fine. I don’t want to put you out.” He was quick with his response, which confused her. Any other time, he’d be finding a way to invade her space. She understood that he still felt completely out of his element, they had created such a distance. 

“No, you either come home with me, or you stay here.” She jutted out her chin with a finality in her statement. He let out a heavy sigh, he wasn’t going to win this one. Truth was, he knew that the minute she allowed him into her apartment, taking care of him, he’d never want to leave. They weren’t there yet. 

She helped him to her car, careful to avoid the bruises on his wrists. There was an accidental graze which made him wince. Once he settled in the car, the realization dawned that he didn’t have any clothes with him. He had borrowed some hospital scrubs, but would definitely need more soon. 

“Uh, Scully...we might need to stop by my place first. I’ll need some clothes.” She simply nodded, changing routes as she made her way to his apartment. He realized she never asked if he still lived in the same place, and that only brought more questions to his mind. Had she checked in on him? How? 

“I can run up and grab you a few things, you shouldn’t be on your feet too much.” 

“Okay, thanks.” 

“Anything specific you need?” 

“Just the usual, but you may need to feed the fish. I’ve apparently been gone a few days.” He gave her a half grin, causing her to respond with her own. 

When she entered the apartment in the daylight, it was as if she was walking into her past. Nothing drastic had changed, though the cleanliness was surprisingly neat. She began rummaging through his drawers, using one of his duffle bags since his overnight suitcase was still in evidence. As she moved to the other side of his bedroom to gather socks and underwear, her breath caught as she saw the box laying on the side of his bed. It was a pop-up crib, a few bags next to it with toys and blankets. It hit her that that’s why his apartment was freshly cleaned, he had intentions of having the baby here at some point, being the father he never really had. She took a moment to get her emotions in check before making her way back to him. 

The ride back to her apartment was quiet. He noted that she had packed more than just one night’s worth of clothes, but kept the questions to a minimum. He was grateful that she was even here, that he woke to her at his bedside. There were some missing pieces that he needed to know, but not now. He knew she would be honest with him later, when it was the right time. 

“Fox, it’s good to see you up and around.” Maggie greeted them both with a warm smile. Scully had taken a moment to call her and let her know the plan. “I’ve made dinner for tonight, and a few things for tomorrow that are in the freezer.” She handed the baby to Scully, gathering her things to leave them alone. 

“Mom, you don’t have to go.” 

“Oh, I should be getting home anyway. It’s good to see you.” She turned her attention back to Mulder, embracing him in a light hug. She didn’t know the extent of his injuries, and could sense that neither of them knew what really happened to him yet. 

“Go ahead and make yourself comfortable, do you want any ice packs?” She picked up the duffle she set at the front door, leaving the baby in the bassinet, and walked towards her room. He had so many questions. 

“Uh, yeah, maybe I should try to ease the bruising a little.” He winced as his tender ankles made contact with her coffee table. She brought him two ice packs, and a cup of hot tea. There was something meticulous about her motions, which could only mean one thing. She was brewing with unleashed emotions, and trying desperately to avoid them. He wanted her to sit and talk to him, but she needed her space, and he was invading it. 

She finally settled on the couch after changing the baby and snuggling him to her chest. He smiled at her, seeing how William just melted into her touch. He understood the feeling, and knew how loving a simple kiss to the head felt from her. A moment of remembrance surged through him, causing his grin to grow. She had kissed his temple when he first woke in the hospital. 

“Thank you, for letting me crash here. I didn’t really want to stay in the hospital.” 

“I know, you’ve always hated them. But I don’t mind, it’ll be easier to monitor than me calling every 5 minutes to make sure you’re okay.” She hid her smirk behind the baby’s head. He hadn’t completely screwed everything up like he feared, she still cared. 

“Scully -” It was his ‘we need to talk’ voice. She shook her head, halting his words as she rose to lay the baby in the other room in his crib. It was almost as if she was shielding him from whatever conversation they were about to have. When she emerged, she was fidgety again, and he let out a heavy sigh. 

“Do you want some more tea?” 

“No, I’m okay.” 

“Okay.” Her voice was just a whisper as she cautiously took her seat next to him on the couch again. She wasn’t necessarily avoiding the conversation, she just didn’t know what she was preparing for. 

“I don’t know what happened to me. Well, not the details.” He said, gesturing to the black and purple colors that covered his wrists. “But I need to find out.” The sigh of disappointment that came from beside him clutched at his heart. She had every reason to doubt him, but he wasn’t finished. 

“You should heal first.” 

“I - I was just planning to go through another regression therapy.” She finally met his eyes, that furrowed brow and confused pout staring back at him. “I know who was responsible for my disappearance, and the person that led me there.” 

“I’m sorry, I know you two were...close.” He shook his head, dismissing her apology. 

“She had to have known what she was walking into, working for them.” 

“So, what happens when you do find out?” 

“I don’t know, but I don’t plan on pursuing anything more.” To say the look on her face was shocked, would be an understatement. “There’s too much to risk now, and if I go off, I won’t know who’s here, protecting you.” 

“Mulder -” 

“I called out for you, I can still hear it in my head. It’s the only memory I have from the last few days. I called for you, and I saw William’s face in my mind, and I felt safe. I felt like that’s where I was supposed to be.” 

She didn’t have any words, just reaching out to grasp onto his hand. Her eyes were wet with unshed tears, and he knew that was a lot for her in one night. He had already made up his mind in the 10 minutes she left him alone in the car. The next part of his life was going to include his family, and hopefully that meant being back to where Scully and him were before everything went to hell. 

“Are you hungry? Mom said she left some food.” She avoided her emotions for the moment being, everything around her was happening so fast. She was out of her mind the two days he was missing. She flew out to Utah herself, examining the room, looking for any piece of evidence. There were a few yelling phone calls to the local law enforcement, and even more to the bureau to find him. There was always that underlying gut feeling that she knew exactly what happened to him, but refused to believe it yet. Once speaking with the Gunmen, asking them to get into any security footage of airports and train stations they could find, she also confirmed that he had the same apartment. She had found herself there in the middle of the night haze, heading straight for the couch to cover herself in the afghan that smelled like him. She hardly remembers the trip there, and never left his couch. It was a different feeling than walking in there earlier that day. 

“I could eat.” She nodded, retreating to the kitchen. He could sense that she needed the space, so he remained on the couch, flipping through channels. 

When she returned, he thanked her with a smile as they ate in silence. It wasn’t uncomfortable anymore, but there were still many things left unsaid. All in good time. He sat his plate down, rubbing his stomach in an exaggerated motion, causing her to chuckle. He relished in the sound. 

“I apparently was hungrier than I thought.” 

“Good, you need to get your appetite back.” She gathered their dishes, taking more time to clean them by hand. He didn’t know whether or not now was the time to bring up his plans for his future, their future, if he was lucky enough. He waited, until she joined him again, sitting a little closer this time. 

“It’s getting late, shouldn’t you be getting ready for bed? Don’t want to keep you up on a school night.” He teased, the smile fading as her brow furrowed, then softened in realization. 

“Mulder, it - it’s Friday.” Oh, right. He had been missing for two days, and he last spoke to her on Tuesday. 

“I guess I have some catching up to do.” He tried to lighten the mood again, but he could read the sympathy in her eyes. He was startled when he felt a gentle hand brush the hair hanging in his face away. 

“It’ll come back.” She smiled at him, and he honestly believed her. Even if the regression didn’t work, he knew she would at least be there for him again. 

“Is that why my overnight bag is packed for a little more than overnight?” He leered at her, causing the color to rise on her cheeks. She was caught. 

“I just figured it would be easier for you to stay the weekend, than to have you moving all around.” She cleared her throat, shifting slightly away from him as she sat up straighter. “I - uh, also was going to suggest that you sleep in the bed, with me. You’ll be more comfortable, and I can keep an eye on you in case you have any fevers or anything.” Her explanation sounded innocent enough, but his eyes had a gleam in them that made the blush spread down her chest. 

“Are you coming on to me, Scully?” She rolled her eyes, turning off the tv and leaving him sitting there with a grin on his face. She missed that smile. 

“In your dreams, Mulder.” 

“Oh, Scully, how’d you know?” He wagged his eyebrows at her as he followed her into the bedroom. He was receiving a record number of eyerolls, and he loved it. 

They took turns getting ready for bed, both taking their chance to stop and check on William. He was sound asleep, looking more peaceful than either of them could remember even feeling in the last 6 years together. 

Mulder automatically took the side of the bed he normally slept on when they had shared in the past. That sight caught her off guard, realizing she still slept on the other side even alone. It was almost as if she had left it open for him. She shook the thoughts from her head, climbing in next to him, immediately feeling his warmth wafting in her direction. 

“Goodnight, Mulder.” 

“Goodnight, Scully.” It was silent for a beat longer. “Thank you.”

* * *

“Mulder, come on, wake up.” Her voice was gentle, soothing. He was flat on his back, his arms stiffly at his side as his body thrashed around. She laid a shaky hand on his cheek, running it in circular motions until he seemed to calm down. There’s been many nights that she’s had to talk him out of a nightmare, but this was the worst she’s seen. He was trapped in the dream. 

“Scully!” He jolted forward, her moving quickly out of his way. He sat there, panting, attempting to catch his breath. His eyes were wide, and fearful. 

“You’re okay, it’s okay, it was a nightmare.” She was running her hands through his hair now, letting him gather his own thoughts. He finally turned to her, reluctantly moving away from her touch. 

“I - I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to wake you. I think I’m just going to watch some tv on the couch.” He removed himself from the bed quickly, before she could even protest. A heavy sigh escaped her lips as she let him walk out of the room. Before, he would have held onto her, absorbed her strength. Things were different now, they had to get there again. 

She woke again to the faint sounds of the baby beginning to whine. She groaned, not falling asleep after Mulder’s outburst, her mind too busy. Gathering William in her arms, she made her way to the kitchen, hoping to keep him quiet enough until she could reach a bottle. She wasn’t sure if Mulder was able to fall back asleep, but she wanted to be quiet in case he did. 

“Oh, I’m sorry.” He was standing just at the end of the short hallway. She looked startled for a moment, not expecting him to be up just yet. “I thought I heard him, and was going to get him and let you sleep.” 

“Thanks, I - uh, was already awake anyway.” She smiled slightly, he understood that it was because of him. 

“I’m sorry.” 

“It’s okay, are you feeling better?” He stepped aside to let her pass, realizing he was still blocking her way and the baby was beginning to protest louder. 

“I didn’t sleep again, but…” He shrugged, following her into the kitchen. “I was thinking about trying to get in today, to have the regression therapy.” 

“Oh.” 

“I’m not - Scully, I just need to know what happened to me. I’m going to keep having these nightmares until I know.” He pleaded with her to understand. 

“Just be careful, Mulder. I don’t want you to have this epiphany and go chasing after these men again. I can’t keep finding you in a hospital.” Her voice was almost a strangled cry, drifting off into a whisper. 

She turned away from him, prepping the bottle, the baby in her other arm. He walked up behind her, almost afraid to touch her as he rested his hands on her arms. She jumped slightly, not expecting the contact. She finally relaxed into his touch, leaning into his chest. 

“I’m not going anywhere.” His voice has a finality in it that confused her. There was something else running through his mind, something he wasn’t ready to talk about. With a soft kiss to the side of her head, he let her have a moment as he escaped to take a shower. 

When he emerged, she was on the couch, cuddling the baby to her more than he probably wanted. She needed to feel him close, not knowing what would happen. She wanted to go with him, but didn’t want to keep leaving William with her mom. She hadn’t been around him the last few days, so worried about finding Mulder. 

“I’ll call you when I’m done, I can bring lunch?” 

“Sure.” Her voice was small, half of her face buried into baby scent. He braced his arms around her, boxing her in by his body. She needed to understand what he was about to tell her. His hand tilted her chin up to meet his gaze, which she was desperately trying to avoid. 

“I promise, I’m not leaving again.” Her bright blue eyes searched his, seeing the truth in his statement. There was something else there that she couldn’t decipher, but chose to leave it for now. The only thing she knew for sure was that he meant what he was saying. She simply nodded, unable to form words. He leaned in closer, her eyes quickly finding his again. When he saw the startled fear, he kissed her gently on the forehead, repeating the motion with William before leaving without another word. 

His mind was everywhere on his drive there. He had called before his shower, and Dr. Schwaber agreed to meet with him. He had worked with the man before while doing research, and he agreed to do this as a personal favor. Mulder’s mind went back to the image of Scully’s wide eyes when he leaned in to kiss her. She was fearful, but of what? Of him? That he’d understand. No, there was something else there, like she was afraid to want that with him again. He let out a heavy sigh, if she even wanted that sort of life with him included as more than William’s father. There was a plan of action in his mind. So many bits and pieces that were bouncing around sporadically, he just needed straight answers, so that he could make his next move. 

“Mr. Mulder, I was pleasantly surprised with your phone call. Please, come on in.” Dr. Schwaber was just arriving to his office himself, not normally open on a Saturday. 

“Thank you, for seeing me. I - it’s sort of an urgent matter.” 

“Now, from my understanding, something happened to you recently, is that correct?” He made himself comfortable, gesturing for Mulder to do the same on the couch in front of him. 

“Yes. I only have the memories of leading up to the - disappearance, and even those are hazy and broken.” Dr. Schwaber nodded, taking notes and then retrieving a recorder. 

“It’ll be best for you if we record. I assume you’ll need these notes for a further investigation?” That was the question, would there be a further investigation? Mulder knew that a part of him would always wonder why he was taken, and wouldn’t rest easy until he figured that part out, but he had hoped the regression would return what was done with him. If he knew that much, he could fill in the blanks, and there wouldn’t be an emptiness of questions. 

“Please.” 

“Alright, Mulder, let’s have you relax your body, shut down your mind.” He almost scoffed at the thought. He closed his eyes, listening to the doctor’s orders as he told him to imagine a safe place for him to return to if he needed. Images of the house on Martha’s Vineyard appeared in his mind, and he was puzzled. He would never imagine this to be his safe place. But then, a flurry of red hair was approaching him with a baby on her hip as a toddler aged William ran towards him. He smiled, catching William as he jumped into his arms. This was his safe place, with his family, the family he never thought he’d have. 

“We’re going to go back to the hotel in Utah, can you see it?” He nodded as his happy images faded, and a dark color scheme took over his mind. He watched himself review notes with Diana, the images of the girl they were investigating entering his mind again. He winced, now knowing that this poor girl was taken on his behalf, just to get him here. Diana had tried to make him stay in her room, a chill ran down his spine. 

“What do you see now?” 

“I’m in my room, I’m looking for clothes in my bag.” 

“What’s happening around you?” 

“Nothing, the tv is on.” Dr. Schwaber began to ask another question, but halted as Mulder’s body stiffened. “There’s a sound, a loud humming sound.” 

“Where’s it coming from?” 

“Outside. I check the window, but there’s nothing ther - No!” He jolted forward, Dr. Schwaber had to rest his hand back on his knee. 

“Let’s go back to your happy place, Mulder. Go back to where you’re the happiest.” The bright light in Mulder’s mind began to illuminate images of Scully, holding a baby, a girl, as William sat in his lap. She smiled at him, and his heart warmed. He physically relaxed again. “Are you ready to try again?” Mulder nodded. 

“What happened when you went to the window?” The lightness of his dreams flashed bright, and suddenly he woke on a table. His body was stiff as a board as the images of him strapped down to the cold metal by his ankles and wrists. “I - I can’t move.” 

“Where are you?” 

“I don’t know. I can’t move. Why can’t I move?” He growled, struggling against the restraints in his mind. Dr. Schwaber nodded, now noticing the bruises on his wrists. 

“What do you see?” 

“Nothing, it’s bright.” He continued to struggle. “Wait, the - there’s equipment on a table next to me. I don’t recognize it.” 

“Describe them.” He encouraged, and so Mulder did. Medical tools, from what he could gather. Suddenly, he began thrashing around. 

“Scully!” He began yelling, fighting the imaginary restraints. “No! No - William.” His strangled cry caused the doctor to feel that was enough. He placed a hand on his knee again. 

“Find your happy place, Mulder. Go back to where you’re happiest.” His voice was a little more urgent than he anticipated, but this man was in so much pain. 

“Scully.” It sounded more like a sigh, than a cry. His entire body went limp against the couch, a faint smile on his lips as he pictured his family again. 

“I’m going to remove my hand from your knee, do you feel it there?” Mulder nodded. “Good, when I remove my hand, you’re going to come back to present time, to my office. On the count of 3, Mulder. 1...2...3” He removed his hand slowly as Mulder’s eyes fluttered open. 

“How are you feeling?” Dr. Schwaber asked, handing him a glass of water. 

“Exhausted.” Mulder huffed, accepting the water with a thanking smile. “At least I know what happened.” 

“You remember?” Mulder nodded. He knew, with his own psychology degree, that most people who underwent regression therapy usually didn’t remember their sessions. He also knew that knowing was what he came for, and with a photographic memory like his own, it was all a vivid nightmare in his mind. 

“Thank you.” Mulder steadied himself on his feet, taking a deep breath. “Would it be possible to make a copy of the tape?” 

“It’s yours to keep. I would like to make a transcript of it though, to keep for my records.” 

“I can transcribe it, and drop it off next week. FBI honor.” He smiled, Dr. Schwaber returning the gesture. He thanked the doctor again before leaving. The tape sitting in his hands, he sat completely still in his car. There were a lot of answers he was hoping not to find. He needed to talk it all through with Scully, it’s what helped him piece things together. He just hoped she wanted to hear it. 

“Scully.” 

“Hey, it’s me.” 

“How was it?” There was no pretext of small talk, she had been worried for him. He smiled at the thought. 

“Well, I definitely think I know what happened now.” 

“And?” 

“I have a few stops to make before I head back.” 

“Oh.” 

“Scully, I know you have no reason to believe me, or trust me on this, but I promise, there’s nothing you should worry about.” She was quiet for a long moment, his nerves amplified.

“I trust you.” Her voice was so small, he thought he heard her wrong. Deciding against clarification, he let out a deep breath and disconnected the call after promising to be back before dark. 

“Thank you.” Between them, those three words were more precious and intimate than others.

* * *

“I’m a little late for lunch, so I picked up an early dinner.” He gave her a sheepish grin as she opened the door to him. She could see the finer lines around his eyes, the exhaustion apparent on his face. He didn’t seem to have any new injuries, so she took that as a good sign of his whereabouts. 

“He’s taking his afternoon nap, I don’t know where he inherited his ability to sleep so much.” She began picking up scattered baby toys and clothes, stacking them on the smaller seat and plopping down on the couch beside him as he separated food. 

“No offense, Scully, but that one’s all you.” 

“I don’t sleep that much.” She grumbled, a small pout appearing on her lips. 

“Do you remember when we were in Michigan, and Detective Samuels called about another body. I was risking my life having to wake you up in the middle of the night. I thought you were going to shoot me again.” He teased, causing a slight color to reach her cheeks. 

“I was tired.” She shot back defensively, appreciating the lightness of the conversation. He wasn’t on edge, like she had expected him to be. He seemed relaxed, sure of himself. As much as she tried to put all of that behind her, she was curious. He sensed it, her eyes silently asking the question. 

“Do you really want to know?” She thought about it, nodding as she set her plate in front of her. She curled her legs under her, turning slightly to face him. “I don’t know where to start.” 

“Was the case real? You said you didn’t believe that it was an x-file before you left.” 

“I think, that girl was taken, to lure me there.” He hung his head, images of her and Samantha blending in his mind. “They picked someone who resembled my sister, on a surface level.” 

“Oh, Mulder.” Her hand came out instinctively to run her fingers tenderly through his hair. 

“I think that was more so to pique my interest, and make sure I didn’t hop on the next flight home.” He let out a heavy sigh. “I remember every time I tried to call you, Diana made up some reason not to. I was so excited to be that close to something again, I just agreed. I should have called.” 

“That’s how I knew something was wrong. I called your cell, and then the hotel. They said that your things were there, but you were gone. When I arrived at the local field office, they said that they hadn’t heard from you or Dia -” 

“You went to Utah?” He asked incredulously. Her eyes widened, cheeks shining bright red. She didn’t mean to let that one slip just yet. 

“Well, yeah. Mulder, you were missing.” He just smiled, reaching for her hand and bringing it to rest in his lap, cradled in his. She scooted herself closer, waiting for him to continue. 

“I was strapped to a table, which explains the bruises. It was bright, and I can’t make out the faces of the men who were there, but they were doing a procedure on me.” He winced. He explained the tools he could see blurred in his mind. She began to make mental notes, he could see the wheels turning. Her head shot up with wide eyes, an involuntary glance towards his crotch, before meeting his questioning gaze. “Scully?” 

“Mulder, do you - do you feel different, uh -” She paused, taking a deep breath. She was a doctor, she could do this. “Mulder, I believe they performed a form of vasectomy on you. It’s a very noninvasive surgery, and usually heals quickly. With you missing for two days, you probably would have never known had you not undergone regression therapy.” 

“So they fixed me? For what?” He groaned, feeling more violated. 

“Maybe -” She paused, playing with her hands. She glanced towards the bedroom where William was blissfully asleep. “Maybe you weren’t supposed to have children.” 

“But - they know about William, why would they take me now?” 

“What do you mean they know?” Her eyebrow rose. 

“Diana knew, so I’m assuming they know. That’s why I was taken.” He growled, leaning forward and burying his head in his hands. 

“Are we safe?” It was just a whisper, but the magnitude of the question laid heavy in her words. His head popped up as he leaned forward to embrace her. He needed to feel her close, needed to know she was really there. He also wanted to assure her that he was going to protect them, no one would touch his family. His forehead rested on hers, both of them basking in the moment. 

“I have a theory.” She huffed, the breath tickling his mouth. He wanted so desperately to kiss her, but the look in her eyes that morning was still freshly burned in his mind. 

“Of course you do.” 

“I think, they still have some of your ova, they only needed a sample from me. They didn’t need to take William to figure out if he has any immunities passed on to him. They’re probably better off testing our direct genetics.” 

“You think they’re creating hybrids with our DNA?” She looked horrified. He simply shook his head. 

“If they don’t find any abnormalities, then there’s nothing more to do with us.” 

“But how do we know? How will we know for sure that there’s nothing wrong? I can’t go through finding another Em -” She paused, unable to say her name as she closed her eyes and deflated. He pulled her to him, resting her against his side. She didn’t pull away, allowing him to hold her. 

“I - uh,” He cleared his throat. Another confession he wasn’t entirely ready to make. “When I found your ova, I had it stored safely. Well, Byers suggested that a few of them be fertilized, for better chances of survival. So, I - well, they needed the other half to make that happen.” He could feel her watching him, waiting. “After your cancer went into remission, I completely forgot about them until we found Emily. I wanted to make sure there weren’t any other mutations.” 

“That’s why you agreed to the IVF, you - you knew everything would be fine.” Her voice was shaky, but confident. He could hear her struggling with all the emotions, he was bringing up a lot. 

“I agreed, because you were the one who asked. I never thought about having children, but I look at him, and -” He shrugged, a smile on his face. She leaned back to see him relaxed for the first time since she ran into him again. 

“So, there’s nothing to find with his DNA?” 

“Well, I’d say he’s predispositioned for an awkward teenage phase, and a restlessness that may or may not be my fault. He might inherit my salt craving, or your sweet tooth. Definitely stubborn and hardheaded, also, not totally my fault.” He laughed at the mock glare she shot him. “But, other than that, I’d say he is going to be a normal kid.” She chuckled, he could feel it ripple across his chest. 

“Did you - uh, want more children?” The question was sudden, causing her to stiffen and slowly inch herself away from him in a more seated position. She was wary of his questioning, not understanding where it was coming from. 

“I - do you?” 

“I never even thought of having one, I just -” He took a deep breath. “I don’t know how vasectomies work, but I would assume that there’s a window where things are still… functioning, normally. I’ve also heard it’s reversible, though I doubt they gave me that much leeway.” 

“Technically, you could still be fertile for 8-16 weeks. Everyone heals differently. But Mulder, these men, who’s to say they didn’t take everything from you?” 

“I won’t know, unless I go to a doctor. I wouldn’t have any reason to unless you -” He paused, both of them sitting in silence. “I’m not saying you even want to be with me, that way, again. I just need to know what all of my options are. I’m sorry, it was stupid.” 

She thought about it, really thought about it. There’s been nothing else on her mind since she was flying to Utah to find him. Even after a year of not speaking to each other, she dropped everything to save him. She knew, without a doubt, that he’d do the same for her. This wasn’t the Mulder she had grown to love over the years, the one who was driven by his passion and curiosity for the unknown. This was a Mulder who was happy to be by her side, partaking in mundane tasks and helping to raise their son. He was watching her, waiting for a response, but she didn’t have one for him yet. She was still deciding, and this was forcing a conclusion from her. He began to stand, maybe escape to the kitchen in embarrassment and give her a minute to find the words to let him down as easy as possible. He was chastising himself for even thinking she would want anything to do with him in that capacity. Her hold on his hand tightened, bringing his attention back to her. When he met her eyes, they were wide and wary, but there was a small gleam of hope that made him sit back down next to her. 

“You should see a doctor.” She said in just a whisper, avoiding his gaze again. He felt the air leave his lungs with relief. He was going to do everything he could to not mess this up. “So what happens now?” 

“Well, if the x-files stays open, I’m sure they’ll assign me a new partner, which I’m not sure I want to go through again.” 

“What do you mean, if?” 

“Kersh only gave me the unit back because I had a babysitter on their side. With Diana gone, I’m sure it’s the last thing he needs to get rid of me.” He shrugged. 

“What would you do? I mean, Mulder, the VCS…” He shook his head at the thought. Violent Crimes messed with his head more than the x-files, and he couldn’t come home to them like that. 

“I - uh, actually made a stop to talk to the dean of Georgetown. He had made me an offer a few years ago that I completely ignored, but there’s a position opening up. I’d be working with the Criminal Justice program, teaching.” He explained slowly, her brow furrowing as she processed his words. 

“You’ve had a busy day.” 

“I also spoke and met with Skinner, who agreed to give me a letter of recommendation, because I know I won’t be getting one from Kersh. I do know he’ll be happy to have me out of the way though.” 

“Could you just leave?” She asked cautiously, so many other questions came with just those four words. She was asking if he could walk away from the work, the dedication to finding Samantha. He knew what happened to him, he didn’t want to admit what happened to her. Images of the life his mind had created came flashing into his head, that was his ultimate desire. He understood that now. It was always a conquest of finding his family, when his family was in front of him the entire time. Scully was his family, and William. 

“I’ve done all I can there, I can research from home, but -” He turned fully towards her, this was important. “I want to be here, for you and William. I don’t want you to have to worry about me, and keep finding me in the hospital because I’m an idiot and can’t realize when I’m being led into a trap. I know that we - we might not ever get back to where we were, or even if you want that, but I want to be here. Really be here, Scully.” 

She choked back the lump in her throat, daring the tears to escape her eyes. He was handing her everything she doubted of him when she made her decision. Never in her wildest dreams would she have imagined Mulder to make this kind of declaration to her. He was giving her everything, giving her him. They wouldn’t be able to fall back into whatever they were before, but there was hope and longing that they would grow gradually, together. She simply nodded, causing him to lean forward and kiss her softly on the forehead. It was a promise, a ‘soon’ of things to come. 

William began to stir, Scully standing immediately to retrieve him. She needed a moment to absorb everything, and he respected that. She couldn’t avoid it forever, he was invited to stay through the weekend. The thought brought a smile to his face. 

“Here.” She handed him the baby, the offending odor causing him to hold William out as far as his arms would reach. 

“Oh come on, Scully. A little warning next time.” She grinned and made her way to the kitchen. 

He changed the baby, exaggerating a gagging motion as he took the diaper outside to throw away. She laughed at him, holding the baby close to her as she made them some tea. They settled onto the couch, William half lying between them, playing with whatever toy he could find. Images of a toddler version flashed in Mulder’s mind, and he looked down with a genuine smile on his face. 

“What?” 

“Nothing.” He shook his head, he would tell her about the safe place later. “I’m just happy to be here...with my family.” 


	6. Chapter 6

Mulder was mixed with conflicting feelings, it was an emotional day. He grabbed the multiple trinkets off his desk, playing with them lightly in his hand before setting them into the box. It was an early morning, he was hoping to be in and out before anyone had the chance to notice him. Scully could tell he was anxious, it was one of the nights he had fallen asleep on her couch again. After the first night trying to share her bed following his hospital release, he couldn’t subject her to anymore nightmares. She could handle them, she always had, but he didn’t want to put her through that right now. 

“Mulder, are you okay?” Her voice was wary, masked with slumber. The look in her eyes revealed what she was really asking. Are you okay with walking away, letting the x-files close? Are you okay with just teaching, living this mundane life that she had made for herself and their son? He let out a heavy sigh, stepping forward to embrace her. 

“Yeah, there’s just a lot on my mind, I didn’t mean to wake you.” She laid her head on his chest. It had been a month, their physical contact not increasing more than simple embraces and small grazes of the hands. There was a deep feeling in her gut that told her that this was all he could offer, and she had to be okay with that. 

“You don’t have to do this.” Her voice was small, as if she was unbelieving of her own words. He leaned away from her just enough to cradle her face in his hands. 

“I do.” He leaned in, staring at her lips. Her breath hitched, she had been thinking about this. A deep exhale escaped her mouth as he diverted to kiss her forehead. He didn’t think she wanted more, but was confused by the longing in her eyes. He must have just imagined it, one of those middle of the night thoughts. “Besides, I’m sure Kersh has already framed my resignation.” She chuckled, still not moving away from him. 

He looked down at her, asking the silent question with his gaze. Is this what she wants, is he what she wants? They had worked their way back to a comforting relationship, able to parent their son together. She licked her lips, subtly. It was her sure tell sign that something deeper was on her mind. Although, when they found themselves in this position, it could also mean that she was expecting him to kiss her. He had the pleasure of learning that one for a brief moment before everything went to hell. 

His thumb gently stroked her cheek, he needed her to look at him. One look, and he’d have his answer. When her blue eyes met his, her gaze took his breath away. They were both tired, and worried about what these changes would mean for them, but there was something else in her eyes. Something he dared not dream to ever see again. 

She moved closer to him, letting him hold her, allowing her weight to fall against him. The gesture was there again, the small tongue jutting out to wet her bottom lip. Without much thought left, he leaned down, placing a chaste kiss on her mouth. It was soft and tender, at first. She reached up and wrapped her hand around his neck, pulling him in as close as their bodies could meld together. With a deep breath, she disconnected herself from him, grounding her feet as her eyes fluttered open. She missed him, oh how she missed him. He gave her a questioning look, the sudden guilt rising in his mind at her abrupt action. 

“I’m sorry.” She looked at him startled, seeing the look in his eyes. She shook her head, stepping towards him again. 

“No, Mulder. I just - everything is still an adjustment.” He nodded, embracing her again. 

“It’s still early, you should try to get some more sleep.” He kissed the top of her head, they could do this. 

“Why don’t you come back to bed with me this time?” 

“I don’t think that’s a good idea.” He caught the slight frown, the disappointment that crossed her face. “I probably won’t be able to fall back asleep, I don’t want to keep you up.” 

“Okay.” She nodded, knowing he was right. 

“Soon?” He asked with that grin she couldn’t refuse. She huffed a small laugh. 

“Soon.” With a parting kiss, she walked back to her bedroom, leaving him standing with a thousand more thoughts than he woke up with. 

That small moment in the twilight hours was what fueled his good mood to get him to the office. He had already packed away any notes he might need in relation to Samantha, leaving everything else buried down in the basement office. Diana’s belongings were cleared out after she died, leaving only him hiding away in the darkness for the remainder of his time there. The final piece of him that was left was the poster hanging on the wall. He smiled, rolling it into a tube and stuffing it in the corner of his box. That was everything, every piece of his last decade here. He looked over to the other side of the room, the smile still on his face. The better part of his time was spent with Scully by his side. 

“Didn’t imagine you’d ever be so happy to be here.” The booming voice came from the door. Skinner walked in the room, surprised to see the walls so bare. 

“Perhaps it’s the idea of leaving.” He scoffed, the final items making their way in his pile. 

“Also something I never thought I’d hear you say. You made it an early morning.” 

“I’m a changed man.” Mulder said sarcastically, a grin present on his face. 

“Well, I should hope so.” Skinner pointed him with a stare, saying all he needed to with his gaze. He meant for Scully. Mulder hoped he was changed for her, too. “Ready for the new office?” 

“I am, I’ve already had several meetings with the board, the transition is surprisingly smooth.” 

“I’m glad that everything was able to work out for you. Kersh didn’t give you too much trouble?” 

“Only as much as I was expecting. I think I heard him popping bottles in celebration before I even left his office.” Skinner laughed, nodding that he was probably right. 

“Let me know if you need anything else.” Mulder nodded his thanks, watching Skinner leave the office. Usually, this sight was after he chewed him out, then left him sulking in his own emotions for putting his partner in some kind of risky situation again. It was a nice change. 

Mulder finished gathering his belongings, turning the light off as the door locked closed behind him.

* * *

“Hey, where’d you go this morning?” She was running around, going about her morning routine as he made his way back to her apartment. 

“I was just cleaning out the office. I am officially, unemployed.” He said it with a huff as he plopped on her couch. 

“Mulder, you start teaching next week, you’re hardly unemployed.” She threw a receiving blanket at him, gesturing to the baby playing on the floor. “But to earn your keep, you can start by feeding him.” 

“So this is what it’s like to be a kept man. And here I thought you’d be using me for my body.” She shot him a mock glare before disappearing in her room again. There was a gleam, if he looked close enough. 

“What time did you even leave this morning?” She called from her room. He gathered William, who was beginning to make his hunger known, and made his way to her room. 

“Shortly after I sent you back to bed. Just wanted to get in and out.” He spoke as he approached her door, seeing it slightly cracked. 

He poked his head in cautiously, knowing she was still getting ready. It wasn’t anything he hadn’t seen before, but he still felt as if he was invading her privacy. She spotted him, turning as she finished buttoning up her blouse. There wasn’t an ounce of hesitation, and he took the small moment of opportunity to admire that her breasts were still larger after giving birth. 

“Did you run into anyone?” She asked as she began tucking in her blouse to her skirt. It was such a simple task, but being this close to her, feeding their son as she got ready, it felt incredibly intimate. 

“Uh - oh, yeah, Skinner came down to say goodbye. I think he’s the only person in the office that early.” 

“It was nice of him to give you the letter of recommendation.” She was bustling around as he leaned back against the bedframe, feeding William. After slipping on her heels, she finally paused, glancing up to see his position. It startled her, not realizing how well he adapted to their life after being given a chance. He looked content, the hard lines on his face fading each day. 

“It was. Once I get settled at the University, I might take him out to dinner, as a thanks.” He shrugged noncommittally. 

“We can have him here.” She blurted out before she had the chance to think about her words. “I mean, you can. I can cook though. I just think -” She was rambling, the smirk on his face told her that he noticed. He secretly loved when she let things like that slip, as though the thoughts of her future events always included him. 

“It’s a good idea. Thanks, Scully. I’ll let you know when.” His smirk grew as she nodded her head, escaping to the bathroom to apply her makeup. 

“I wasn’t sure what your plans were for today, so my mom is still expecting him.” She announced as she made her way into the living room, the prim and proper Dr. Scully back in control. 

“That’s okay, I should probably unload my stuff at my apartment and spend some time there while I have the days off.” He handed William to her to dress him. Her brows furrowed, a small pout on her lips. 

“Oh, okay. How - uh, how long?” It was ridiculous, to assume that he could spend all of his time with them. He was at her apartment almost every night, still sleeping on her couch, but he was there. They hadn’t taken any steps further in their personal relationship, until that morning. She thought for sure he’d just gradually move his way in and never leave, especially after their kiss. 

“I don’t know, I have some laundry to do, and should probably check to see what food needs to be tossed out. I want to organize the notes I have from the office in the boxes I already have stacked away.” He paused, noticing the look in her eyes. “But I can bring dinner tonight?” 

“You don’t have to. I didn’t mean to sound -” He stood, stepping behind her, his hands placed carefully on her hips. She was holding the baby to her, burying her face in his hair. Mulder waited, knowing she needed a minute to collect her thoughts. He didn’t move away. Finally, he felt her relax into his chest, turning her head ever so slightly to face him behind her. He leaned down and placed a chaste kiss on her lips, causing her to smile into the baby’s head again. William seemed pleased with the gesture as well as he gave them a toothless, gummy smile. 

“I’ll bring dinner tonight. I probably will be back before that. Do you want me to grab him from your mom’s?” 

“No, it’s okay. I’ll pick him up on my way home.” She kissed William’s head before handing him to Mulder so she could finish getting things ready for the day. “Besides, Bill’s flying in this afternoon for the weekend, so I’ll see him when I go to mom’s.” She said it so nonchalantly as she passed him to the kitchen. He groaned, a visit from big brother Bill was the last thing he wanted. 

“Thanks for the warning, Scully.” 

“Mulder, you can’t hide from him forever. You two will need to sort out your differences. You are William’s father, he needs to accept that.” He leaned into her personal space again, baby in tow. 

“Is that all I am, Scully?” He wagged his eyebrows at her, a leering grin present on his face. William found the gesture hysterical. She attempted to suppress the smile appearing on her lips, the color rising to her cheeks betraying her. 

“That’s all he needs to know.” She turned away from him. “For now.” She mumbled under her breath, causing the smile to spread on both of their faces. 

Mulder dropped his box next to his couch, plopping down on the worn leather. He glanced around at his familiar surroundings, suddenly feeling far away from home. The dark furniture that decorated his living space felt foreign, like this was something of his past and he didn’t belong here anymore. He knew where he belonged, with his family. Scully’s apartment felt like home, their son’s toys scattered all over the floor. Eventually, if he was ever that fortunate again, he’d want to move them into a bigger space. He had his doubts on where her head was at, but she accepted him. After their kiss, he felt more secure, though still confused by her abrupt disconnect. They had a lot to talk about, but there was more semblance of confidence moving forward. 

He was only alone in the silence for an hour before he was driving himself crazy. It’s a good thing he wasn’t planning on being unemployed for long. He organized his notes with his files, threw his laundry into a trash bag, fed the fish, and made his way home. 

A heavy, relieved breath escaped his lips as he opened the door to Scully’s apartment. He stopped at the store to pick up things for dinner. He wasn’t able to cook much, but he could make spaghetti and salad with the best of them. A groan escaped as he remembered that at some point he would have to face Bill this weekend. Scully mentioned something about dinner Saturday, he answered with a noncommittal shrug. 

“Uh, hello?” He answered her phone cautiously. 

“Hello, I’m looking for Margaret Scully.” 

“Oh, this is her daughter’s phone.” 

“This is Dana’s home phone? Sorry, I must have mixed up the numbers.” The woman sounded flustered, a gut feeling sinking in his stomach with the familiarity of Scully’s first name. 

“Is something wrong?” 

“I - Are you family?” That question, the one he knew only came from hospital personnel when they had bad news. 

“Yes.” He choked out, hoping she would relent given that he was answering her home phone. 

“I’m Natalie, one of the nurses as Georgetown. Dana’s doing very well, she had a blunt force trauma to the back of her head. She only needed a few stitches, and she will have a nasty concussion, but she’s okay. Her mother was her emergency contact, are you able to reach her?” His heart dropped as soon as he heard the word ‘blunt force trauma.’ What the hell was she doing? She only said she had meetings in the morning and autopsy in the afternoon. 

“I’ll contact her mother. I’ll be there soon. What room?” He took down the information, hanging his head in sorrow. She was supposed to be safe. He left a voicemail for Maggie, letting her know it’s nothing serious and he would be there soon, and would call with any updates. Switching his laundry to the dryer, he threw on something semi-clean and flew out the door. 

He hated being in the hospital, even more so when it was Scully laying in their bed. He opened her door slowly, careful to not make too much noise in case she was resting. There was a doctor standing by her bedside, smiling down at her as she returned the gesture. It caused his heart to ache, seeing her so at ease with this stranger beside her. It occurred to him that he had missed a year of her life, he knew nothing more about her than what was inside her apartment. His heart sank even further. 

She noticed him standing there the minute she heard his footsteps stop just outside her door. The awareness she had to his presence not lost over the year that they were apart. Dave was rambling on and on about how she was the best patient he’s ever had. She was exhausted and wanted nothing more than him to leave, but he was a friend from med school, and she felt wrong just dismissing him when he was only trying to help. Her fake smile fell from her face as she saw Mulder hanging his head at the sight of Dave by her side. She wanted to roll her eyes at his insecurity, knowing she would suffer the pain of the action with a headache. 

“Mulder?” She feigned question, as if she didn’t know the minute he stepped into the hospital, or was surprised to see him here. He stepped forward, eyeing Dave as he approached closer. 

“Dave, this is Fox Mulder.” He shook his hand, both of them straightening their shoulders. The eyeroll came that time. 

“Nice to meet you. This one’s a trooper.” He nudged Scully’s arm, causing her to smile slightly. “I’m releasing you, just make sure you have someone to watch you for the first 24 hours. I’m putting you off work for the remainder of the week, so you have a few extra days of rest with the weekend. Call me if any headaches get worse, or - well, you know the symptoms to call.” He smiled warmly at her. “I’ll be right back with your paperwork.” 

“Thank you.” She watched Mulder’s face carefully, the worry in his eyes. Head wounds bleed a lot, that much he knew, but there was so much blood. 

“Scully, what the hell happened?” He practically fell into the seat beside her, finally catching his breath. 

“I was requested to do another autopsy from Quantico. I was already here, so it was convenient that the body was, too. I don’t really know. I was in the middle of it, recording my notes, and the next thing I know I’m on the ground with a splitting headache.” 

“Someone hit you?” He asked through gritted teeth. She reached out for his hand, grasping onto it reassuringly. 

“I’m fine. The case went through Quantico because it was a rape and murder, the accused happened to be a high ranking military officer’s son. Some of his friends tried to break in and botch the evidence. They caught them before they could even get out of the building.” 

“There’s so much blood, Scully. I didn’t even think to bring you a change of clothes, I -” He was rambling. The force of her hand stopped him. 

“I’m okay, really.” She smiled at him reassuringly. “They called you?” The sudden question in her mind. She had changed her emergency contact to Maggie, the guilt building unnecessarily in her stomach. 

“No, they called your home phone on accident.” Now she was even more confused, he said he’d be out all day. As if reading her thoughts, he shrugged, a sheepish grin on his lips. “I got bored, so I brought my laundry to your place.” She smiled at him, biting her lip at the small, domestic chores that he felt comfortable doing in her home. “I do need to call your mother though, I only left her a message.” 

“She’s probably picking up Bill at the airport, we can call her on the way home.” She began to sit up, attempting to leave. As she stood, she swayed, Mulder right there to catch her. He felt her relax against him, allowing her weight to be carried by the comfort of his arms. 

“Careful.” He scolded, no real warning behind his tone. He was more worried than anything. 

“You need to take it easy, Dana.” Dave joined in as he brought her the release papers. “I asked the lab assistant to bring you your clothes. I figured you’d want to change.” 

“Thank you. I promise, I’ll be good.” She smiled her assurance as her body fell heavier against Mulder’s support. Dave could see that he clearly wasn’t needed anymore, giving a few more home care instructions, and making his exit. 

“Don’t think I’m letting you do anything for the next few days.” Mulder mumbled into her hair as he kissed just outside where her wound was. He could see the stitches, the dried blood in her hair. He winced at the sight, knowing she was okay didn’t help the image of the trauma. She turned, attempting to raise her eyebrow in challenge. If anyone hated being confined to bedrest more than Mulder, it was her. “I need to earn my keep, remember?” 

“I thought that meant taking advantage of your body?” She teased back, causing a smile to spread on his face. 

“I’ll take a raincheck on that.” He kissed her forehead before sitting her on the end of the hospital bed. 

“Dr. Scully? I picked up your clothes from the locker room.” The assistant looked horrified, her eyes wide. 

“Thank you, Leanne.” Scully could sense what else was running through her scared assistant’s mind. She was the one who found her on the floor and immediately called for help. Scully had some sense of mind to ask her to call a lockdown on the hospital as well. The look on Leanne’s face was one she’d seen on Mulder’s too many times over the years. “Leanne, thank you for calling for help. You did a good job.” She smiled at the frightened, young girl and she simply nodded in return and left. 

“Let me help you.” Mulder watched her struggle to take off her scrubs, exhaustion hitting her quickly as her energy level decreased. Her arms hung at her side as she huffed a resigned sigh. 

He took of her shoes, her scrub bottoms next. Luckily, the material was stretchy and easy to maneuver off. She felt like a child as he carefully lifted the top over her head. It would have been more intimate if he wasn’t going about his tasks with the same concentration as when he was trying to finish a profile. He picked up her clothes from the end of the bed, holding her pantyhose up with a questionable look. She chuckled, shaking her head, signaling that she was going to forgo the struggle. 

“Just the skirt, and my top.” He nodded, bringing the two garments in front of him. He watched her routine this morning, knowing it was a process. She could see the puzzlement on his face, trying to figure out how to put the skirt on and tuck in the shirt. “I think I’ll just keep it untucked for now.” She smiled as his features relaxed with relief. 

He helped her to her feet as she grounded herself. Her hands rested on his arms as she stepped into her skirt. He did everything in his power to not notice the close proximity of his face to her chest as he leaned down to help bring her skirt up in place. He was imagining flukeworms, vampires, anything. He needed to think about anything else to control the stirring in his groin. 

She was watching him, seeing his eyes divert every time he leaned down to help with her skirt. His hand slipped once, having to repeat the motions to pull it up her body. She noticed the change in his breathing, seeing him trying to put his thoughts at bay. It caused mixed emotions in her. She wanted him to look at her that way again, with hunger and longing in his eyes. Now was not the time, nor place, but that didn’t cause the want to diminish. He finished pulling her skirt up, holding the shirt as she put both arms in. She buttoned the blouse herself as he discarded the bloody scrubs. He was busying himself to avoid looking at her sexually when he was supposed to be taking care of her. That’s what he was here for, he thought. The look in her eyes was confusing as she met his when she finished buttoning her shirt. They stood before each other closely, locked in a gaze. She reached up to meet his lips with hers, a small kiss of gratitude and promise. 

“Thank you, for being here.” He smiled down at her, nodding as the color rose slightly on his cheeks. It was all the reassurance he needed.

* * *

“Alright, go change. You’re confined to bed until further notice.” She pouted at him, glaring at his instructions. Her shoulders fell, he was right. She didn’t have enough energy to even protest. “The doctor said you’re okay to sleep, but I need to check on you periodically.” She nodded, both loving and hating his coddling. “Do you need help changing?” 

“No, I’ll be okay.” The look of reluctance passed over his face. She kissed him on the cheek, bringing him back to their surroundings. “I’ll call you when I need you.” 

He busied himself in the kitchen, leaving his dinner preparations on the table. At least the perishables made it to the fridge, he wasn’t completely hopeless. He might have to wait for another time to cook it, she didn’t have much of an appetite. The knock on the door startled him, a heavy sigh escaping his lips. They had called Maggie on the way home, she was just getting back from the airport herself, and hadn’t received his original message. Scully assured her that she was fine, just a little banged up. She told her to let Bill get settled and not to bother to hurry. Apparently, Maggie took directions as well as Scully did. 

“Fox, what happened?” She asked worriedly as she made her way inside, the baby in his carrier. He took William from her, allowing her to put the baby bag near the couch. Bill followed inside, his eyes glaring in Mulder’s direction. He didn’t seem too surprised to see him there, so he must have been somewhat filled in on the way. 

“She was attacked at the hospital. Some punk kids tried to botch evidence while she was doing an autopsy, and knocked her out in the process.” He explained carefully. She looked horrified, but felt herself relax at his reassurance. 

“Where is she?” 

“Resting, she’s okay to sleep, we just need to check on her every 15 minutes or so.” She nodded, excusing herself to visit with her daughter. Mulder was silently pleading to his son to wake up at this moment so he could busy himself and avoid Bill. No such luck, their child slept like his mother. 

“Thanks for getting her home, we’ve got it from here.” Bill’s voice growled from behind him as he transferred William from the carrier to the bassinet. Come on kid, wake up. 

“I’m not leaving. She needs 24 hour care, I offered to stay with her. Doctor’s orders.” He kept his responses minimal and as neutral as possible through gritted teeth. 

“She can come stay with us at mom’s then.” 

“It’s not good to move her around so much. Plus, she’s more comfortable here in her own bed.” He silently dismissed himself to move to the kitchen. He thought about prepping dinner, needing something to do to preoccupy his mind. 

“Why are you even here? What, your guilty conscience finally caught up with you for abandoning her when she was pregnant?” Mulder’s shoulders slumped, so he didn’t know the whole truth. He didn’t want to damage Scully’s reputation in her family’s eyes, so he accepted the accusation. 

“I’m here because they are my family.” He left it at that, attempting to move past Bill back to the living room. He didn’t get very far before the fist connected with his jaw. It sent him staggering for a moment, the taste of blood on his lips. He would not hit him. Not with Maggie and Scully in the other room. Not with William resting peacefully in his crib. They didn’t need this right now. He did what he could to contain his anger, grabbing his jacket and storming out the front door. 

He walked around the park near her apartment. He needed to cool down, the anger and shame building and mixing inside of him. The punch was long deserved, he’s surprised Scully didn’t shoot him the first time she saw him again. He was an ass, which was what ultimately led to her leaving. There were a million apologies that he owed her, but he was here now, and she had accepted him. It’s not to say he wouldn’t screw something up in the future, but he really was trying. His mind was bouncing around sporadically, startling at the sound of his cell phone stuffed in his jacket pocket. 

“Mulder.” 

“Where are you?” Her voice was concerned, though there was a hint of anger in her tone. He imagined that that was more directed towards her brother. Well, he hoped. 

“I just needed to get some air.” 

“Please come back.” She felt something was wrong the minute he left. She didn’t know if it was the slam of the door or the distance he created when he left, but she jolted awake. The sudden action made her nauseous, Maggie hurrying back in from calming Bill in the living room. 

“I will.” He let out a heavy sigh. He couldn’t refuse her, couldn’t hide away. She was right, he and Bill would have to sort out their differences. Mulder just hoped that would happen in a more civil manner. 

“Now?” 

“You’re supposed to be resting.” He tried to lighten the mood, his tone lighter, teasing. 

“I knew you were gone. I can’t rest if you’re not here.” Her confession caused him to falter, he could sense the color rising to her cheeks over the phone. The medication, mixed with fatigue, was about to make things rather interesting. 

“I’m on my way back.” He could feel her smile through the phone, satisfied with his response. 

He pushed the door open slowly, anxious about what might be awaiting him. Maggie could see his head poking through, smiling at his nervousness. 

“It’s okay, Fox. I sent Bill for some food.” He nodded silently, that was probably the better idea for tonight. “Let me get you some ice for your lip.” He brought his hand to his face, he didn’t realize how bad it probably looked. 

“I’m sorry.” Scully’s voice was small as she made her way from her bedroom, seeing him sitting there with a busted lip, dried blood on his mouth. 

“It’s not your fault, Scully. There’s nothing to be sorry for.” He gestured for her to come sit beside him on the couch. She cuddled into his side, resting her head on his shoulder. Maggie brought in an ice pack and a wet cloth. She handed both to Scully, leaving her to administer his aid. “I’m supposed to be taking care of you.” 

“This feels more normal.” She teased back, causing a mock glare at her. He could hear muffled chuckles coming from beside him. He rolled his eyes as he gave in to her ministrations. 

“Fox -” Maggie began, he could hear the apology on her lips by the tone of her voice. He held up a hand, dismissing it. 

“It’s okay. I’m sure it’s been a long time coming, and I can’t say there wasn’t some justification behind it.” He tried to ease the room. He could tell they both had sympathy in their eyes, but he felt undeserving of it. 

“He still shouldn’t have hit you.” Scully’s voice was small, a nod from Maggie in agreeance. He shrugged, finally pushing away her aiding hand. She held them up in surrender, instructing him to at least hold the ice to his jaw for a few more minutes. 

“We just ordered pizza for tonight, figured it was easiest with all the events of today.” Maggie said, making her way into the kitchen to give them time alone. 

“Did you sleep any?” He asked, craning his head to see her eyes closed as she rested against him. 

“Some.” She yawned. 

“You should be resting.” 

“I will. I should probably eat something before I do though, so I can take my medication again. It’s just the fatigue from the concussion.” She snuggled in closer, her body getting heavier against him. He knew she’d be knocked out soon, but he would wake her to eat in a while. 

The baby began to wake and fuss, Mulder immediately going to grab him before feeling Scully’s weight against him. Maggie came from the kitchen, silently gesturing for him to stay while she attended to the baby. He was thankful for the assistance, she saw the relief pass over his face. 

“Do you need me to take him tomorrow, too?” She was whispering, but she knew her daughter could most likely sleep through a nuclear bomb. 

“No, we’ll manage. I’m not working for the rest of the week, so I’ll be here.” She smiled at him, glad he was around. Looking at how peaceful her daughter was resting against him, she knew this was exactly what they needed. 

“Okay. Let me know if you need anything. I’ll be with Bill all day, but we’ll be in the area.” He nodded his thanks, settling back into the cushions. 

Bill finally made his way back to her apartment, having a few moments to cool off. His mother had ripped him a new one, then sent him for food that could have very well been delivered. He was mad that they were, once again, taking his side on this. He knew if Scully were awake and had the energy, she would have done to him what he did to Mulder. She was tiny, but he knew she packed a good right hook. He had to control the sudden rage that built inside him again, seeing Mulder sitting on the couch, his sister cuddled up to his side. It looked like he just belonged here. How could she just forgive him, after everything he’s done? 

“Food’s here.” He grumbled, dropping the boxes on the coffee table and taking the chair farthest from Mulder. Maggie shot him a threatening look, warning him to behave. 

They all ate in silence, not knowing what to discuss. Scully had only give her mother and Bill the generic statement of what happened, the details weren’t important. Bill was still in the dark as to how Mulder was even here again. Maggie had only said that he was back and helping Dana with William. They were working through what happened between them, and that’s what was important. 

Scully was only able to eat a small slice before the wave of exhaustion washed over her again. Mulder felt her slump against him, waking her just enough to help her to her feet. He began leading her to the bedroom before he was stopped by Bill standing in front of them. She glanced back at Mulder, pleading with her eyes to remain calm. He felt her squeeze his hand and nod that it was okay. She needed to talk to Bill anyway. 

“Dana, mom and I can stay here with you.” He tried to keep his voice calm, keep the disdain for her partner subtle. By the glare she shot him, he knew he didn’t succeed. She settled into the bed, her lips tight as she chose her words carefully. 

“Bill, I don’t need you to like Mulder, but I need you to at least be civil. He is Will’s father, he’s not going anywhere.” She was definitive in her words. 

“How can you just forgive him? He left you and couldn’t even take responsibility for his child! You’re just going to let him back in here and pretend like nothing ever happened?” 

“He didn’t leave, I left.” 

“And with good reason.” He scoffed, her anger rising. 

“Would you shut up for once and let me finish?” She hissed, causing him to close his mouth and nod. He always complained to their mother about how she never told him anything anymore since almost everything involved Mulder, and he didn’t want to hear it. Well, now was his chance. “He didn’t know, about the baby. I walked away before I found out I was pregnant, and was too scared to tell him. I thought I could do this on my own, but I look at the way he is with William, and it breaks my heart every time that I took that away from him as long as I did, as long as I intended to. He ran into mom one day, and she had the baby with her. We were supposed to meet for lunch. The look in his eyes was filled with so much pain, it’s my fault that he wasn’t around.” Her confession took the last bit of energy she had, not wanting to meet her brother’s eyes. He was very focused on family, it was the most important thing to him besides work. She scoffed, maybe him and Mulder weren’t so different after all. 

“Maybe he should have stayed away. The minute he’s back in your life you end up in the hospital, again.” He spat at her, not sure what he was feeling. He almost felt sympathy for the sorry son of a bitch, he couldn’t imagine not knowing about his own child. That emotion was immediately gone, seeing his sister with a bandage on the back of her head. 

“He had nothing to do with what happened to me!” She shouted back. It was a small apartment, not doubt Maggie and Mulder could hear everything being exchanged. “I was attacked while I was working in the morgue, doing an autopsy. You know, going back to medicine, isn’t that what you always wanted? Does it look like I’m any safer to you than I was at the bureau? Is this what you were hoping for?” She was on a roll, completely controlled by the adrenaline of her rage. 

Bill had nothing to say, he couldn’t dispute the truth she was telling him. He knew that Mulder was nowhere near this, but he needed to put the blame on someone. It didn’t erase the fact that with him around, bad things tended to happen to his family. 

“I just don’t understand how you’re going to forgive him for everything.” He bit back, venom in his words. He completely dismissed her reasoning, going back to the ultimate issue here, he still hated the guy. It occurred to him that his hatred and anger was masked by fear of the truth. His eyes widened, finally understanding why Mulder being back rubbed him the wrong way in every part of his body. “Oh god, you love him.” 

His voice was just a whisper, desperately unbelieving of his own words. He shook the thought from his head. Of course, that’s what made the most sense. If she loved the bastard, that meant he was never going to get rid of him. He’d be there at every holiday gathering and birthday dinner. He’d have to see him in a normal setting, forced to make nice. He couldn’t do that. Bill couldn’t let him bring whatever little green men he was investigating that day into the home that he shared with his sister and her son. 

“So what if I do?” She shouted back a little more forcefully than intended. That one slipped, damn the pain meds. 

“Dana, the type of work he does isn’t something you should want in your home, around your son.” He scolded, watching her roll her eyes and try to suppress the grin touching her lips. He knew that look. The know it all, smug smile that appeared on her face when she won whatever argument they were having. The way her eyes sparkled with the final secret that would close whatever case he was attempting to make. He could feel the loss already. 

“He resigned from the bureau, from the x-files. He begins teaching at the university next week.” She gave him an innocent smile. Check. Mate. He glared at her, beginning to go on another tirade before Maggie snuck her head in. 

“Bill, I think it’s time we head home, Dana needs to rest.” There was a firmness in her voice that left no room for argument. He nearly threw a tantrum right then and there. 

“We’ll be back tomorrow.” He growled at her before storming out of her room and through the front door. 

“I’ll call and see how you’re doing, but I know you need your rest.” Maggie assured her. Dana didn’t need the stress of Bill on top of a concussion. She needed at least a day to knock some sense into her son. “I put the leftovers in the fridge. Fox is giving the baby a bath, just yell if you need him.” She kissed her daughter’s forehead. “You know, Dana. I think you and Fox need to talk about your relationship. He seemed pretty shocked about your confession.” 

Scully groaned, sinking further down in the covers, hoping they would consume her in their darkness and comfort. She knew that they were at an impasse in their personal relationship, and didn’t know if she was ready for that talk. He had been so tender and caring with her at the hospital, a gentleman as he undressed and redressed her. The words were not false, she just didn’t know if she could say them out loud. 

“I’ll let you sleep. We’ll see you both on Saturday for dinner.” Before Scully could say anything else, she was gone. Her mother must have somehow guilted Mulder into agreeing for them. Not that she blamed him, when Maggie Scully offered you dinner, you did not refuse. 

She laid back against the pillows, restless with her thoughts. There was a conversation to have, but it felt almost adolescent to have the ‘what are we’ talk with Mulder. They shared a son, years of their lives together. The distance didn’t break what they’ve always had, never having the courage to explore more between them. 

“You’re still awake.” He was pleasantly surprised, though suddenly nervous. She nodded as he laid the baby in his crib. He realized that there was the question of what they should do now. He was supposed to monitor her throughout the night, the mechanics of how that would work configuring in his mind. He could sleep on the couch, getting up every so often to check on her. 

“You could sleep in here tonight, it’ll just be easier.” She shrugged nonchalantly, the thought make her feel warm and comforted inside. He wasn’t as startled at her suggestion as he was at her ability to read his thoughts. He smiled, there really shouldn’t have been any surprise there. 

“Let me finish cleaning up and I’ll get ready for bed.” She nodded, relaxing even further. 

After he locked everything, and got himself changed, he made his way nervously to her room. Thankfully he brought his laundry here to finish, so he wasn’t offending in her soft, clean sheets. He liked her bed, though he found sharing it with her something he never thought would happen. At least not in the domesticated sense. He halted his thoughts, that’s not what this was. He was just responsible for watching for any complications, that was what he offered. Her confession ringing through his ears as his hand reached her door. ‘So what if I do?’ She didn’t deny it, also not admitting to Bill’s accusation. ‘You’re in love with him.’ It occurred to him as he sat there completely still across from Maggie that maybe she was just goading her brother, pushing all the right buttons to piss him off. That would sure do it. Maggie’s conversation with her that followed only confused him more. Clearly she knew something that he did not. 

“How are you feeling?” He asked as he moved cautiously to the other side of the bed. 

“Exhausted.” She said with a huff, eyeing him as he moved slowly under the covers. He laid completely still, turning off the lamp light next to him. “I won’t bite, Mulder.” 

“I just didn’t want to invade your space. You need your rest.” 

“I also don’t take up the entire bed. I might have when I was pregnant, but I like to think I lost most of the baby weight.” She was teasing him, he realized. A smile spread on his face as he scooted closer to her. 

“You look great, Scully.” She chuckled, resting her head on his shoulder. 

“Good answer.” 

It was quiet between them, both letting the events of the day catch up with them. He turned and kissed her temple, relieved that she really was okay and home, safe. She sighed into his touch, inching closer so that her body was now resting directly next to his. They were even sharing a pillow. He wasn’t quite facing her yet, but he could feel her watching him. 

“Mulder -” Her voice was wary, unsure of where her confession left them. Mind clouded with exhaustion and emotion, he turned and kissed her without much thought. With just his name escaping her lips, he heard every question she was asking. 

Where does this leave us, do you love me, too? She should have known the answer to that after their first case together, if he was being honest with himself. He felt her shift so that she was laying more fully under him as he turned to cover her body with his own. She was warm, and soft, and felt like home. If he could stay here forever, he’d die a happy man. Her tongue barely grazed his lower lip, a deep moan coming from the back of his throat as he buried her more beneath the weight of his body. The thought that this was too much and he was crushing her was quickly diminished by the response of her tongue in his mouth. The twitch in his groin caused him to pull back reluctantly. 

“I think we need to stop. For now.” He panted, almost throwing any good judgement out the window by the arousal in her eyes. 

She understood what he was saying, she couldn’t handle much more until she was better. Her head was already swimming with the sensations. By the hardness pressing into her leg, he probably needed to stop for his own reasons. She licked her lips, nodding a she attempted to move from beneath him. He shook his head, leaning down for one more chaste kiss before scooting to the side of her and turning her to face away from him. He cuddled her small frame into the groove of his own body, bringing her back to be flush against his chest. He rested his head just behind hers, placing another kiss on the area surrounding her wound. She smiled, settling in comfortably against him as she succumbed to sleep. 

“So you love me, huh?” He whispered in her ear, her body stiffening slightly. His arms tightened around her as he buried his face in her hair. She smiled, knowing that she had nothing to fear. 

“Shut up, Mulder.” 


	7. Chapter 7

Mulder woke to a warmth against his neck, feeling as if feathers were tickling his face. The noise that subconsciously woke him began to grow, a groan coming from beside him. He froze, taking a moment to remember where he was. Scully, everything around him smelled like Scully. He realized that she had cuddled into the crook of his neck at some point in the night, smiling as he glanced down to see a mess of red hair sprawled across his chest and shoulder. William’s small whimpers were becoming full blown protests, causing her to groan again and bury her face into him further. 

“I got him.” He kissed the top of her head, moving out of their embrace to tend to the baby. A small whimper escaped her lips at the loss of contact and he nearly rolled his eyes, he could only tend to one of them at a time. A smile spread on his face, knowing she was completely comfortable in his arms. 

“Good morning, sunshine.” He teased as she finally made her way to the living room a good hour after William had been fed and changed. Her hair was disheveled, eyes still half-closed with slumber. 

“Did you make coffee?” She asked with a yawn, a small pout on her lips as she couldn’t smell anything freshly brewed. 

“Not yet, but I can.” He handed her the baby as she settled on the couch. A free hand came out to grasp onto his before he could get away. She yanked with little force, just enough to signal that she wanted him to come closer. Leaning forward as he leaned in, she placed a chaste kiss on his lips. 

“Good morning.” Her voice was still husky with sleep, her sleepy eyes had a gleam in them that he definitely could get used to. He smiled, another small kiss before retreating to make coffee. 

“Do you want me to make something to eat, too?” He yelled from the kitchen. 

“You’re offering to cook?” He didn’t have to turn to see the eyebrow raised in suspicion. The apprehension was on good authority, given the last time she went through his fridge, there wasn’t much that could be considered appetizing. 

“Just because I don’t cook, doesn’t mean I can’t.” He narrowed his eyes as he brought the coffee to her, making it just the way she liked it. 

“Mulder, you keep unfolding like a flower.” She teased, the cup coming to her lips to hide her smirk. 

“I’ll just have you know, I had every intention of cooking dinner last night. Someone had to go and end up in the hospital.” 

“Dinner? Have you actually been researching what it’s like to be a kept man?” Her eyebrow rose higher, causing the mock glare to be shot in her direction. 

“I can boil noodles with the best of them. Bachelor Life 101.” He grinned triumphantly, ignoring her snickers as he made his way to the kitchen to see what he had to work with. 

After cooking what he would deem an edible omelette and a cup of fruit, he returned to the living room. She thanked him with her eyes as she took a bite. There was something rather intriguing about this Mulder, she was excited to see more of what he had to offer. 

“Hello?” She answered the phone as he handed it to her, taking the baby so she could eat. “Good morning, mom.” Her eyes met his, several questions passing wordlessly between them. “I’m doing better, my headache is practically gone. Yes, I slept great.” He saw the smirk reach her lips before she suppressed it behind her coffee mug. “No, I don’t think that’s a good idea.” 

Bill. No doubt her mother had mentioned something about Bill. There was an apologetic look in her eyes, but not enough to mask the raw anger that was still on the surface. “Yes, I’ll let you know how I feel tomorrow, but I should be able to make it for dinner.” 

After she disconnected the call, he waited for her to bring up the conversation. He wouldn’t ask if she wasn’t going to offer. There was still a strong feeling that he was intruding on her life, like he wasn’t as welcome as he thought. Bill made that quite clear yesterday, though he couldn’t completely blame him. Everything about their situation looked bad if the details were missing, and she hadn’t mentioned the specifics to anyone, not even her mother. 

“We’re still invited to dinner tomorrow, but I told her it would probably be best if they didn’t stop by today.” She explained slowly. “I don’t know if that will keep Bill away, but I made it pretty obvious that he wasn’t welcome back if he can’t behave himself.” 

“I can leave, if you want to have time with your family.” 

She began to open her mouth, tell him that he was her family, too. They had so many things left unsaid between them, time lost that they needed to make up for. She didn’t expect them to just pick up where they left off, she couldn’t even tell where that was. The only time they had been together was following a near death situation, and she didn’t know where that left them now. He had seemed more than interested last night, but the circumstances were similar. 

“No, I want you here.” He smiled sheepishly at her, nodding at her implication. If he were truly hopeful, she meant permanently.

* * *

They spent the day tidying up around her apartment, her making space for his things in her drawers. The action caused him to pause, asking her silently what this meant. She simply shrugged, walking away from the opened, half-empty drawer. The implication was clear, it was up to him to accept that final step. 

“Lunch?” He asked as he walked back from the kitchen, drying his hand with a towel after doing the dishes. She took in the scene, domesticated Mulder was rather a turn on. He knew her thoughts by the gleam of arousal in her eyes. 

“I could eat.” William babbled a response as well, sitting in her lap, happily playing with the toys scattered on the couch in front of them. 

Before Mulder could respond, there was a knock at the door. Both of them looked at each other, wary of who their company may be. Scully knew that not even her mother could hold Bill back when he was in a rage. She could control him, sure, but only to an extent. She shrugged, nodding for him to open the door. 

“Skinner.” Mulder moved aside to allow him entry. Scully suddenly felt embarrassed, lounging around in sweats and one of Mulder’s shirts while they cleaned. She excused herself to change while Mulder offered him something to drink. Skinner observed these two, shaking his head, both believing and disbelieving that his two menace agents were now shacked up, playing house. 

“What can we do for you?” Mulder gestured for him to have a seat, taking his own on the couch as he scooped up William from the floor. 

“I received a call today, for both of you, from someone who you’ve assisted on an x-file.” 

“They’re requesting us?” Scully asked, presenting herself in jeans and a modest sweater. 

“Yes, in a sense. They called the office number, but it was redirected to me since the unit is closed. He explained to me that there’s been similar occurrences happening to him and his family. Do you both remember a Billy Miles?” Mulder and Scully both looked at each other, wide-eyed. A slight nod of their heads signaled for him to continue. “He’s requesting that you two meet him in Bellefleur, Oregon again. I explained to him that neither of you work directly with the bureau anymore, but I would reach out and pass on the message.” 

“I see.” Scully’s voice was tight, Mulder could hear the worry in her words. 

“I wanted to bring it to you personally, I’ll leave you with his information. Please let me know if it’s something you plan to investigate, I can arrange for it to be considered a consult.” Mulder nodded, thanking him for the message. Skinner could feel the tense air, excusing himself back to work. 

Mulder’s head rested on the door after closing, a heavy sigh escaping his lips as his eyes closed. The fierce glare was being burned into his back, he could feel it without needing to turn. She was worried, scared. He didn’t have a reassuring answer for her. 

“Are you going to go?” Her words were sharp, holding the baby close to her as he tried to wiggle away. 

“He requested both of us.” 

“Well I’m not going, so my question still stands.” 

“Scully, I can’t just ignore this. We both know what we experienced in Oregon all those years ago. If it’s happening again, it could mean that the answers are closer than ever.” 

“Right.” She clipped, gathering William and making her way to the bedroom. He let out a frustrated groan, giving her a minute to collect her thoughts before making his way in there. 

She didn’t understand the importance that this could mean for him, for them. He may have put a hold on his quest, but that didn’t stop his mind from asking the questions and seeking the truth. 

William played happily on the large bed as she paced the floor. Skinner had no idea what he was doing, bringing this to them. They didn’t even work for the bureau anymore, it should have been sent to someone else. She huffed, already know Mulder was most likely out in the living room, booking the first flight to Oregon. There was nothing she could say or do that would keep him here, she knew that. This moment’s notice disappearance whenever he was on the trail of a lead was what she had feared. The answers about Samantha weren’t out in Bellefleur, Oregon. They both knew that. Unless he planned to hitch a ride on a UFO, he wasn’t going to fulfill his quest. She stopped, gripping onto her bed for support. She only hoped it never came to that. 

The door opened slowly, he could see her sitting on the edge of the bed, staring at the wall. Her hands were intertwined, bound tightly together. William seemed oblivious to the tension around him, lying happily beside her. 

“Scully.” 

“You’re going.” Her answer was low, in a voice that worried him. She didn’t even need to glance his way to know the guilt that was already building in him. He let out a heavy sigh, running his hands through his hair. 

“He requested me.” 

“That doesn’t mean you have to go! You promised, Mulder. You are not obligated to the FBI anymore, that’s not your job. Let someone else investigate it.” She stood with the force of her words. Her anger masking her weariness and fatigue. 

“Scully, you’re not the least bit curious? You were there with me, you know what we experienced, what we saw. You know there’s activity there, and it’s happening again.” 

“I don’t care!” She shouted at him, stepping back as he tried to reach out to her. William was startled by the outburst, a cry wailing from his tiny form. She picked him up, cradling him to her chest. “I just don’t care anymore, Mulder. There’s more important things to think about, and I’ve already had to make those sacrifices.” She whispered as she buried her face into the baby’s head and walked past him out to the living room. 

It was a lot harder to avoid each other when he was in one room, and she was in the other. She could hear him shuffling around, no doubt packing his things. His words were mumbled, she couldn’t make out who he was speaking to, and she didn’t particularly care at the moment. Throwing items haphazardly into the diaper bag, she changed William, and rushed to beat him out the door. If he was going to walk away from them, she couldn’t bear to watch. 

She moved her car from her regular parking space, blending in on the street just far enough to be able to see his car. He came running from the building not 5 minutes after she left, his clothes disheveled, as if he were in the middle of changing. He wasn’t even wearing socks on his bare feet. He glanced around frantically, the fear in his eyes, she could see that from where she parked. As soon as he noticed her car gone, his head dropped to be cradled in his hands. The tears falling from his eyes matched her own.

She made her way to her mother’s house in a daze, knowing it would do more damage than good, but she needed somewhere to escape to. Her car sat idle in the driveway for a while before she gained the courage to face the wrath of her brother. It wasn’t until William began to protest his restraints that she let out a heavy sigh. Not knowing Mulder’s itinerary made it harder for her to go back to her apartment, so she waited out the day until she deemed it safe to return. 

“Dana, I didn’t know you were coming over today.” Her mother welcomed her, a questioning tone to her greeting. “Is Fox with you?” Maggie looked past her daughter at the empty car. 

Scully’s eyes welled with unshed tears, her lower lip trembling. She handed William to her mother before bolting to the bathroom, ignoring the questioning look of Bill as he came down the stairs. 

“What the hell did he do now?” He asked his mother through gritted teeth. 

“It’s not any of our business. I don’t know what happened, but we are both going to be here to support her. Understood?” Maggie’s voice was sharp, leaving no room for argument. Bill gave a short nod, the anger still raging in his eyes. 

Scully slumped to the floor of her mother’s bathroom, her knees pulled to her chest as she sobbed into her arms. She always knew there was a prospect of him leaving, of him not able to live this simple life, to sacrifice his entire quest for her, for their son. She wasn’t asking him to walk away completely, she just didn’t want to have that worry that one day he was going to chase the right light in the sky, and never return. She was always wary of letting him back into their lives, the thought that she could be so completely consumed by him caused the fear of losing him to rise. There was a deep love for him that she knew she could never replace, and she couldn’t fathom him being gone on some lead for months at a time. 

Whenever he found himself on these truth seeking expeditions, she worried from afar, not sure what her place was to feel this way for him. She could never ask him to choose, so she never did. He always made his way back, even if she had to go get him herself, and drag him home. This was different. He was like a caged animal, waiting to be let out. He had given up the x-files, but that didn’t mean he would stop searching. If she allowed herself to ponder it, she didn’t want him to completely give up everything that made him Mulder. She loved the way he questioned everything, believed on a simple faith that the answer was that of unexplained phenomena. She had hoped that William would inherit some of that childish charm that made him live life slightly less strict than her own. The only fear was that he wouldn’t be as reckless. 

“Dana, sweetie?” Her mother’s voice was soft, comforting. It was the tone she reserved for when the kids were sick, or dealing with a tough time at school. She huffed a small chuckle that it still worked wonders on her. 

“I’ll be out in a minute.” She splashed water on her face, wiping the tears from her cheeks. 

“Would you like some tea?” Maggie was keeping herself busy in the kitchen as William played happily with a snack in his high chair. Scully kissed the baby’s head as she took her seat next to him at the table. 

“Sure.” 

“Do you want to talk about it?” Her mother asked, tenderly sitting across from her at the table, giving her the illusion of space. 

“I don’t know if there’s anything to talk about.” She let out a heavy sigh. It was the truth. She left without a word, and had no idea if Mulder was moping around her apartment still, or on a plane to Oregon. 

“What happened?” 

“We got into an argument about work. Skinner brought us the contact of someone we assisted on our very first case together. He requested our help again, but I didn’t think it was our problem to solve. Neither of us work on the x-files anymore, and as of yesterday, Mulder doesn’t even work for the bureau.” 

“But he left?” 

“I don’t know.” An exasperated sigh escaped her lips. “I left while he was in the bedroom, I didn’t even tell him that I was leaving. He could be on a plane, half way across the country by now.” 

“Or, he could be waiting for you to come back to your apartment.” Maggie answered gently, hoping to reassure her stubborn daughter of the situation. There was a deep rooted fear that Mulder was indeed on a plane, but she had high hopes for him. She knew that his family was important to him, even if her daughter refused to acknowledge that in her moment of sorrow. 

“I doubt it.” She scoffed, shaking off the thought. Her heart clenched, the hope that he could indeed be waiting for them to come back, never leaving their side. 

“Dana, you can’t count him out for one bad decision. I hate to break it to you, but neither of you are perfect.”

“I know, mom.” 

“His imperfections are what made you fall in love with him in the first place, you shouldn’t forget that.” Scully’s head popped up, her eyes wide as if the thought never occurred to her. There was no way she was that transparent. “It’s not like it was some secret. Honestly, you both have been denying your feelings for each other for years.” 

“I -” 

“When you were missing, and then returned, the only reason he left your side, was to search for answers. He was out of his mind, needing to find the truth of what happened to you. If he could find them by sitting next to your hospital bed, I believe he would have never left.” 

Scully’s eyes brimmed with tears again, nodding in remembrance of that time, as well as when she was in another hospital bed. Mulder was supposed to be dead, they had made the plan themselves, she helped him escape what he was being accused of just so he could find his answers. He came back, for her, risking everything to be by her side. There was a truth in her mother’s words, and her memories, that she didn’t want to see. A truth that she feared would shed light on the fact that she made the wrong decision walking away from him over a year ago. 

“I need to go home.” She stood abruptly, at a momentary loss of what to do. 

“Dana, you’re upset. You should at least relax for a bit, I was just about to get started on dinner.” Maggie pleaded, seeing the worried look in her eyes. There was no doubt that her daughter was afraid that her walking away this time had done irreparable damage. Though there was a strong feeling that nothing could truly tear these two apart. 

Scully agreed to stay for dinner, she needed to calm her nerves, her mind bouncing around sporadically. She knew she messed up this time, perhaps even more so than when she first left. It was what she did when things fell apart, she ran. She avoided the issue at hand, and she ran as far away from it as she could. It wasn’t the healthiest way to deal with any situation, but she felt it worked for her, until she ran from Mulder. It nearly tore her heart to shreds, until she found out she was pregnant. After the shock wore off, she found joy in knowing that a part of him would always be with her. A larger need of wanting to share it with him consumed her mind for those long, lonely months. 

His cell went straight to voicemail, her stomach clenching as she heard her own voice recording on her apartment phone. Where the hell was he?

“Skinner.” 

“Sir, it’s Scully.” 

“Scully, were you calling for travel arrangements?” 

“No -” Her brow furrowed. “Mulder hasn’t called you, has he?” 

“I haven’t heard from him, that’s why I assumed you were calling to accept the investigation. What’s going on?” She let out a heavy sigh, her fear now amplified. What would Mulder do if he felt like he lost everything? 

“I don’t know. I assumed he was on his way to Oregon. I haven’t spoken to him, and he’s not answering any of his phones.” 

“Do you think he would have just gone on his own?” 

“It’s possible.” She’d been ditched enough times to know. He might not want to make it an official investigation. 

“Well I’ll let you know if I hear from him.” 

“Thank you, Sir.” She hung up, hanging her head. Where the hell are you, Mulder? 

She ate dinner quickly, her brother shooting silent glares in her direction. Her mother kept the conversation light, though anyone could feel the tension in that room. Bill offered to drive her home, but she refused, just needing to be alone. 

Mulder hadn’t answered any of the times she called her apartment, his apartment, or his cell. She put in a quick call to someone she still spoke to at the bureau, asking them to check any flight manifests. His name hadn’t appeared on any flights to Oregon. 

She was exhausted by the time she walked into her apartment. She had driven by his, but there were no lights on to signal that he was there, not even the normal soft glow of the television. Not wanting to disturb the baby sleeping in the backseat, she chose against checking out the apartment for herself, finally making her way home. 

Scully changed William, laying him down for the night. He was just as exhausted as she was, feeding off her emotional energy. 

There was no chance of sleep that night, leaving her emotionally and physically exhausted the next morning. Her head was pounding, everything combined in the last few days coming to surface with a vengeance. She groaned, lifting William from his crib to satisfy his morning needs. 

“Hello?” She answered her phone before the first ring ended, hopeful that it was Mulder. 

“Dana, how are you feeling honey?” 

“I’m fine, mom. We’re just getting up.” 

“We?” 

“Me and the baby.” She sighed, knowing what her mother was asking. She had the same questions, but no answers to give. There was no idea where Mulder was. 

“I was just calling to see if you still wanted to join us for dinner.” 

“I don’t know, mom.” 

“Please, we were expecting you tonight. It’ll be nice.” 

“Yeah, okay.” She agreed, hoping to end the conversation. With a few more short answers, her mother finally let her go to sit in silence as the worry began to set in further.

* * *

After a day of finding activities to keep her mind busy, she finally made her way to her mother’s house. Her and William had been for a walk to the park, had a picnic outside, enjoyed smiling at people who passed them by. She watched as her son was fascinated by the world around him, his head high in the clouds like his father. 

“I’m so glad you decided to come.” Her mother ushered her inside, already cooing at the baby before she could make it through the door. She heard voices in the other room, glancing over at her mother with a questioning look. “We have another visitor for the weekend.” Her mother said mysteriously before grabbing William and disappearing in the kitchen. 

“Mom, who -” She paused, seeing everyone gathered in the kitchen. Her eyes nearly popped out of her head as she flung herself into the man’s arms. 

“I’ve missed you.” He whispered into her ear, hugging her tighter to him. 

“My god, it’s been way too long. What are you doing here?” Her smile was the brightest she remembered it being in a long while. 

“I was told someone needed some cheering up. I also thought it was time to visit the family.” He beamed back at her, pulling her in for another hug. 

As kids, they were always the closest. Bill was older, doing his own thing, and Missy wouldn’t give either of them the time of day. They both got into their own mischief tormenting the older siblings, only having to deal with the repercussions together when they received it in return. Charlie was her best friend, and she was the only one who he kept any kind of contact with in the family. He gave an occasional phone call to his mother, especially more so when their dad passed, but it was always Dana that he called with updates on life. 

“I’m really glad you’re here.” Her eyes had a gleam in them, her closest confident back in her life, even if it was a short lived joy. The smile plastered on her face as she led him to the living room of her mother’s house was what Mulder saw as he walked up the porch to the front door. 

His heart sank at the scene, seeing her happier than he ever remembered. She truly was better off without him, that thought playing in his mind on repeat in the last 24 hours. As soon as she walked out of her apartment, it was like the sound of the door slamming was his heart shattering and his mind clicking into place. He couldn’t lose them, he was being an idiot. He ran after her, taking the stairs in hopes to beat her to the ground floor. She must have nearly ran, because her car was gone before he could even make it outside. 

He didn’t know what to do, knowing she needed time, but not wanting to allow her enough to question every good thing that they had established in the past days that they’d been reacquainted with each other. He knew he needed answers of his own, but they weren’t the ones he originally thought he was seeking. 

Making his way to his apartment, he packed an overnight bag and made his way to visit his mother. He hadn’t told her much about William, worried about who her contacts still were. She knew that whatever he needed to talk to her about was important by the tone in his voice, and the fact that he was planning a trip to visit with her. 

When he arrived, she welcomed him with questioning eyes, too exhausted to revisit the demons of their past. He asked questions about Samantha, and she answered to the best of her ability. He didn’t know who she was protecting, cancerman, his father, the entire syndicate, he didn’t know. There were hidden secrets in her eyes, but he knew that even the answers she was giving were a lot for her, she was risking quite possibly everything. 

“Why these questions, Fox? Has something happened?” She asked worriedly, remaining as stoic, yet gentle as possible. 

“I need closure.” He sighed, the tears stinging his eyes. “In order for me to move on, I need to know that what happened to her wasn’t my fault. I need to know that I’m no threat to my own family. I have a family now, mom. I have a son. I need to be able to protect him with my entire self. I can’t do that, constantly wondering what happened to Sam.” 

His mother was shocked by his words, now understanding the burdens that her son carried throughout his life. The burdens she allowed him to carry all these years. Her heart broke for him, in her eyes, he was suddenly a scared, 12-year-old boy who couldn’t save his sister. She saw the broken child’s soul still living within her grown son. 

“Oh, Fox. I’m so sorry.” She reached out to lay a tender hand on his cheek. “There was nothing you could have done. The fact that you were unharmed was a blessing in itself. I didn’t know the entire plan, and I never forgave myself for what happened. She wasn’t supposed to be gone forever.” His mother broke down in his arms, both of their tears being shed in remembrance of what once was. 

“I think we both need to forgive each other, forgive ourselves. I’ve found proof of the syndicate, I have enough answers to know that she’s not coming back.” He admitted in defeat. 

They held each other for a long while, rebuilding what was broken. The next day, they both had the courage to go through some of Samantha’s belongings gathered in his mother’s attic. They reminisced, and mourned the sister, the daughter, that they had lost so long ago. He felt like the last missing piece inside of him had been filled. The rest of his soul was consumed by Scully, and now William. 

He had taken a picture of Scully and William from one of the frames in her apartment, and snuck it into his wallet. She was beaming at the camera, holding William up by his hands as he balanced on his chubby feet. The candid moment made her even more beautiful than she was, and the joy on her face was a memory that frequented his dreams since he found it. He shared the photo with his mother, telling her more about his family and promising that he bring them to visit soon. That was, if he still had a family. 

He realized that leaving before she got home wasn’t the smartest move, but he was determined. He knew he couldn’t face her until he was satisfied with himself inside. With everything hanging in the air, he could only pray for forgiveness to whatever god was out there. 

His side trip ended, feeling as though he was driving back to his new journey in life, whatever it may be. There was going to be groveling and begging, he was prepared for that. Picking up her favorite flowers and chocolate on the way home wouldn’t hurt. Mulder was prepared for any Scully that he may encounter. There was a generically pissed off Scully, which he was really hoping for, because that mood was easier to change with the begging and gifts. There was the ditched Scully, who he unfortunately dealt with one too many times. His own fault really. She usually needed a few days to cool off, but on day 4 at the latest, an innuendo could bring a slight smile to those plump lips. Then there was pursed lip, hands on hips, exasperated Scully. She usually came with “Mulder, what the hell were you thinking?” It was the closest to concerned doctor Scully, and a good mix of ‘I’m going to kick your ass,’ Agent Scully. 

He felt pretty confident handling any one of those versions of her. What he didn’t anticipate, was that she wouldn’t care at all. The Scully he watched through her mother’s front windows was beaming, a smile quite literally from ear to ear. He had been missing for a day, no contact, no known whereabouts other than his mother, and she didn’t care. She laughed with her family, enjoying her life without arguments, or alien conspiracies. This was the life she wanted, the life he always feared he couldn’t give her. But something inside him changed when he talked to his mother. He realized that he had been chasing lost family his entire life, needing to feel loved and forgiven for what he couldn’t do. The fact that he had a family who loved him, accepted him for what he was, never was a clear picture in his mind. His answers were in front of him the entire time, in Scully, in their son. He wanted to give her the world, never have her question his loyalties or priorities again. He had proven too many times, to his own dismay, that she had every reason to doubt him. He wanted to change that, deciding that now, it might be too late. He turned, walking back to his car, and driving off to disappear into the night. 

Scully heard the sound of tires pulling quickly from the driveway, her head quickly glancing towards the window. There was a large lump in her throat, hoping it was Mulder. She had put the Gunmen to monitor his credit cards. They hadn’t heard from him either, promising to call as soon as they had any information on his location. She knew for sure that he wasn’t in Oregon, making a call to Billy Miles, and confirming that he hadn’t spoken to anyone since Skinner. She apologized for not being able to assist. No one had heard from him in over a day, the worry hoping to be masked by the enjoyment of family time. 

“Dana, give me a hand in the kitchen. Refills?” Charlie asked his family. They heartily agreed, enjoying the quality time. “You going to tell me what’s wrong, or do we have to play 20 questions like we used to as kids?” She huffed a small laugh, remembering how stubborn she was as a teenager. Charlie, being the dutiful younger sibling, was sometimes annoying by nature. He’d ask questions about what possibly could be wrong, before she would break down and finally tell him. 

“I don’t think I have the energy for a round of questions.” 

“Ah, getting soft in your old age, I could work with that.” He teased, dodging a dish towel being thrown at him. “Come on, spill.” 

“I haven’t heard from Mulder in over a day. No one knows where he is, and they haven’t heard from him either. We had a huge fight yesterday, and I’m just worried he’s out doing something reckless in retaliation.” 

“Do you really think he would risk that?” 

“No, but as someone who’s always lost everyone and everything he’s ever loved, taking his child and walking away might do some triggering damage.” She sighed heavily, fighting back the tears in her eyes. 

“You honestly think that only William’s absence would cause this distress?” She met Charlie’s eyes, knowing what he was subtly asking. She knew how Mulder felt about her, though she always pushed him just far enough away to not have to deal with it. She was tired of fighting it, wanting to accept his love. That was what truly scared her, being consumed by him in every way possible. She couldn’t lose him, she needed to find him. 

“I have to go.” She said suddenly. “I - I don’t know where to start looking for him though.” 

“You haven’t heard from him?” 

“No, and I had some friends of ours tracking his moves, but he hasn’t made any. Charlie, what if I made a mistake, what if he does something that I can’t get him back from?” She asked worriedly, flashes of all the times she chased him to bring him home when he lost his way. 

“What’s taking so long?” Bill stomped into the kitchen, seeing the tears in his sister’s eyes. He glared at Charlie. “What did you do?” 

“He didn’t do anything, we were just talking.” She sniffled, turning her back to Bill. Charlie could immediately sense that she wasn’t going to offer more about her worries to their older brother. 

“We’ll be back out in a minute.” Charlie said, dismissing Bill. The older sibling grew angry with such a blatant dismissal, huffing back to the living room. “I take it big brother Bill hasn’t been making this any easier.” 

“I’m sure he was thrilled to see me show up yesterday, in a sense, leaving Mulder.” She scoffed, shaking her head. 

“Well, the best thing about my big sister is that she’s a bit of a rebel against our big brother.” He bumped her arm, causing a smile to touch her lips. She hugged him, thanking him for coming back when she needed him most. 

She put in another call to the Gunmen, as well to Skinner, hoping for any updates. Once they assured her that they would call her as soon as they had anything, she went to join dinner with her family. She was quiet, Charlie nudging her leg under the table to remind her to add a comment here and there. She was thankful for him, he always knew when to cover for her. 

“I’m going to call it a night.” Scully announced just after dishes were cleared. 

“Oh honey, we haven’t even had dessert yet.” Maggie had a question in her eyes, but she already knew the answer. 

“I know, I’m sorry. I will stop by tomorrow.” Charlie hugged her as Maggie helped get William in his carseat. Bill frowned at her sudden departure. 

“Why are you leaving? It’s a weekend, you don’t have anywhere to be tomorrow.” Bill gruffed. 

“I’m not feeling well.” She left it at that, gathering William’s things and collecting him from her mother. She hugged everyone goodbye, and left to sit in her car for a long minute of solitude. 

She sighed as she rested her head against the steering wheel. Where the hell have you gone, Mulder?

* * *

She stopped by his apartment on her way home, actually going inside this time. It was empty, as she suspected. It seemed as if he hadn’t been there in a few days, so she fed the fish, and plopped on the couch as she began to make a plan. She knew he wasn’t in Oregon, but where else would he have gone? Wherever he was, he was untraceable. He simply didn’t want to be found. With a heavy sigh, she gathered William and made her way home. She could think better there and do more research. 

Scully nearly stumbled through her front door, the day taxing on her emotions and physical exhaustion. Her head was pounding, and she just wanted to curl up in bed and sleep her worries away. William babbled as she changed him and prepped him for bed. She only hoped this energy would fade fast. 

They settled on the couch together, cuddling close as she worked on her laptop. He played happily, no signs of sleep in his near future. She let out a heavy sigh, giving into the inevitable of a longer evening. Not that she could even fathom a good night’s sleep with Mulder’s whereabouts still unknown. 

The sound of someone outside her front door startled her, grabbing William close as it became nearer. She automatically reached for her gun, realizing she was in pajamas and her holster was in her bedroom. She carefully placed the baby in his crib in the room as she grabbed her gun, and positioned herself facing the front door. The knob turned and rattled as whoever it was tried to get in. 

“Dammit.” The voice mumbled, startling her as she dropped her weapon to her side. She’d know that voice anywhere. 

“Mulder, what the hell.” She threw the door open, seeing him standing there sheepishly. He glanced down and saw the gun in her hand, throwing his hands up in surrender. 

“Scully, I’m sorry I was an idiot, but please don’t shoot me, again.” She huffed a disbelieving chuckle as she moved aside and allowed him entrance. She threw the safety back on her weapon, placing it on the table. She caught his eyes, questioning so many things. “I left my key in my bag, which is in the car. I’m apparently not as good as picking locks as I used to be.” 

“Mulder, where the hell have you been?” Her voice was quiet, filled with worry. He was confused, thinking she would be angry, or simply not care, as he assumed by the sights he saw earlier that day. 

“I needed some answers, so I went to see my mom.” 

“I didn’t even think of that.” She scoffed, mumbling under her breath, feeling foolish. 

“You’ve been looking for me?” Now he was desperately confused, wanting to check the back of her neck to make sure there wasn’t a clone somewhere enjoying a family night filled with laughter and joy. 

“Of course I have!” He sat as she began pacing the living room. “I called Skinner, and the Gunmen, and even Billy Miles. None of them had heard from you, so I had the guys watching your credit cards. You were untraceable, I couldn’t find you.” Exhaustedly, she broke down next to him on the couch, the day’s events hitting her all at once. 

“Scully -” 

“I shouldn’t have left. I’m sorry I walked out on you, I didn’t know what to do. I was at such a loss, and this, whatever it is between us, it’s still new. I’m adjusting, but I did what I always do, I ran when things got hard.” 

“I shouldn’t have pushed you to run.” 

“Mulder, we are going to have arguments, we are going to disagree on many things, that’s just who we are.” 

“But I don’t want that to be who we are. Today, you looked so happy, I can never give that to you. Seeing you laughing with -” 

“When did you see me?” She furrowed her brow, completely confused. 

“Oh, I - uh, when I came back, I realized you weren’t home, and figured you’d be at your mother’s. When I drove over, you all were sitting in front of the big living room window, and you just looked so happy.” He shrugged, looking down at his hands. She instantly could see the thoughts flying around in his head. 

“Mulder, I was out of my mind, not knowing where you were. I tried to mask that with a smile for my family, but Charlie called me out not too long after. He knew that I was just putting on a show.” 

“I’m sorry I made you worry. I should have tried to reach you while I was gone, but I didn’t know if you wanted to talk to me.” 

“Oh, Mulder.” She rested her hand on his arm, turning towards him. 

“I went to talk to my mom, to get some closure about Samantha. I know that my questioning mind may never stop, but knowing that it wasn’t my fault helped fill a larger part of that void.” 

“I’ve always told you that.” 

“I know.” He smiled at her. “And I appreciate it, but I needed to hear it from her. I needed her to tell me what she knew, and we were both able to close that part of our lives. No more conspiracies and questions lingering above us.” 

“I’m glad you were able to have that with your mother.” She squeezed his arm, smiling at him. 

“You had every right to be mad at me for wanting to leave. I shouldn’t have jumped at the chance without thinking about you and William. I was a selfish ass, but I’m trying not to be.” She chuckled, shaking her head. 

“That enthusiasm is what made me -” She paused, realizing her next words. Was he ready to hear them? Suddenly, Charlie’s voice filled her head, telling her to stop holding back from him. Telling her to allow herself to love and be loved by the man that consumed her soul. “It’s what made me love you.” 

He leaned forward, engulfing her in an embrace and holding her as close as their bodies would allow. His lips captured hers, melding together in a smooth rhythm. Her arms reached up to wrap around his neck as he reclined himself on top of her. She could feel the bulge building in his jeans, pressing against her. She pulled back, running a gentle hand over his cheek. 

“I love you, too. I don’t know if I’ve said that.” His voice filled her heart with joy. 

“I know, Mulder. I’ve always known.” She reached up to kiss him again, pulling his head back down towards her. 

As they lay naked and entwined in her bed, her breasts against his bare chest, she ran lazy circles over his arm with her index finger. 

“Mulder.” 

“Hmm?” 

“Do you feel like you’re sacrificing the greater truth, for us?” He let out a heavy sigh, there would always be her fear of resentment between them if he didn’t clarify what this meant for them. What him being here with her and their son, instead of across the country in Oregon, meant. 

“No. I think I searched for answers for my family for so long that I lost sight of the true search. That 12-year-old boy who was blamed and guilted and just wanted to be loved was the one looking for his sister that was lost to him. I’m not him anymore, because I have a family of my own, and I think that’s the greater truth I should have realized was right there all along.” 

“Thank you.” She reached up to kiss him again, before resting her face in the crook of his neck. 

No more words were needed between them, they both knew what this meant for their family. He was here to stay, and though she had her doubts on if he could be satisfied in this life, she knew that he meant what he said. That he wanted to believe in them more than anything else in the world. 


End file.
